And The Fangirls Rained Upon Them
by Telemancer
Summary: And The Fangirls Rained Upon Them is a Skulduggery Pleasant fanfiction, brought to you by Telemancer - writing pair extraordinaire. It follows two fangirls who find themselves in a very different world than the one they knew. Being the fangirls they are, nothing goes smoothly. A humorous story filled with a whole lotta laughs. Embrace your inner fan-sentient, fun times guaranteed.
1. Bloody American Fangirls

**Hello! This is our first story, like ever, at least written together. We know it's not super long but we're going to blame it on just starting. Please, please, please read and review. We appreciate everything, terrible insults or Golden God praise. Thank you! **

**Kisses,**

**Telemancer**

**Disclaimer: We own the two main characters and some other ones, but all Skulduggery stuff is the Golden God's. Oh, and the Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter and Sherlock all go to their respected people.**

"Oh my gods. This is so cool!"

"Cooler than 221B? Or Harry Potter Country?"

"Don't make me choose between our babies!" They are walking down the Skulduggery Pleasant area, where some buildings from the books were constructed to serve as a memorial and museum for the fantastically popular series.

"Ooh! There's the pier!"

"Caelan," The taller girl laughs as she says it, like Caelan is a joke.

"I would marry him, unlike Val. 'Cuz he's from Skuldugg."

"Yeah. But if he exists, then there's a good chance everyone else exists."

"I suppose. Then I would marry Skuldugg."

"Ery. Skuldugg-ery. And he's, like, over 400! Anyway, you belong with Gracious. You can nerd together."

"He's old too!" A group passed, decked in Skulduggery Pleasant and Lord of the Rings gear. The short girl with the snakeskin pants pokes her friend's Star Wars ™ rebel symbol shirt and points to them.

"They look so silly!" she giggles.

"You look sillier. Look at all that Harry Potter crap!" The girl adjusts her SWIM! headband and pokes the short girl back.

"Hey! It's cool! And expensive," she adds in an undertone.

"The guy dressed as Legolas does look stupid. Or Scapegrace, as you say."

"Did you know that Legolas had a sucky childhood?"

"What? Why?"

"He was Lego less. Get it? Legolas?"

"That's so cheesy."

"I know." But when the girls glance at each other, they laugh anyway. They finally get over their giggles as they approach a big mansion. They look at the plaque.

"Gordon's house!" they chorus.

"Let's go in!" the small one yells, throwing her arms up in victory.

"No, dip, Sherlock!"

"That's one of the greatest compliments ever. Being called Sherlock."

"I know. Call me Derek." They take the steps by two, and try to enter the door. But the two guards block the way.

"Sorry," the buff guy says, staring down at the young fangirls. "You're not allowed in."

"But we're VIPs!" The Star Wars ™ rebel symbol girl looks indignant. She pulls out a ticket. "Look, full ride! We're Very Important Pleasants™ . We paid for access to everything." The other guard, a young woman, looks bored.

"Ladies, I'm sorry. Gordon's mansion is… Under construction." The short girl stood up from where she was picking a piece of grass from the famous Gordon's mansion.

"Look, kids," She was younger than them, by decades, but made up for it in sass. "We came all the way from America! Super expensive! Once in a lifetime experience! I don't care if it's-" here she used exaggerated quotation marks "under construction. We came to see it and we are going to!"

The guards exchanged glances. They both looked nervous. The short girl was holding an Ollivander's designer wand to their throats. Everyone stared at it, and the owner sheepishly put it away. One of the guards spoke up.

"I am sorry. But the construction site is dangerous, I can't let you in." The wand girl opened her mouth, about to say something rude, by the look on her face. But the other girl elbowed her aside; she whispered, "_Violence is not the answer, just yet._" And cleared her throat, before turning to the guards.

"Surely the whole building can't be under construction. Couldn't we see the safe parts?" she said batting her eyelashes sweetly. The woman guard was clearly threatened.

"Um, well, yes. But, um, oh, no one else is inside. And we have to stay out here. So we can't let you in. Again, sorry."

"SORRY DOESN'T FREAKIN-" The wand was out again, waving around. The logical girl dragged her away, waving to the guards.

"-CAME HERE FROM IOWA, THE BOONIES! SPENT A FORTUNE ON THIS! NOT LEAVING WITHOUT-" her screech faded away and the guards exchanged another glance.

"We dodged a bullet there. Nice lie about the 'under construction' thing. I don't think we would have had such good luck otherwise. Bloody American fangirls™. "

"Yeah. Never underestimate a fangirl on a mission."


	2. Little Guard, All Alone

**Hello fangirls and boys,**

**We are **_Tele_**mancer, **_two American girls writing a _**bloody **_amazing story. This is our second chapter and we worked very hard on it, so we hope you adore it._

**Yeah, yeah. second chappy and all. Blah, blah, blah! Let's do this thing! I worked so hard, typing ALL of it! Let the readers read, Tele! **

_Not yet! Calm, young grasshopper. I hope you readers like the name of this chapter it's called Little Guard, All Alone. Lol!_

**I was the one who came up with that name, so you can thank me! It's a riff off of one of Golden God's chappy names, Little Girl, All Alone **_(from cwazy first book:)_

_Yes, but I helped you._

**Sure you did.**

_Hey, it is the TRUTH!_

**Whatever, now can we PLEASE do this! I have a headache from typing ALL DAY!**

_Soon, my pet, _**shut it**, _soon. First we must do the disclaimer. Some of the characters right now are ours but soon, most will be the Golden God's. Also, the whole world (again soon) and stuff are his. The plot is ours, though! OURS! OURS! OURS!_

**Yay, disclaimer! Now can we PLEASE start this thing before I rip your Invisibility Cloak in half?**

_HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT, MANCER! _**I have a headache. **_One more thing, thank you deadgirl19 for all the kind words, helpful advice, _**and awesome stereotypes for me!** _After a FEW more thank yous_**, I SWEAR TO GOLDEN GOD! **_Just kidding, haha. _**GRRR! **_Looks like a good time to start the story, doesn't it? Tele OUT, PEACE!_

**Sorry, guys. I truly do have a headache. BUT NOW I'M SUPER EXCITED! KISSES! **_(Creeeepppyyy! _**SHUT IT, Tele. Kisses is my ™ . Do you guys think it's creepy?**_) YEP_

**Bye!** _See ya!_

"We're getting in," the short girl growled.

"I know," she replied. They were sitting behind a tree.

"Golden God, I hate them."

"You can kill them with your wand later."

"Shut up. It was instinct."

"How crazy do you have to be to have drawing a wand as instinct?"

"Oh, I don't know as crazy as a wizard?"

"Good one."

"Got a genius idea to get us in?"

"Not quite yet. We have to do some spying first."

"Dun, dun, dun!" the tall girl looked over to the short girl who was still holding the last dun, and doing jazz hands.

"What the fudge is wrong with you, dude?"

"I made it more dramatic. Duh."

"Idiot," the tall one muttered and rolled her eyes. She started walking away. "We have to climb a tree. And don't you dare say, dun, dun, dun!"

"I don't have to, you just did."

"Golden God, I hate you."

"You can't spell hate without you, dip. So... Spying."

"First of all, yes you can, and second of all, I just did. Oh, there's a good tree over there."

"Okay, I won't ask why it's a good tree but I'm sure you'll elaborate."

"Good vantage point." she said.

"Let's climb this tree."

23.57 minutes later, "YOU CAN DO IT, I BELIEVE IN YOU!" The short girl grabbed the last branch and barely managed to climb up to sit on the rough bark. She slumped onto it.

"That was terrible," the short girl moaned as she wiped a few drops of blood from a scratch above her eye. She looked at the red stain. "Idiot tree."

"I know," the tall one complained.

"That took us 23 minutes to climb," the bloody one said, peering at her watch. "I timed it."

"Ugh. Skulduggery and Valkyrie could have manipulated the air."

"Can we spy now that we've suffered through the tree climbing?"

"Yeah," the taller girl poked around in her bag. "Do you have the binoculars?" They were fished out and handed to her. "Let the Spying Games begin!"

A considerable amount of time later, the two had scoped out their entry point, a small service door, guarded by a twitchy guard with a shiny new nametag.

"So," the girl with the now dirty, torn snakeskin pants said. "We have an in. What's next? Confrontation?" She rubbed her hands together, anticipating another battle.

"Ah, no."

"What? Nothing could possibly need to happen before confrontation!"

"We need to make a plan."

"Yeah. Talk to him! Like I said; confrontation!" the girl tried to stand up but stumbled and barely managed to catch herself on the trunk. "Wait. Maybe we should get out of the tree first. Gods, I hate trees. We must be at least 35 feet up!" Both girls looked down to gauge the distance and realized they were only about ten feet above the forest bed.

"Seriously? We're just higher than an average person? We are horrendous tree climbers!" the girl with the binoculars shook her head, disbelieving. The other boldly got on her knees and swung down to a lower branch and dropped from that one. The other girl put on her binoculars and followed suit.

"Wait! Shorty!"

"Shorty? You're pretty short too!"

"We have to make a plan, please! I feel like there's something bigger than a SP museum going on here!"

"You too? Why would they have so many guards here?"

"I know! It doesn't add up! Okay, plan. We talk to him and convince him to let us in. He looks new and therefore, doesn't want any drama. If what we say has some non-fangirl logic, he'll let us in." the tall girl was nodding solemnly. "I like this plan."

"Yeah. 'Cuz it's MINE! It's basically what I said before!"

"Well, now we have some rules established for you. One, agree with everything I say. Two, don't yell or get mad at him. Three, don't specifically say we are tourists. Now, let's go." They unsuccessfully swaggered towards the guard. The tall girl spoke first.

"Hey, so, we're trying to get inside. Could you help us?" The guard scratched his ear. "Uh, well, this isn't really an entrance. You should enter through the big doors at the front with Disdain and Pummel. That's the entrance."

"Disdain? Pummel?"

"Ah, yeah! The head guards?" The guard looked even more confused. "You guys are mages, right?"

"Mages? As in magic?" The tall girl asked, eyebrows raised. The short girl instantly stood up.

"MAGES? MAGES?" she yelled.

"I told you not to yell! You broke the rules!" the tall girl screamed. The guard was glancing back and forth between them, like deciding what to do

"You two have to come with me," he beckoned them to follow him. "I'll get you in." They started walking, the guard keeping an eye on them. The short girl looked at her friend.

"He's not getting us in," she whispered.

"No. No, he's not."

"What do we do?"

"I'm not sure." the tall girl ran a few steps to catch up with the guard. "Um, hey, guard? We are mages and we have to get in. We just came back from a mission. Just ask Leroy!"

"Who is Leroy?" he asked incredulously.

"Oh," said the tall girl slyly. "I guess you just aren't on a first name basis with him."

"You know what? I don't appreciate your sass. I'm doing what my orders tell me to do. And I don't believe you girls are mages!" Both girls stared at him, mouths open. The tall girl turned to her friend.

"Show him."

"Huh?"

"The fire, dip!"

"Oh, yeah!" The shorter pressed a button on a wristband and an illusion of fire flared in her hand. The guard scoffed.

"I work in a Skulduggery PLeasant museum! I know a Skulduggery Elemental Fire Band™ when I see one! You girls are in big trouble for lying to me."

"You're in big trouble! For not letting us in!" the short girl quipped. The guard ignored her.

"Federal trouble!" The girls exchanged worried glances.

"Seriously?"

"Seriously!"

"That's bad." the short girl bit her lip.

"Yes, it is! You two tried to con me into letting you in!" The taller girl whispered something to her friend. The shorter mouthed _What?_

"I'm going to have to take you to the authorities." he said, almost happily. The taller girl glared.

"You are so sadistic. SHORTY, THE SPARROW FLIES SOUTH FOR THE WINTER!"

"I LIKE YOUR SHOES!" 'Shorty' yelled and ran at the guard. He pulled out his gun before she could reach him and they all froze.

"No one has to get hurt, here." he said calmly. The short girl pulled of her backpack and battle-cried, "EXCEPT FOR YOU!" She pulled her backpack off and knocked the gun out of his hand with the makeshift weapon. It skittered on to the ground. The man bent to grab it, but she raised the backpack and smashed it onto his head. They collided with a satisfying thunk and the guard fell like a sack of potatoes. The warrior catcalled rambunctiously and did a little victory dance. The tall girl stuck her hand under his nose.

"Out cold!" she declared. "Nice job. Although, I didn't mean for you to attack him!" The short girl stopped dancing and turned to the other girl.

"What? You said 'The sparrow flies south for the winter.' That means punch the guy. I just used my backpack. It was heavier and did more damage. 'Cuz it has two thermoses with hot chocolate. Here." She pulled two containers out and handed one to the taller girl, then shouldered the bag. "What did you want me to do?"

"Run away, make him chase you, so I could sneak into the unguarded door!" They slurped the hot cocoa.

"That's a terrible plan!" the shorter complained, wiping marshmallow of her lip. "He would have raised an alarm or something."

"I suppose. Taking him down worked though. So, whatever!"

"Well. Shall we FINALLY get into this place?"

"The hot chocolate isn't allowed," the tall girl voiced. The short girl turned towards her.

"Dude. We lied to multiple guards about multiple things, spied on them, freakin' KNOCKED ONE OUT, and you're worried about hot cocoa?"

"Of course not." They calmly put the lids on the mugs. And then sprinted, screaming like banshees, back to the unguarded entrance to Gordon's house.


	3. The Fall of the Fangirls

**Tele, you wanna write the hello, thank yous, and disclaimer? We have to thank everyone for reading, DeadGirl19, Cubecars, Monkey D Writer, and The Skeleton in a Fez. And anyone else you think of or reviewed.**

**Hello? Telester? Tall one? GIRLIO? Did you die? Please, I don't want to write this alone! I WILL AVENGE YOUR DEATH, I PROMISE! UNTIL THE END! **

**WAIT? ARE YOU ALIVE AND WELL? **

_YEAH I was just reading the chappy, looking good._

**Oh. Sorry…**

_Sure. Let's stop boring our readers and move on, shall we?_

**Hello, this is the hello **_(Lol, really?) _**message and disclaimer. We would like to thank DeadGirl19, and all the other reviewers. **_Banana-_ **(I'm sorry, I can't remember your names and I can't figure out how to look… Oh wait, I mentioned them above. **_Idiot. Anyway, bananas a-_**) We would like to encourage **_(make) _**you to review whether it be criticism or praise **_(or just RANDOM stuff). _**You know, what, Tele? If you have crap to say, then do it.**

_Thank you, as I was saying, Bananas are what hold this world together. They are potassium filled string to fix stuff. I am tired of being the logical one, so get ready for a CWAZY CUCUMBER! We own all the cwazy characters in this cwazy chappy _**(Golden God's will come in chappy 4)** _but the world is his and the plot is ours. Cwazy, cwazy, cwazy, lalalalala, dumdedum dumdedum. _**You guys know what? I'll take this girl… Somewhere? **_Cwazy,cwazy,cwazy,cwa-_

**Yeah, I think I like the logical you better. Anyway, on to the most BEAUTIFUL story ever!**

_Last WORD! Yay! #CWAZYCWAZYCWAZY _

The two girls entered the mansion, walking into a long hallway. They strolled down it for a few minutes, until they found a spiral staircase labeled "This way to Gordon's Mansion Museum." They hurried up the stairs and were led to a large room filled with Skulduggery props and informational posters. Both hungrily devoured all information. The room had stuff on all the main characters, as well as some Derek Landy info. They were halfway done the room when the tell girl gasped.

"Oh my Golden Godness!" the taller yelled, her hands covering her mouth in excitement.

"Girl, shut it before we get caught! This is too cool to be dragged away from!" the other reprimanded.

"But, but," the girl's eyes were huge. She struggled to find words. "It's Billy-Ray's razor!"

"Gods, pull yourself together! I know he's your favorite but -" She was cut of by the gaping girl.

"I want it! Do you think I could buy one?" the girl mused, hopeful.

"Seriously? Are you really that fangirly about this?"

"Yes. I want it. I really do." The taller girl still stared. The shorter girl groaned and looked over her shoulder, scanning the room. Then she stepped up to the display case.

"Let's hope there aren't any alarms," she mumbled and promptly elbowed the glass. Hard. It shattered and she grabbed the razor, handing it to the girl beside her.

"Here you go!"

"You took it? What the fudge, dude?"

"What? You were going to whine about it all day, and this obviously isn't a museum so you can't buy one! And, we already broke loads of rules. Screw the 'No Stealing"! They won't care anyway because, I repeat, this is just a cover for something! Now can we continue fangirling and then figure out what the G.G is going on here?"

"Sheesh. Calm yourself! I totally agree with you. I just am I little hesitant about STEALING!" The tall girl still held the razor like it was going to save a bunch of puppies and kittens. Really excited, really honored, but a little scared of its power. The short girl took this in.

"One, it isn't going to save puppies and kittens-"

"It could," the tall girl interrupted.

"Two, its not like it's the real thing, they probably have a bunch more. Three, I was going to leave ten bucks and four, if we go to prison for anything we've done today, you have a badash razor to fight with!" The short girl glared, daring the other to disagree.

"Those were some freaking 'badash' reasons. Thank you for getting me it. As long as you leave money." The shorter pulled out some bills and slammed them on the table, then promptly took them back and wiped off fingerprints and replaced them with her sleeve over her hand.

"You happy now?"

"Yep."

"We done checking this place out?"

"Yep."

"THEN LET"S FIGURE OUT WHAT THE DEREK LANDY IS GOING ON HERE!"The short girl pumped a fist into the air.

"Cool beans." They left the Information Room, as it was called, and headed down the hallway once again.

They were headed for Gordon's study next, too lazy to start looking for clues as to what was happening. They wandered around for a bit, looking for any directions to where the study was. Finally, the two girls found their destination.

"Whoa," the small girl sighed. "They have all of Gordon's books!"

"That's pretty cool. I can't believe they would have made all of these. We should get a set if we can."

"I've said it once, I'll say it again. We cannot buy anything here! This isn't a true museum! Our only choice is to take 'em. They would make my backpack a better weapon," the shorter mused.

"Ah, take 'em. They have a bunch of other copies."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I'll look for the book to pull to get into the secret room."

"Go ahead." Both girls started scanning the bookshelf, one tugging at books, the other stuffing them in her bag. Ten minutes later, they were in.

"Holy books, they actually have the Echo Stone!" the shorter swore.

"Hush, my pet. He could be sleeping."

"My pet? And good thing you said 'He could be sleeping.' I thought you were going to say that we were going to be found an-" From somewhere in the house, a door slammed and footsteps hurried across the hallway. The taller put a finger to her lips and gestured to the top of the staircase. They ran to the top of the spiral and looked down. Two gys were talking to the guards. One was tan and buff, with a huge sunhat covering his face. The other man was lanky and had an alarmingly red sunburn. They seemed to unconsciously take charge. The sun-burnt one scratched his nose before speaking.

"Our resource mission was successful. How was it here? Any trouble?" He had a strong Australian accent. The two guards shared a glance. The girls recognized them as Disdain and Pummel. Disdain cleared her throat.

"Well… There were two girls who raised some Cain, but they left after a bit."

"Good. This base is definitely working better than the old one. We are going to have to move though, after a while. This place can't be 'under construction' for much longer. It was very accessible though. We will have to consider that next time." The other new male glanced at his watch.

"Well, Aussehen, we'd better get to the Information Room, it's 2:53 PM now. Don't want to miss it." They waved to the guards and continued to the stairs. The girls rushed from their spying places into the secret room and closed the door.

"That was weird," the tall girl puzzled. "Something is definitely going on here."

"Man, how many times do I have to say that for it to penetrate your thick skull?"

"I know. Sorry. We'd better get out of here."

"How? We can't go out the front doors, Disdain and Pummel are down there. And the knocked-out guard is probably better or was replaced!"

"Well… Doors are for people with no imagination. And we, FOR SURE, have imagination." They left the room stealthily and started check out windows. The shorter looked out a big casement window.

"Gods, another tree. But I think this one is the best we'll find. Let's do this thing. We have everything?"

"Yep," the taller voiced. "Hot cocoa, money, stolen razor, and stolen books. Ready to go!" They perched on the windowsill when, all of a sudden, the Gordon's Mansion Museum disappeared and the two girls were falling, falling, falling...

**Well, guys. We gave you a cliff **_bar_**! We're so mean. **_Mancer's the mean one! _**Can it, Tele. You wrote the first draft. Blame it on her, ladies and gentle-germs! Now, we need to get to bed because it is LATE **_(in Iowa)_**! So I need to get to the point of this. What was it? **_We are going to take a while to publish this next one, 'cuz we meet the actual Skulduggery characters and therefore we need PERFECTION!_

**Oh yeah, thanks Tele. You were helpful for a change. **_Ha-ha, funny. Please review, awesome people. We kinda live for it. _**Maybe you do, Tele, I live for sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep! Good nightungbffffff n**

_Last word WOOPWOOP #cwazycwazycwazycwazycwazy… ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ_

**CAN IT, TELE! HA-HA, LAST WORD 'CUZ YOU GOT IT LAST TIME!**

_**ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ **__~Tele_**mancer** _is not available. Please leave a message after the tone. BEEP!_

_..._

_Last word! Lol #CWAZY_

**Stop, seriously. Tele, I want to go to bed and the beep in a funny way to end. Be trustworthy and don't add anything in after I leave. Please?**

_Fine. Bye._

…

_#CWAZY_

**I give up. I am too sleep deprived. Goodnight, bloody American fangirl.**

Night.

**I jist toook out ym contatcs, so I CAN'T SeE. Hahaa.**

_Nice. :)_


	4. A Vacation Gone Totally Right?

**Hello. It's Mancer this is our fourth Chappie and the two mains will actually meet the Skulduggery pleasant characters so we have to do a real disclaimer. And also, this is a bit shorter than planned because we are splitting up what Tele wrote as "Chapter Four"**

_Oh yeah hit that beat (dancing around the room) fourth chappy boom ba doom mehmmm mehmmm boom ba doom fourth chappy let's PARTY!_

**Shut up, we have to do a real disclaimer you weird banana!**

_I am NOT a weird banana I am a PROUD CWAZY CUCOMBER and this weird banana thing shall NOT stand!_

**Yeah, go get em tiger. So anyway a lot of this stuff is Derek's including the world but the plot and like three maybe four characters are ours.**

_Oh scince this is the fourth chappy can we have SSSSSSnnnnnneverus SSSSSSnnnnape Ssssnnnnelebration party yeah party wopwop PARTY!_

**This hello message is dedicated the SSSSSSSSnnnnneverus SSSSSnnnnnape The Half Blood Prince! (and to all the nice people who reviewed;).**

_Thats you, Skelly in a Fez, Deadgirly19, Cubecars (hey Abbs), The Jellyfish Sises, Guest (wonder who dat could be), annnnndddddd I think thats it._

**Chappy Four**

Skulduggery Pleasant, Valkyrie Cain, and various Sanctuary officials stood on the platform in the sky, waiting for the mansion to appear. The plan was rather ingenious, really. Gordon's Mansion museum was being built by some mages for the Skulduggery tour and, because of the last shunting catastrophe, the Irish Sanctuary was desperate for anywhere to be available and paused the opening of Gordon's Mansion so they could use it as a shunting place for the time being. You see, the Irish Sanctuary had barely any resources since, well, the war, and no-one was willing to help. No other Sanctuaries, no other damned mages. The Irish Sanctuary was one disaster away from the carefully constructed government to come tumbling down. Therefore, desperate measures were taken by the Council of Elders headed by their stunning Grand Mage and the mansion was "borrowed". An official glanced at her watch.

"They're late. Three minutes. Why-" She was cut off as the mansion appeared safely on the landing pad. The small crowd surged forward to greet Aussehen and Prendre. The same official sighed in relief.

"Thank god! Why were you-" But the woman was interrupted again. This time, by something unplanned. Everyone looked up.

"I SWEAR TO LANDY, I WILL USE YOU AS A SHIELD!" Two girls were falling out of the sky.

"DON'T YOU DARE! I WILL MOST DEFINITELY DIE THEN!" The taller one screamed, angry.

"BUT I WON'T! YOU WILL DIE AN HONORABLE DEATH!" The shorter replied.

"I HATE YOU! WHY THE DEREK ARE WE FALLING OUT OF THE SKY? WHAT HAPPENED?"

"WHY WOULD I KNOW? WE ARE GOING TO DIE, YOU IDIOT!" By now, the girls had reached an alarming speed. They both had terrified looks on their faces.

"I KNOW THAT, YOU NORMAL CUCUMBER! BY THE WAY, SHORTY. I LOVE YOU! YOU ARE A WONDERFUL MINION," Tears were running down the taller girl's face. The shorter one sniffled.

"I KNOW, YOU PANSYCAKE," she paused. "I FREAKING LOVE YOU, TOO!" They fell through the sky, sobbing. The girl in the snakeskin pants turned her head, trying to wipe her tears, and saw the group of staring, flabbergasted, mostly, people. She stared at them in disbelief.

"WHY THE HELLO KITTY ARE YOU LOT JUST STANDING THERE LIKE IDIOTS? SAVE US! FREAKIN' SAVE US! HELP ME!" The gathering burst into action. Some flicked their hands out, others still stared, helpless. The girls slammed into an invisible wall and bounced over to the platform, landing unstably. They tried to stand up but bonked their heads together painfully. The two girls slumped back down, groaning. The official who spoke before stepped forward, out of the mob.

"Holy Sherlock mother of Holmes, why are you here? We are only scheduled to have Aussehen's group! Are you two allowed-" A thin man stepped forward, cutting her off with a velvety voice.

"Calm down, Victorya. They just fell out of the sky."

"Nothing can go wrong, Detective! Grand Mage Sorrows will kill me! Or worse, take away my Season Three! Or my Sherlock shirts!" The girl named Victorya panicked. The short girl wobbled to her knees, holding a nasty bruise on her head. She started to talk, slurring her words.

"Hello. People. Thanks for saving us with your magic wind! I'd like to address a few things… One, lady, you are awesome 'cuz you like Sherlock! We do too. Two-" Here the short girl held up three fingers. "That man looks and sounds like Skulduggydoggy! Why? And how did you save us? Are you… MAGIC FACES?" She turned around without an answer and commenced poking her friend and speaking to her. "Girl, get up! Dis da bestest museum ever! It has real magic peeps!" The taller girl looked around groggily. Then she gasped. Again.

"He looks like Skulduggery!" she exclaimed, trying to point at the thin man in the beautifully tailored hat. The man tilted his head.

"Why do you both think I'm-" He paused as the tall girl threw herself at his feet. She put on a puppy voice.

"Please just tell us if you are Valkyrie, I mean, Skulduggery!" He responded by taking off his hat. A skull, gleaming white, was revealed. The girls stared. Everyone was quiet for a moment. Then, the platform of people groaned and ewwed and stepped back in disgust. The short girl looked at the puddle of vomit she had created. She looked sickened.

"I feel terrible," she moaned.

"So do I. It must be a symptom of falling out of the sky," The taller replied. Both of their bruises where they had collided heads were now rainbow and swollen.

"OH MY GOLDEN GOD! LOOK, FATTY! THAT PERSON HAS A SKULL FOR HIS HEAD!" The shorter noticed for the second time. Both girls gaped at the skeleton standing above them.

"It's Skulduggery," whispered the taller one, reverently. But the short one wasn't listening. She had fallen unconscious, the concussion finally catching up to her. Her friend blinked and pointed at a dark-haired woman behind Skulduggery.

"I know who you are! Everyone on the internet and fanfiction sites thinks you should marry Skuldug-" The dark-haired girl looked disgusted.

"Ew! He's a skeleton! And an ugly, egotistical one at that! Who do you even think you are, saying that?" The tall girl grinned.

"Who are we? My friend here is badash, and I? I am awesome," Then, she too fell into a deep, deep, sleep.

**I am Mancer the Great! Loved by all! Who's beauty, wiseness, and power is known throughout the entire land!**

_Idiot. Well, while she rants, I will get started. __We have decided to do a see ya message after every chappy, to keep you laughing into night. Yaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy! __Every time you get yelled at for waking up your family in the middle of the night, you can thank us. __We have a very important question, should we have _**NO SPOILERS!** _This isn't a spoiler it is a question, yeesh._

**Could it in ANY way be considered a spoiler?**

_NO, just trust me!_

**Sounds fishy to me. Has it been approved by a lawyer?**

_If you consider me a lawyer, then yes, yes it has._

**No, I don't. You aren't smarticles enough.**

_If I am not SMART enough, then where does that leave you?_

**One, in Algebra, a math WAY more advanced than yours. And two, on a rainbow covered cloud inhabited by super nice, fuzzy, declawed kittens who are unexposed to chainsaws or other weapons or meanness. **

_Jokes on you I am riding a unicorn through the Forbidden Forest._

**THE BEASTS WILL CATCH YOU, GET OUT!**

_Whhhhhhaaaaaaaaa? Oh peeps, please give your opinions on ships. Choose the Titanic, and Sexter. I need to persuade Mancer on this._

**NEVER, Saracen is a player!**

_Sexter, Sexter, Sexter, Sexter, come on sing it with ME. SEXTER, SEXTER, SEXTER!_

**NO! DA PLAYERS GONNA PLAY, PLAY, PLAY! AND I'M JUST GONNA SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE!**

_Stop quoting songs._

**I COULD KISS MYSELF, I'M SO PRETTY!**

_Seriously, stop._

**UPTOWN FUNK YOU UP! UPTOWN FUNK YOU UP! UPTOWN FUNK YOU UP! Come on Tele! Sing it with me!**

_No_

…

…

_IT'S TOO CATCHY! UPTOWN FUNK YOU UP! I'M TOO HOT,_**OH OH I AM **

_**CALLED A POLICE AND A FIREMAN**_

_**I'M TOO HOT, OH OH I AM**_

_**MAKE A DRAGON WANNA RETIRE, MAN**_

*continue singing*

P.S. Look up Uptown Funk 'cuz we're addicted.


	5. The Motto of the Fangirls

**Welcome message! Woot woot! **

_We've decided to do something different for our welcome messages. Tell us what you think! So this is a game that Mancer came up with. We played a round and thought it was hilarious and therefore decided to put in our welcome message._

**The rules are pretty simple. One player comments as some character and another person responds as a different character and they have a whole conversation until they feel it should be over. **

_I am talking through Darquesse (yeah I am that powerful) and Mancer is Saracen. _

**Here we go enjoy, oh and did I tell you how nice you look today? Enjoy, beautiful. **

**-Saracen**

_Come on it'll be FUN. We haven't had a girls' night out in FOREVER. Breaking the remnants out will be perfect!_

_-Darquesse_

**Um, I think you have the wrong number. In fact, I 'know' you have the wrong number. Although I would LOVE a girls' night out.**

**-Saracen**

_You DARE accuse me of doing anything wrong, I will turn you into floss and use you myself._

_-Darquesse_

**I'll be happy to let you 'use' me. I 'know' it'll be fun!**

**-Saracen **

_Oh, I like your attitude maybe I will keep you around as a pet or turn you into a bar of soap. _

_-Darquesse_

**As long as you use me when I'm a bar of soap!**

**-Saracen **

_That was always the plan, say goodbye to your brain, and all feelings Saracen._

_-Darquesse_

**I'll be the best soap bar ever! Put me in your shower. Wait, DON'T. I'm taken. I can't believe I forgot! I'm loyal to Dex. Maybe another time, Darquesse. I have a date with Abs tonight.**

**-Saracen**

_Don't worry, he will be the shampoo. Goodbye Saracen._

_-Darquesse_

**Kisses. Dex is calling!**

**-Saracen**

_Sorry, but your a bar of soap now._

_-Darquesse_

**Bubble. Bubble.**

**-Saracen**

_You like it? We do. Oh and I need more reveiws/votes so that Mancer will have to agree to do Sexter in this story come on people SEXTER it up!_

**On a less creepy note... DISCLAIMER! The world and most characters are Landy's but a few are ours, along with the plot.**

_Oh, Oh I have somthing to say!_

**WHAT IS IT, my little Telepie?**

_Okay, if you are able to you MUST follow this story _**(Wow, nice job being RUDE! Why you gotta be so- **_GAH! NO MORE SONG QUOTING! _**) **_BECAUSE my sister bluntly refuses to read this story unless I get 25 followers. So PLEASE follow it so I can minion-ize her!_

**One more thing. Thank yous to: Guest, Cubecars (You like you?), DeadGirl19, and Skeleton in a Fez, and EVERYONE ON ! You guys are doing a GREAT job with all your stories. This is harder than all you non-FFers think! **

**Kisses,**

**Mancer**

_Come on will you stop that it would be like me saying HAVE FUN SLEEPING to a complete stranger!_

…

_Have fun sleeping!_

_Tele_

Chappy Five of 'And The Fangirls Rained Upon Them'

The taller girl sat up in the impersonal bed, blinking darkness and sleep out of her eyes. She looked around, examining her surroundings. The girl glanced at the doors, a small one on the shorter sidewall and a main entrance and exit in the middle of the long wall. She turned her body to face the other side of the room and noticed the small person in the bed next.

"Shorty?" she whispered. The sleeping girl stirred but stayed facing the other way. The tall girl frowned and shivered. She looked around again, rubbing her arms. She shivered again, and looked down to pull the blanket up farther. She gasped.

"Where the heck is my shirt? What the Derek…?" Her StarWars rebel symbol shirt was gone! She stared down at her navy blue tank top, befuddled. "Why is my shirt gone?" The girl looked back over to the occupied bed. She grabbed a pillow and chucked at the other girl. She startled, jerking up.

"Gah! I'm sorry, Gracious! I didn't mean to-" She paused. "Where am I? Where are we?"

"I have no idea. About anything!" The taller replied, frustrated.

"What happened?" The just woken girl moaned and touched her bruised head, whimpering. She turned and stared at her friend. "Did we meet… Skulduggery? Did I actually puke? Did we really FALL out of the SKY? Did-"

"Sh! I can't take this all in! All I know is that my shirt is gone!"

"Your shirt? What is happening here?"

"Golden God. I hate this! We need answers NOW!"

"Why would your shirt be gone? Is my backpack here?" The short girl searched desperately. She started wailing. "It's not here! Backpack, what did they do with you?"

"SHUT IT! Calm down! We are DONE freaking out. I'm serious! As in, not kidding! Okay. We have to do this sensibly. So your backpack is gone. Is my stuff here?" The tall girl clumsily got out of the bed, fighting against the dizziness by steadying herself on the wall. She took a wobbly step, followed by another and another. "Yes! My head is-" She tripped on a tan hiking boot, falling flat on her face. The other girl burst out laughing. Then she abruptly stopped and got out of the bed, pointing to the pair of black high-tops with neon pink laces.

"Look! Those are my shoes!" exclaimed the shorter and stumbled over, falling to her knees.

"Aha! Maybe my phone is here!" The taller reached into the left boot happily and felt around, but her search was fruitless. A frown appeared on her face. Then she brightened. She reached into the other boot, groping inside. No luck. "Ugh. My phone isn't there, my razor isn't there. They even took my fruit nuggets!" The short girl looked at the boot girl slyly as she pulled on her shoes. They each took a deep breath and started singing.

"FRUIT NUGGETS!" they chorused. Then the short girl held out her hands.

"Wait... You keep Fruit Nuggets in your BOOT? Do you keep everything in your boots?"

"Yes. Of course I do. The stuff is within reach and no one ever searches there! Well… Most of the time."

"You are a strange girl. A strange, strange girl. But any-"

"SAYS YOU! Your reflex when threatened is to take out your wand! What, did they take you wand? Feeling a little scared? Defensive? Sane?"

"As I was saying before you RUDELY INTERRUPTED me, we should try to get out of here and answer our questions!"

"Yes, like where the Landy my-" The girl trailed off when they heard the door clicking. Someone was unlocking the door! They scrambled into the cots and pretended to be asleep. The door knob turned and…

"You guys are pathetic! You do not look asleep AT ALL! You, the short one, your eyes are open! I can see you trying to see me! And you, those snores are obviously fake. Now, you two have to come with me, pronto! Don't want to upset the Grand Mage, do you?" The two girls sat up sheepishly and stared at the newcomer. She was wearing a white 'I am Sherlocked' ™ shirt and jeans, followed by high-heeled purple boots, one of which was tapping impatiently. She flipped her almost waist long red hair, adding to the signs of annoyance.

"Hey!" The short girl stood up, trying to be convivial. "I see you like Sherlock! We do too! We actually both have that shirt." The newcomer's eyes widened.

"Really? Almost no one here likes, even watches, Sherlock! This is so cool! What's your guys' theory?" She broke off suddenly, scrunching her eyes closed. She put her palms to her temples, like she had a headache. When she opened her brown eyes, they were narrow and suspicious. "Nevermind. I'm not supposed to socialize with _criminals_. Come with me."

"What is up with you? Why did you look like you had a killer migraine?" The tall girl asked curiously.

"None of your beeswax! Wait." She held up a hand and rummaged through her purse, pulling out a pair of handcuffs. "Put these on before you leave." The two girls shared a look, but held their hands out. The cuffs were snapped on.

"So… Where are we going?" The shorter wondered as they walked out of the hospital.

"Again: None of your beeswax." condescended the red-haired girl. The trio walked in silence for a few hallways. Then the new girl spoke.

"Um, just wondering, but where is your shirt? I'm assuming you didn't just wear that tank top here. The tall girl looked at her shirtless torso.

"Oh, yeah. Ah, I actually don't know." The redhead looked at the speaker and scoffed.

"You don't know where your shirt went?'

"Yup. I just woke up without it." replied the taller girl.

"Wow. That's-" She was interrupted by a snap by the shorter girl.

"Oh my Golden God! I know why you're so familiar! You're the offical on the platform who said 'Holy Sherlock mother of Holmes'! That's so cool!"

"I know," grinned the official, stopping at a door labeled 'Conference Room A'. "And I would _love_ to talk more. But we're here. Maybe I'll see you Sherlockians around. Just ask anyone here for Victorya. Bearah Victorya." The redhead wiggled her fingers before strolling away. The two friends shared another glance.

"_Bearah Victorya?_" The short girl shook her head incredulously.

"Yeah. Who would name their kid that? Only someone would choose to have their name that."

"What the heck is going on here?"

"The motto of today!" The tall and the short grinned at each other. But really, _what was going on here?_

**Yes, I know! Short one. I'm sorry. I've been getting a lot of other crap to do and I'm behind on typing. All my fault, don't blame Tele. Okay, I would like to encourage all you peeps to tell us if you liked this our game or we would like to know if you die whenever you read it, we don't want to cause you ANY pain.**

_Yep-a-dep-a-doo_

**Hmmmmmm, anything else?**

_Don't think sooooooooooo._

**Well, then we hope you liked it (if not, it's your problem) the next chappy should be done soon. Oh, I know what I was thinking, did you like Bearah Victorya? She is our third ORIGINAL character so we hope she was cool beans. If not, face her wrath because she is based off of a real person! Hehe. **

**Kisses,**

**Mancer**


	6. Part One of Interrogation

**Welcome message! And before game, DISCLAIMER AND THANK YOUS! Disclaimer: We own plot, a few characters but all the awesomeness either belongs to Lord Landy already or is dedicated/owed to him. **

_Wow, you actually did a normal disclaimer without all the craziness!_

**It feels weird… And onto thank yous! Thank you to our 122 viewers and our wonderful reviews- DeadGirl19 (Hi, don't worry, you WILL come in) pandalover (Hello, Luci, and I'm afraid I cannot go faster than fast :()** HEY, I write the story don't go taking my cred!

**Oh my god! Now they're shipping me with an apple. Drapple, they call it! Agh! I am getting off all social media sites ASAP! And the fanfictions sites! I don't even like Hermione! Why is it ALWAYS Hermione! Or Harry! Or a freaking APPLE! Ew! Bloody fangirls!**

**Draco**

_I feel the same way except I have it worse, look who they paired me up with! I wouldn't survive the first day._

_-Apple_

**Oh, sorry, Apple. I didn't mean to offend you. But, ew! I have it worse! With Harry! HARRY! How? I hate that boy! And he's with Ginny! I definitely have it worse, Apple.**

**Draco**

_Oh you have it worse, -Apple_

**Oh. Oops. Sorry. I didn't even realize I was eating you. But, I HAVE IT WORSE! Who do they pair you with? I swear, they even put me with Dumbledore! And SNAPE! Agh. They call it Drape! And Drumbledore! Or Dralbus!**

**Draco**

_They paired me with you, my face is missing. And to top that off they paired me with a banana and worst of all a brussel sprout, they called it brupple come on the only ship for me is pineapple peanut butter and Apple_

**Apple, I do feel for you, but THEY PAIRED ME WITH MY OWN FATHER! And Neville! And Dean! Check this out if you don't believe me. They put me with Snape AND Harry! ** /wiki/List_of_Harry_Potter_Pairing_Names#Common_Pairing_Names

**A depressed Draco**

Sotp etanig me! SOTP!

**I meant to! I am done with Drapple! Done!(he throws core in garbage)**

Chappy Six of 'And The Fangirls Rained Upon Them'

The fangirls stood in the small room with its metal chairs and tables.

"Ugh. This is such a boring room!" whined the short girl. The tall girl turned and glared at her.

"Really? That's what you are choosing to complain about? We are about to be INTERROGATED! And we are handcuffed to the table, plus I have no fruit nuggets to eat. If we go to prison, we won't get ANY fruit nuggets!"

"What? No, we aren't, handcuffed to the table" The short girl lifted her hand and it abruptly stopped, caught by the handcuffs, which were chained to the table. "Oh. When did this happen?"

"When she was introducing herself! Right after you recognized her as the official! No, dip, Sherlock!"

"Oops. I wasn't paying attention. I was thinking about what happened on the platform! Like if we really met Skulduggery?" The tall girl just rolled her eyes and sighed exasperatedly.

"Whatever. I just want answers. Now! I think I might die if I don't, and that would be horrible because I haven't finished imprinting my Echo Stone!"

"You and me both, kid. You and me." They stood in silence, thinking.

**End of Chappy Six! **_What? No!_ **Yes. **_No! _**Yes. **_Please tell me you're kidding. _**Haha, I'm kidding. **_Good. _***laughes manically* **

The two girls were still quiet when the dark haired girl walked in, shutting the door behind her.

"Hi. Sorry for the wait. My partner didn't want to take this case. Too 'trivial' for him. Narcissistic skeleton. Anyway, I always get the small cases. I got Jerry the Butterfly Man! I'm still scarred! It's his turn," said the woman. She adjusted her black jacket and looked up at them from her chair. "You can sit down, you know."

"We can't sit down. We're handcuffed to-" responded the tall girl.

"Wait… Did you say we are a trivial case? Nu-uh! We are very high-security. We broke into Gordon's Mansion all by ourselves!" The short girl argued.

"So you admit to breaking in?" The tall girl glared at the shorter. Then she spoke to the interrogator.

"No. Of course not. She meant we were let i-" The tall girl stopped explaining and turned to the short girl, who was staring at the black haired woman intently. "Shorty, why are you staring at her?" The short girl ignored the question and spoke directly to the questioner.

"Has anyone ever told you? You look exactly like Valkyrie Cain."

"Really? That's so weird. Because, it's not like _I'm Valkyrie Cain_."

"Yeah, that is a really weird coincidence. I've seen two people here who look like…" The short girl faded away. Then facepalmed. "Oh, Golden God, you're the lady on the platform and Valkyrie Cain."

"Yes. Yes, I am," said Valkyrie Cain. Just then, the door opened and a blonde man stepped into the room. Skulduggery Pleasant tapped his collarbones, and his facade retreated.

"Hello, Valkyrie. I decided that I should come back. I had a feeling you were doing something wrong." Valkyrie poked her tongue out at him.

"Oh, that's great, that is. You have so much faith in me, don't you," she retorted.

"Actually, no, I don't. Did you hear me?"

"Can we just get to work?" Valkyrie pleaded.

"Valkyrie, stop being childish. We need to get to work," Skulduggery sat in the chair on Valkyrie's side and looked at the girls on the other side of the table. The tall girl _ooooooooh_ed and the short girl snapped her fingers, bringing them down in a Z fashion. The two detectives stared at the display. The shorter rolled her eyes while the tall stuck out her tongue.

"What? We're weirdos. Deal with it," bragged the small girl.

"Yeah, we're geekions here to take our crown BACK!"

"So, Valkyrie, what have you asked so far? What did you figure out about them?" Valkyrie stared at her hands, not answering. "Names? Mage type? Anything?" Skulduggery tilted his head as he spoke, taking in the two violently whispering girls handcuffed to the table and Valkyrie's silence and guiltiness. He looked at her accusingly.

"You haven't asked them any questions, have you?"

"No," the dark-haired girl mumbled. Skulduggery put his skull in his gloved hand. A moment passed and he brightened.

"That means I get to do the questions! You can record." He pushed the notebook and suspect information graphic organizer that were on the table toward her. She moaned, looking at the pencil.

"But that's boring, Skulduggery," she waffled. He tilted his skull happily.

"Think of it as an adventure." She half-heartedly shook her head, but picked up the pencil, ready to write. Skulduggery nodded and turned to the girls. His head drooped again.

"Valkyrie… Did you forget to uncuff them too?"

"Yes."

"Do it now."

"Yes, Master Skulduggery!" She slouched to the other side of the table and unlocked the chains. The fangirls sighed, relieved and rubbing their wrists, and fell into the chairs. Skulduggery templed his gloves.

"Let's begin. One, your names."

"Um… We're not sure we should tell you," conspired the small girl. The tall girl elbowed her.

"Our taken names, dummy. She's A-"

"Stop it! I don't know which one I want to to be!"

"Oh my Golden God, Shorty! We whispered about it for almost five minutes! And haven't you decided on one by now?" The girls voices were raised and the short girl looked betrayed.

"I never thought I'd have to actually use-" she said, unhappily. Skulduggery interrupted with his velvet voice.

"We'll just leave names blank for now! Next question, why were you at Gordon's Mansion?" The tall girl perked up at a question she could answer. The short girl remained sullen, leaning back in her seat, arms crossed and pouting. The tall girl was prepared to speak.

"We are total fangirls with bunches of money from our authors begging us to put their books on our famous blogs and we decided to blow some of it on a fangirl trip. we went to London, and 221B, and then to the Skulduggery Pleasant Museums. We really wanted to go into Gordon's Mansion and so we went onto the property and did some spying to-" Valkyrie stood up, dropping the papers.

"Spies? From the 'Valkyrie Fan Club'! They must be in disguise!" Valkyrie hopped up and tapped the tall girl's collarbone. No facade deactivated. The tall girl cleared her throat uncomfortably.

"Ah, Valkyrie, you're awesome and all, but I don't want to be brutally murdered by any of your 'Fan Club,'" The tall girl waggled her eyebrows. Valkyrie was unfazed. She start rubbing viciously at the tall girl's face.

"Makeup won't hide you now, leader of the 'Valkyrie Fan Club'!" Valkyrie grinned psychopathically.

"Ow! OW! Stop hurting my Benedict cheekbones and beautiful face!" The tall girl put her arms up in defense. The short girl pointed at the tall girl in a threatening manner. She growled like a cat.

"No-one has Benedict cheekbones except for Cumberbatch himself! Even if someone did, it wouldn't be you, fat face!" The tall girl raised an eyebrow.

"I HAVE BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH CHEEKBONES!"

"Clearly you feel strongly about this." The short girl stared at Valkyrie, who was still trying to get 'makeup' of the tall girl's face. "You guys know what? This is really freaking cool but it is WAY too much to take in right now AND I can't remember when I've last eaten which is making me nervous which is making me hungry. Can I get something to eat?" She waved a five euro bill. Skulduggery deliberated.

"No," he said with finality.

"Ooh, thanks, I was getting pretty hungry… Wait, did you say 'no'?"

"Yes."

"Skeleton, I NEED TO EAT! You wouldn't understand! You can send one of your-" She flapped her hands, looking for a word. "People thingies! Guards!"

"The answer is still-" He was interrupted by the tall girl's yell of protest as Valkyrie pulled on her ear. The small girl shook her head.

"Please let me eat," she begged. "I'm in terrible shock right now, not kidding. I fell out of the SKY! And I STILL don't know how that happened. It was like MAGIC! I have just met you and Valkyrie and you do not know how many times I have wished I could see you! But you don't freaking exist! What is this, a hallucinogen? I'm not into drugs!" The short girl started sobbing. "We need answers. Now." Valkyrie heard this and stepped away from the tall girl, who was laughing hysterically and yelling something about stopping tickling.

"Skulduggery, I'm not sure they're spies. They know absolutely nothing," Valkyrie whispered.

"A few more questions. Then we get an audience with China," he muttered back.

"Okay."

"Get the small one some food," ordered Skulduggery. Valkyrie made a face at him, but complied and left the room. Skulduggery faced the girls. They were both on the floor, one sobbing and the other looking confused. He groaned inwardly. _Weirdos_, he thought. But he spoke anyways.

"Girls, Valkyrie is getting some food, and we going to explain things soon. I just have to ask some important questions first. We've been having lots of problems with spies and fans. This Sanctuary is hanging on by a thread and we are falling behind on controlling our area. The other mage governments are just waiting to take over. We are lacking almost everything right now. If you two are against us and who broke in, you are in trouble. Like torture for answers trouble. If you just broke in, we're hiring you." The girls stood up and sat in the chairs adjacent to Skulduggery. "Please just answer the questions right now."

**YAY, half of Chappy Six… Wait, or is it :( I'm sorry? I just really wanted to publish on Valentine's Day but I was really busy and didn't finish typing… Really, really, really truly sorry. Like Skulduggery would feel if Val died 'cuz of magic stuff. I feel like Howl when he's sliming… I feel so bad...Tele, you do the crap.**

_It have to wait would be neither it would be hahahahah because now they have to wait until my B-day for the next amazing super long CHAPPY!_**(you won't believe who we meet.)**

_They might believe they may even guess but they won't believe how FUNNY it is!_

**Nope no way they will guess who we meet!**

_That isn't what I said._

**Sorry I wasn't listening, what did you say?**

_Man, you are CWAZY!_

**I know you are but what am I?**

_Oh, can I have some cucumber with that CWAZY!_

**What?**

_Or just some fruit nuggets would do for that matter._

**ANYWAY, before things get wierd (**_er)._

**Cookies and thanks and possible character in our story to the person who knows where the quote "Clearly you feel strongly about this." Hint: From a TV show!**

**Kisses,**

**Mancer**

_Have fun sleeping!_

_Tele (assuming you are going to bed). (But not saying our story puts you to sleep.)_

_**STORY TIME!**_

_You there 'cuz I just got asked to the dance by donegan! As friends of course._

**Ooh! Donegan still there? If so, tell him to tell Gracious to get his ARSE in gear!**

_Oh he says Gracious is too nervous to ask you_

**Is Gracious there, too?**

_He is waiting in the car for donegan i can go get him_

**Can I send him a message?**

_BRB gotta go grab him… Okay what do you want to say to him?_

Yo, what did you want to tell me?

**Hello, Gracious. One, I love you and two, because of 'One', will you ask me to the dance?** **Because, you running out of time to ask the most wonderful and amazing girl EVER!**

Of course I will ask you to the requiem ball!

**YAY, NOW STOP BEING ALL SENTIMENTAL AND NERD WITH MOI! HAVE YOU SEEN OUR FANFICTION? YOU REALLY SHOULD READ IT BECAUSE IT IS BEAUTIFUL! LIKE ME!**

But not as much as me. well the fanfic is more beautiful but I was referring to you.

**WHAAAAA? Nevermind I don't care. Kisses?**

Kisses, I have to get Donegan and Alex apart see ya

**Goodbye, my Derek. I will miss you everyday. Oh, and come over on Saturday. You'll get to meet Arthur! From Inception? You two were meant to be.**

Goodbye my love and I am not Derek. I am your gracious .

**I know, GraGra, but you were invented by Derek and I owe everything to Golden God and so when I call you my Derek, it is the most highest praise etc.**

And the best thing I can say about you is that your awesomeness is comparable to princess Leia's

**Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, I think I just melted. Now go save Alex from Bane. **

Well really i would be saving myself SEE YA

***makes fishy face and fishy noises* Bye, GraGra, see you at the ball!. *Winks***

**AND… INTO NORMAL CHARACTER!**

_Um, Mancy, why you crying?_

***uncontrollable sobbing***

_We just got asked to the dance by awesome people! You got your GraGra! _

**But I made it all up! GraGra is fictional! Oh, why can't I be fictional? *still sobbing***

_It's okay, my pet. Put on your Marauder's Map dress and I'll put on my HP dress. We gots to go to the Valentine's dance!_

**NEVER! I WILL COMFORT MYSELF WITH 'THE CALDER GAME'!**

_Whaaaaaaa?_

**Extraordinarily good book. Read it! NOW LEAVE! I need to be sad.**

_But there'll be ping pong… _

**Ping pong, you say? Maybe I will go to this 'school dance'. As long as I can bring 'The Calder Game' and 'Gabriel Finley and the Raven's Riddle'.**

_Sure. Lock! Lol! Let's go!_


	7. Part Two of Interrogation

**Hello again, my wonderful Minions! How are you on this fine day? You might be wondering why I am being so polite... It's because it took us so long to do ONE BLOODY CHAPTER! I'm sorry. Hopefully this chappy makes up for it. Cookies to everyone, but lemon bars to who can guess who comes into the room at the end! Ooh, and now shut up and hide! Tele's coming! **

***one***

***two* **

***three***

**SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR TELE... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! **

_Aw, thanks! I'm so flabbergasted! Now we should probably do the hello message!_

**I already did!**

_Really? The thank yous, the disclaimer?_

**Um... Yes?**

_Lying isn't becoming, Mancy! Now let's do this thing!_

**Okay. Disclaimer: Derek Landy is cool and so is his blog. I am cool and so is my blog! Therefore, I'm Derek Landy!**

_Uh, that's not how a disclaimer works and you're not the Golden God. Real Disclaimer: DL's stuff is DL's. Our stuff is our stuff. And thanks to everyone, excluding mean people!_

**Bye!**

Part Two Of Chappy Six of 'And The Fangirls Rained Upon Them'

Skulduggery Pleasant shuffled the papers around before asking the first question.

"So you wanted to go into Gordon's mansion and look around. You did some spying and then what happened?" He stared at the tall girl, inviting her to answer.

"Well, we distracted the guard and got in. Then we-" She was interrupted by the short girl.

"Hey! Don't leave out the awesome parts! So I went to attack the guard, but then he pulled out his gun. We all froze, but I knew what I had to do. I said some really clever things, and then I knocked the gun out of his hand and clubbed him over the head with my backpack! It was all like, 'Nighty night, guard!'" The shorter nodded, proud of her actions, but Skulduggery just tilted his head.

"You knocked out a guard? Who had a gun in his hand?" The snakeskin pants girl grinned.

"Yup. I gotz some skillz, man," she bragged. The skeleton shook his head slightly.

"Next question. What do you know about mages?" The tall girl made a noise of disbelief.

"Really? Nothing, freakin' absolutely nothing! We're more clueless than Shorty here is in Algebra!"

"Fatty, that doesn't make any sense because I already took Algebra! I'm in ninth grade now, technically in the summer before ninth grade but who cares, and I'm as accelerated in Math as can be! You, however, are in the ALMOST NORMAL math class! I'm almost fourteen, you're already fourteen. Almost six months older than me, you are! You've had more experience, so you should be smarter."

"What...? Oh, I'm sorry I couldn't hear you over the deafening sound of how awesome I am!" The shorter girl looked at her friend skeptically.

"Are you sure it's not your extra fat wobbling? Hm? Because you don't have any awesome… J.K! ROWLING! At least, I'm kidding about the fat part. You're not fat, but you know what? You have no right to tease me about my height! Short people are more compassionate because their body vs heart ratio is bigger and-" The tall girl cut the rant short.

"So, Skul, can you please tell us what's going on?"

"One more question," that smooth velvet voice replied. "Have you ever performed any sort of thing that could be magic?"

"Everything I do is-" The short girl was raising her eyebrows, about to praise herself, but the tall girl interrupted her.

"No. We are mortal. But don't you dare think of dropping us and not explaining anything!"

"We will tell you everything. But in the presence of the Grand Mage. We have to find Valkyrie and then get an audience." The trio left the interrogation room and went off in search of Valkyrie Cain.

Not surprisingly enough, they found Valkyrie still at the vending machine. She was talking to the redhead, Bearah. As the two fandom queens stepped closer, they heard what Bearah was saying.

"Yes, they seem particularly-" Bearah paused as she saw them. 'Why, speak of the devil! What do need, Skulduggery?"

"An audience with China, please. About… Two mortals." Val and Bearah shared a look. Bearah shrugged but the dark-haired one looked confused.

"Wait… Mortals?"

"Val, shut up." The redhead had her eyes scrunched closed and her index fingers rubbing her temples. "Holy Sherlock hat! Why is this STILL hard?" After a few more seconds, Bearah dropped her fingers and grinned.

"Did it work?" Skulduggery and Valkyrie asked together.

"Yup. China said to go right in. Meanwhile, I have to rewatch 'The Fall'. I think I have some new theories." Bearah went off down the corridor, humming the Sherlock theme song. The now foursome headed the opposite way. The short girl fell into step by Valkyrie.

"Hey Valkyrie?"

"Hmm?"

"Can I have my food?"

"Oh! Yeah!" Valkyrie handed the bag of animal crackers to her. The shorter tore open the bag excitedly.

"Ooh, a turtle! Or is that a koala…"

Two turns and a staircase later they arrived at China Sorrow's throne room. As they approached the stunning Grand Mage, both girls seemed to be arguing internally. The shorter was shaking her head violently. But as China spoke, they both arrived at a conclusion.

"Well, Skulduggery. Are these the two mortals who broke into our rendezvous and possibly jeopardized the whole arrangement? I must say, they look a little young." Her delicate voice matched her features exactly. That black as sin hair, and those pale, pale eyes were breathtakingly beautiful. The short girl wiped the look of adoration on her face off.

"I would assume you're China Sorrows. I must say, I'm a bit disappointed. I thought you would look, well, prettier." The short girl had an innocent look on her face, which was entirely contradicting her voice. She had mocked China's tone perfectly and was now poking fun at her, with a placid look on her face and an exaggerated straight posture. Valkyrie stifled a laugh and turned toward the mini China Sorrows.

"How are you resisting her… As she likes to put it, her 'effect' on people?" The short girl dropped her charade as the tall girl stepped forward.

"Well, you see… Shorty, should we reveal our secret?"

"I suppose. We know China Sorrows isn't the most beautiful person ever, so we know her 'effect' is fake. And therefore we can resist it!" The Grand Mage scoffed exquisitely.

"Really? And who, may I ask, looks more beautiful than me?" The fangirls shared a knowing look. The tall girl shrugged casually.

"Only… Benedict Cumberbatch! Followed closely by Irene Adler, aka Lara Pulver." China raised a thin eyebrow.

"Benedict Cumberbatch? What sort of mage would choose that as a name?"

"Actually, he's a mortal." Just then, the shorter spoke up.

"He's totally swoon-worthy! I mean, have you seen those cheekbones?" The snakeskin pants girl raised her hand and mimed fanning herself. "Hottie!"

"Child and marginally taller child, you must be mistaken. Now, what is it that I have to be _disgraced_ with your presence. Can we get down to business, Skulduggery?" The room was shaken back to reality, and Skulduggery spoke.

"We would like permission to explain our position as non-mortals. They've already been exposed to magic and they seem to be quite fixated on the truth. And, I would like to deliberate something with you. In private." Valkyrie narrowed her eyes.

"I'm included too, right?"

"Perhaps you will have a thought, too." China hinted.

"She should probably come too, China."

"Ah. I suppose I can't always have my way. Sacrifices must be made." The shorter threw back her head, impatient and she let out an obnoxious sigh. The tall girl rolled her eyes.

"What Shorty means to say, is we would really like to have some answers." Skulduggery looked at China, who briefly nodded her head, conveying her approval.

"I assume you've read all the 'Skulduggery Pleasant' books, since you know our names. Magic exists. We exist." The tall girl without the shirt smirked.

"Yeah. We've gathered that."

"Oh. Okay. I suppose that speech wasn't necessary then."

"It was more like a sentence, Skullman," corrected the shorter.

"Do you have any questions, then?" Val asked, noticing the questions on the tip of the fangirls' tongues. The taller of the two nodded enthusiastically. Skulduggery looked at Valkyrie.

"Valkyrie, we're the ones interrogating here. We can't just let them ask a bunch of pointless, redundant, repetitive questions and waste our time."

"They're obviously confused. Just let them ask a few questions, Mr. Skulduggery My-Ego-Can't-Let-Two-Innocent-Girls-Ask-A-Few-Questions Pleasant!"

"That is so long and ridiculous. But fine. They can ask questions. But if they start asking pointless, redundant, repetitive questions... And why are they innocent?"

"Hate to break up this banter, but where the bloody hell-" The tall girl was interrupted by her friend.

"You shouldn't swear!"

"Okay, where the bloody hell-ooo is my shirt?"

"Better," nodded the shortest. Meanwhile, China was getting more annoyed by the second.

"Can we just get this started? Or can you leave my quarters? You are tainting it with your nonsense." China looked around, but when no one responded she sighed and disappeared through the door.

"Your shirt was taken when we took you into the medical wing. We had to make sure the symbol wasn't dangerous."

"What symbol?" asked the taller.

"That bird-crown thing," explained Skulduggery. Valkyrie face-palmed. The shorter played with her animal crackers.

"Oh my Golden God. Bloody hell-ooo! That's not a mage symbol! It's the StarWars Rebel Symbol! Don't you people watch movies?"

"A stupid question! They-"

"See, I told you, Skulduggery! It's not a symbol!" Valkyrie glared at the skeleton.

"So, can I have my shirt back? And the stuff in my boots? Please?" The tall girl pulled out puppy-dog eyes. Skulduggery looked pointedly at Valkyrie. She sighed.

"Are you going to make me go get it? Seriously, Skulduggery?" He tilted his skull. Valkyrie sighed once again, but left to retrieve the confiscated objects.

"My shirt is coming back to me! My job here is done. Shorty, your turn." The person in question looked up from her snack.

"Oh, thank you, Your Majesty!" The tall girl stuck out her tongue at the tease and walked over to the walls to examine the paintings. The shorter turned to Skulduggery.

"So Skullman. Where are we? I mean, I know it's the Irish Sanctuary, but where?"

"That's actually a good question. We are in a different dimension. After the war you read about in the Skulduggery Pleasant books we realized we were endangering the mortals. We debated with all the other Sanctuaries for a while, but ultimately decided to move into a different dimension. We made the transition, but some mages are still in the mortal world. That's why we have to go back sometimes, and have a Shunting rendezvous. That, and how we have to go back for supplies."

"We're in another dimension? That's really freakin' cool!" The shorter's cobalt eyes shined in wonder. "Wait, was Gordon's Mansion real, or just made for mages? Will it open at some point? For the fans?"

"Yes, at some point. Those books you stole are real. Same for the razor. We found it in the rubble of the old Sanctuary. Or someone found it somewhere and gave it to us." The shorter girl cleared her throat uncomfortably, as she was just exposed of stealing. There was an awkward pause. In the background, they heard the tall girl saying _"And that, my friends, is a rabid wolf being ridden by an Orc. Or a bunny." _The shorter rolled her eyes, and looked back at Skulduggery.

"So, um, could we, uh, keep the books? And the razor? You won't be able to pry it away from Obsessor Over Sanguine." Skulduggery tilted his skull.

"I suppose. But I'm not encouraging stealing."

"Oh please, Skulduggery! What about in the books? Are most things real? Like the characters and their powers? And... I hate to ask this but, who of the Dead Men are alive?" The shorter sniffled a bit and wiped her eyes.

"Well, all of the main characters are correct, and all of the things that happened in the books happened in real life. Valkyrie, Dexter, Saracen, and I are alive from the Dead Men. Valkyrie and I are still detectives and Dexter and Saracen are Elders." Tears were running down the snakeskin pants girl's face. The tall girl was still talking.

"_And this fall painting represents Pixie Hollow because there are flowers they can make dresses out of and there is water since fairies need water to live._" The crying girl looked at her friend.

"Uh, girl, everything needs water to live! Except Skeleton Skulduggery, of course." The tall girl stepped out of her 'painting appraiser' voice and responded.

"Not icebergs, Shorty!" Everyone in the room stared at her in disbelief. "Okay, maybe icebergs but... Girl, are you crying?" The shorter wiped her eyes furiously.

"Everyone who died in the books died in real life," she deadpanned. The tall girl stared. When she finally spoke, her voice was tiny.

"Really? Not Dexter and Saracen though, right? What about... Sanguine?" Both girls looked at Skulduggery for an answer.

"We're not sure. We didn't find a body, but no clues have been found that he is active." The 'painting appraiser' was standing in shock, blinking hard. Then she snapped at of her trance and smirked.

"YES! I knew he was to awesome, cool, amazing, radical, ect… to die!"

"Um, we don't know of he's alive or dead. Anyway, really important question here. Does Dexter really have abs you can cut yourself on? Or is that a fabrication?" The short girl raised her eyebrow.

"I wouldn't really know, as I don't really care. Can we move on now?" The short girl held up one finger.

"One more question. Is Derek Landy a stalker, or just a really thorough interviewer?"

"Oh, neither. He's a Sensitive who we hired to make the perfect cover story," Skulduggery answered.

"How is it perfect? You're just telling everyone you exist!"

"But if they see something they'll just think it's a stunt." The tall girl pondered about this while the shorter nodded.

"That's pretty clever, coming from someone who doesn't have a brain," teased the short girl. Just then the door opened and in walked Valkyrie.

"Hey guys, sorry it took so long. First they wouldn't give me your things, saying they were stolen and you two had to pick it up." Valkyrie stepped farther into the room and tossed a purple backpack and an evidence bag to their owners before continuing speaking. "And then these two demanded I tell them what happened at Gordon's and then they insisted on meeting the 'two mortals who broke into one of the highest security places of the Irish Sanctuary'. Again, sorry."

"Who-" Skulduggery began, but his question was answered as two men stepped into China Sorrow's throne room. The short girl burst into tears once again.

_**GUESS WHO THEY ARE!**_

_**Bye, **_

_Tele_**mancer**


	8. The Unexpected Revealed and Mortals?

**Hello, hello, hello! How are you wonderful people today? I'm really good! And HAPPY! I don't know why! But I'm happy! Happy! Happy! Aren't you? RAINBOWS! BROWNIES! SUNSHINE! SOLANGE-**

_Well then! Apparently, Mancer is very happy today. _**SOLANGELO! **_It's getting sort of annoying though, wouldn't you agree? *pulls out duct tape and cackle maliciously* This'll stop you! _

***indistinct mumble* *indistinct mumble* *flailing* **

_So much better, don't you think? Disclaimer: We have plot. Golden God has inspiration, our love and everything, and the characters. Now, I had a GREAT idea for this welcome message! __We're_ _I'm going to tell you how our writing process works!_

***indistinct mumble* *loud RIP noise* OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW! OW! I am in SO much pain right now! I think I pulled my whole face off! **

_Oh, baby, I am swo sworry! That booboo must hwurt swo bwadly! _

**It does. I accept your apology though!**

…

**It was sarcasm, wasn't it?**

_Positively dripping with said substance._

**Poop you. Anyway, writing process? **

_So I write the rough draft in my journal, for brownie points in Language Arts. I get the plot down, and some some the jokes _**(most)**_,Then I pass it onto Mancy to type. _**(wait that came out wrong…) I mean (LEAST)**

**I work my BUTT off, typing usually ALL day. I add in HILARIOUS dialogue. (I am the Dialogue Queen!) I make Tele's writing make sense grammatically, and I fix all the randomness that is her 'punctuation' and 'capital letters'. And by the way, we have a SUPERDIDUPPIRTY important poll for you to answer!**

_I suck at dialogue, punctuation, SPELLING, grammar, acting, grace wait I'm getting off track. On with the story! _

"So, who are these famed mortals?" Gracious O'Callahan and Donegan Bane stepped into the room. The short girl was staring at them, around her tears. The taller was grinning.

"Hello! I'm not to be named at this moment. Shorty here won't let me tell anyone until she figures hers out. And she is saying hello right now. You just can't hear her, because she is fangirling so bad." The girl is question's mouth was opening and closing like a fish's, but no words were coming out.

"Hey," Donegan spoke up. "I'm Donegan, and this is Gracious."

"Oh, we know!" The taller nodded self assuredly.

"Okay." Donegan looked confused. Gracious was peering at the shorter's _interesting _expression. "So you're fans, are-" Donegan was interrupted by the shorter, who finally found her voice. She was walking slowly towards Gracious. Suddenly, she broke out into a run and ran into him, throwing her arms around the mage despite the height difference. She gestured to herself and Gracious.

"We're my OTP." She grinned stupidly up to him, with tears still running down her face. Everyone in the room stared at them and burst out laughing. Gracious backed away from the hugger and hid behind Donegan. Donegan stopped giggling to tease his friend.

"That's a new one, isn't it? Usually they just scream and point! Not burst into tears and confess their love for you."

"Shut up," he said grumpily. The short girl was still fixated on him.

"Hi, Gracious! My name is Avis Drubbing!" She chirped and held her hand out to him. The man stopped hiding behind his fellow Monster Hunter and shook.

"Hey! You wouldn't let me share our names!" The tall girl was indignant.

"Shush. At least I didn't Solemnly Swear you." She was still holding Gracious' hand and looking into his eyes. The tall girl rolled her eyes.

"Or Unbreakable Vow me," she added and shoved Avis out of they way.

"Well if you get to introduce yourself then so do I," She stepped up to the pair and also held out her hand. "I'm Alex. Alex Banter." Then Avis came to her senses, jolted by the shove. She squealed like a true fangirl.

"OH MY GOLDEN GOD! I AM MEETING THE OTHER HALF OF MY OTP! I THOUGHT YOU WERE FICTIONAL! I THOUGHT THIS WOULD NEVER HAPPEN! THIS IS SO FREAKIN' COOL! AND GRACIOUS, YOU'RE EVEN HOTTER THAN I THOUGH! I-" The door China had disappeared through opened and the Grand Mage stepped in.

"What is this grotesque squealing? And Skulduggery, you said we needed to talk. Everyone else, get out. Valkyrie, I suppose you can stay if you want. Valkyrie laughed.

"No thanks, China. I want to see this!" She led the way out of the room. Gracious and Donegan followed. Alex ceased her giggles long enough to escape after them and Avis trailed out, moonstruck and like a little puppy, after Gracious. Once they were out of the room, Valkyrie spoke up.

"Well, I'm tired. And, no offense, but you guys look terrible. Avis, your pants are ripped and you have a really swollen scar above your eye." Avis ran a finger over the cut she had gotten from climbing the tree.

"Idiot trees," she muttered.

"And Alex, well, you… You just look tired. Who's up for a spa day? The new Sanctuary nurse, she might of even cared for you two, convinced some hotshot to pay for a brilliant medical spa! Sarah Candy, I think her name was?" Gracious' hand shot up, and noticing this, so did the shorter's. Donegan looked resigned as he raised an arm and Alex rolled her eyes.

"Fine," agreed the tall girl. The short girl cheered.

"WOO! A SPA DAY!" Gracious eyed her with a smidge of newfound respect. The ragtag team headed down the corridor, laughing and joking and teasing like long friends.

**(**_As our wonderful characters _**frolick** _down the hallway, let's travel back to Skulduggery and China, who are _**dreadfully in love** _having the important meeting. And Mancer, I thought you didn't ship Chinduggery! _**I don't but I like randomly and awkwardly interr-** _Back to the story! _**Nice random and awkward interr-)**

China delicately shut the door after Alex exited. "Skulduggery, what did you want to talk about? I assume those mortals?"

"Well, as you know, we are running low on resources at this Sanctuary. Especially staff. It was a lucky break to get that Candy nurse."

"I am well aware of this. I might be a tad self-centered, but I am employed as Grand Mage here."

"Well, Valkyrie and I have been stretching ourselves quite thin as detectives, mostly because we have to take many smaller cases. An example of that is the necklace you want. It would be easy for us to accomplish but it takes a long time, with the stakeout, and we have more pressing matters, such as the rampant sorcerers still running around in the mortal world."

"Surely you don't think?" He nodded as solemnly as a skeleton can. China sighed. "Skulduggery, they're mortals! The whole reason we moved was so we aren't putting mortals into danger. This is ridiculous, what would we do with two dead mortals? The other Sanctuaries would jump at the opportunity to discredit us!"

"China, I know this, but we need more detectives. At least until we settle into this dimension and round up all the mages left! We are using guards to do the jobs Valkyrie and I can't. Guards! Do you have any other people in mind?"  
"No, but they are _mortals_!"

"They've shown potential, breaking into the mansion. We can train them in fighting. We can test them, to see if this is a good idea. They could even have some magic in them!"

"No they don't. We had the Nurse scan them while they were unconscious. Even less magic in them than normal mortals! What if they're spies, Skulduggery?"

"They would have attacked by now. And I met and interrogated them. And, as you said, the Nurse scanned them. They aren't spies. Please, just take some sort of initiative! At least test them!"

"I-"

"China, I see in them what I saw in Valkyrie! At least consider!"

"I. I can't believe I'm saying this. I will deliberate with the Elders. Victorya will schedule a meeting. Now, would you please leave me? I must do… Something." China fluttered her hand towards the door, motioning Skulduggery to exit.

"Thank you." And with that, the great Skeleton Detective left.

**PLEASE RESPOND TO THE POLL! IF YOU WANT US TO UPDATE AGAIN! **

_Just do it. Please. It will make Mancer really happy!_

**IT WILL! Di Immortals, Will and Nico! Solangelo!**

_*facepalm* She discovered Solangelo. Now she won't shut up._

**Don't deny the shnuggles, Tele! Embrace them!**

_Do I need to get out the duct tape again?_

**NOOOOOOO! **

_Okay! Then SHUT UP! So peeps, you know our taken names! How cool is that? I'm Alex._

**I'M AVIS DRUBBING! Drubbing means: ****a beating; a thrashing or a resounding defeat in a match or contest!**

_You probably know what Banter means. Well, we should probably go!_

**Wait!, you need to tell them your dark secret!**

_And what might that be?_

**You have FLUFFOPHOBIA! And that we're sorry this is a shorter one, we'll will probably have one up tomorrow! No school!**

_**WELL, BYE!**_

_***flies away, into beautiful sunset, on an alicorn***_

_*flies away on a firebolt, saying 'Suck it, Malfoy!'*_


	9. We're Off To Have A Spa Day!

**Back with Val and crew. **

_Skulduggery is just… Doing some skeleton things. _

**He's like… Solving a case or something. Just sorta forget about it.**

_Don't get us wrong, he's awesome but… _

**Blame the crossover!**

_This isn't a crossover. _

**Between real life and the Awesome Land Of Awesomeness. ALOA!**

_Ookay. Well, STORYTIME!_

**One more thing! Tele, you wanted to bring it up?**

_Oh! So, I know I've said this before but I really REALLY want my sis to read this. But she'll only read it if it had 25 followers. We've had 172 visitors. PLEASE JUST PRESS THE FOLLOW BUTTON!  
_**AND SHIP SOLANGELO!**

_*growls and pounces*_

***runs away screaming very very loudly* *pauses to wave to you wonderful peeps* *and continues running***

**Postscript: Go right now, open up a new tab, and search PMS 301! It's important for understanding the story!**

Chapter Eight of 'And The Fangirls Rained Upon Them'

Alex, Avis, Donegan, Gracious, and Valkyrie were walking down a long hallway towards the spa.

As they turned a corner, Val noticed a certain redhead and stopped.

"Bearah! Hey, what's up?"

"Not much. Just waiting for China to finish talking to Skulduggery."

"Ooh, what are they talking about? Bearah, tell me!" Valkyrie pulled out her best pleading eyes. Bearah waved her off.

"You'll know soon enough. There's going to be a meeting and I'm pretty sure you can come."

"Please?"

"No."

"Fine," sighed Valkyrie. "Well, we're heading to the spa. Want to come?"

"Yeah, sure! Wait, are we going to have to pay?"

"We can charge it on the Sanctuary."

"Why are we going?" Bearah asked. Valkyrie shrugged.

"I don't know. Just to try it out." Then in a lower tone, she added. "I don't want anyone here to recognize them as mortals. It's dangerous, having no magic when everyone else is quite good at it." Bearah nodded, then covered the conversation up with a bright tone.

"Cool beans! I'll come then. I need to visit Sarah anyway, to get Season Three of Sherlock back!" Bearah joined the march down the corridor. "Is Avis coming?" Alex answered this time.

"Yeah! She's here… Oh no, she kept walking!" Alex pointed to a small figure about to turn down another hallway. Valkyrie cringed.

"Avis! It's the other way!" Alex laughed.

"Meh. She'll find it eventually." Gracious glared.

"That's not very nice!" argued the Monster Hunter.

"Um, we're best friends. Although, I suppose that is wasn't very… _Gracious_!" The group finally got to the hallway where the shortest had disappeared down. She was nearing the end and looked around, confused. Valkyrie yelled again.

"Avis, wrong way!" The girl in question spun around, saw them, and waved happily. Valkyrie motioned for her to come. Alex rolled her eyes and continued walking.

"She'll catch on eventually!" Then she turned towards Gracious and Donegan. "She's not usually like this. Avis is actually quite smart and cool. She's just, uh, in shock…? She just about worships you two."

"I don't know. I kind of like her like this," Gracious mused. Both Donegan and Alex whipped their heads toward him. Donegan's eyes widened.

"Does Gra-Gra have a crush? Aw!"

"NO! She's, like, ten!"

"Almost fourteen," Alex corrected. Gracious pouted.

"Just forget I said anything!"

"NEVER!" Alex and Donegan chorused. Just then, Valkyrie and Bearah caught up to them.

"What's 'NEVER!'?" Bearah questioned.

"Gracious has a-" Donegan was cut off by Gracious' hand clamping over his mouth.

"I have nothing! Nothing happened!" All raised their eyebrows. "I swear!"

"Sure…" Valkyrie said knowingly.

"Whatever you say," chimed Bearah. Avis finally caught up to them. She stopped, bent over, her hands on her knees. She took a few deep breaths and then spoke.

"I know what I'm going to do! I'm dying my hair… blue!"

"Cool! I wish I could get Fletcher to color his hair," Bearah explained. "He would look like an anime guy!"

"You know Fletcher?" Avis inquired.

"Oh! Yes, he's my boyfriend!" Avis blinked a few times but got over the shock. Alex, however, mimicked vomiting and stopped walking.

"OH MY GODS, you're dating Fletcher?! Fletcher Renn? With the hair? That's really big and defies gravity and the laws of physics?" The redhead chuckled goodnaturedly.

"Yes, that Fletcher Renn. And he's actually really nice! No longer cocky!"

"I wouldn't go that far!" Everyone laughed at Valkyrie's comment, even Bearah.

"So how long have you been together?" Avis asked.

"Since I got the job as China's assistant. That's where we met. Maybe a year?"

"How did you get the job as China's assistant? Ooh, and what's your power?" The shorter girl fished for more information.

"They go together. I'm an Adept, branching of of Sensitive magic. I'm able to have a telepathic connection. China 'convinced' me to bond with her and so I took the job as her assistant. It's not super strong, like we hear every thought, but we can send messages without speaking and over very long distances. I've been training so it hurts less. My instructor says that eventually, I'm might be able to have connections with multiple people! This hasn't been achieved before! People are saying I'm really powerful, because I've mastered the techniques so fast." Suddenly, Bearah stopped and blushed. "It's not that cool, I mean…" Avis and Alex shrugged.

"It's fine, Bearah."

"Yeah. It's cool to hear about the magic."

"Thanks, guys. I'm glad you're not bitter. Since you don't have magic and all. Maybe someone could invent some magic thing that mortals could use?"

"Bearah, seriously, it's fine!" Alex reassured.

"Yeah, I have my trusty backpack!" Avis gestured to the sack on her back. "I don't need anything else." Bearah grinned. Gracious poked into the conversation.

"I heard that you knocked out Permeate with that thing while he was holding a gun!"

"Yup! That's what backpacks are for, right?" Donegan laughed and Alex wiggled her eyebrows behind Avis. Gracious scowled at her but kept speaking.

"So, where are you two from? What's the mortal world like?"

"Well, right now, we're in the middle of WWZ. But I still have my brain!" Alex joked. Everyone rolled their eyes at the cheesy reference.

"We're from Iowa. In the middle of America? We, like, have no hills and a whole lot of soybeans and pigs. And supposedly," Here Avis put on a country cowboy twang. "We talk like this!"

"So you guys really like Skulduggery Pleasant?" Donegan asked. Avis coughed nervously, and twisted her fingers. Alex just grinned.

"You could say that," The taller fangirl said. "We could also bring up that fact that we both have really famous blogs on books, so famous that authors drown us in money so we say good things about their works. We're, uh, kind of… Millionaires? That's where we got the money to do this trip!" Avis elbowed her friend.

"Don't brag just yet," she whispered. Alex poked her tongue out.

"So how close are we to the spa?" Valkyrie glanced at a sign as they walked by it.

"Uh, I'm pretty sure we have a staircase to find and go up, and then it's just on the left. This wasn't built to be the Sanctuary. It's a little big. So what's your family like?" Avis nodded.

"Normal one. A mum, a dad, and a 21 year old brother. I had a cat, but she died at the beginning of the summer." Bearah frowned in sympathy. Gracious offered an apology.

"That's really sad. I'm sorry, Avis."

"It's okay. She was older than me, so it was bound to happen soon. I was thinking of getting a kitten, actually. I love cats."

"Maybe we can find you one!" offered Gracious.

"Thanks! I would love a magic kitten. You're so _gracious_." Gracious and Valkyrie rolled their eyes at the joke.

"What about you, Alex? Do you have a family?" Valkyrie asked.

"No," Alex said sarcastically." I just appeared out of thin air!"

"Well, you did when you fell out of the sky!"

"Okay, yes, that's true. My fam is fine. I doubt they would notice if I'm gone though." Bearah gasped and pointed down the hallway.

"Look, it's the staircase!" Everyone stopped walking. Avis looked around at the group with a smirk on her face.

"It would be really childish if we ran towards and up it, wouldn't it?"

"Derek Landy, yes." That was Alex.

"Definitely," Valkyrie and Bearah agreed.

"RUN!" Avis hollered. They took off, sprinting towards the staircase, Gracious in the lead. They slowed down, reaching the room with a sign by it labeled **Spa** and a picture of an ocean sunset.

"We're here!" Gracious squealed, skidding into the lobby with a manmade waterfall, and a few white lounge chairs that were around a small pool. Valkyrie hurried up to the light pink-haired receptionist and pulled out a Sanctuary ID. The lady at the desk scanned it and smiled as she handed it back. Then her eyes widened.

"Bearah! Is that you?" Bearah glanced over.

"Sarah! Do you have the disc for me?"

"Yep!" The receptionist handed the Sherlock CD over. "Who are your friends?"

"Well, you know Val and Gracious and Donegan. These two are Avis Drubbing and Alex Banter! They're the two mortals who we got that alert about." Bearah waved over the rest of the group, who were mooning over the waterfall. "Guys, this is the nurse, Sarah Candy!"

"Hi! How are you?" Sarah stepped out from behind the desk to greet them. She looked about 16-17 and was a few inches shorter than five feet. Her waist long, straight, pink hair and cyan eyes suited her huge grin perfectly. She stepped right up to Avis and shook her hand.

"Hi Sarah! I want to dye my hair a bright PMS 301!"

"And that'll be perfect for you! Just up to the tops of your ears, I think. And we'll get a facial for that nasty cut from… A tree?" She stepped to Alex and shook her hand, ignoring Avis' confused look. "Alex, tsk, tsk, did you forget your glasses? Not wearing them strains your eyes! We'll get some for you right away! Navy blue nerd ones will fit your face structure very well!" She pulled out a notepad from her apron and jotted down a few notes. "20-80 in the right eye and 20-60 in the left! We'll get started on them while you have a healing rock bath!"

"Sarah, how do you know that I need glasses?" Sarah looked up, surprised.

"Oh! Silly me! That's my power! I touch people and I instantly get magic readings, deformities, injuries. You two have surprisingly low magic levels!"

"Okay…"

"Well! We should get started on the Spa Day! I'll pay for it all, my treat!" She brushed her hand along Gracious' and Donegan's and pointed them towards a male attendant. "Mr. O'Callahan, go ask Belleza to get you an ordinary facial and Mr. Bane-"

"I'd like the tropical package," Donegan interrupted. Sarah looked at him weirdly before continuing.

"We don't have a tropical package, Mr. Bane. But you can also ask Belleza to get you Krása, for a HR bath! Now shoo!" She shoved them toward the Spanish worker. As they walked away, Gracious snicked at his friend.

"Shut it, Gracious! I didn't know!" Valkyrie held out her hand for the nurse to touch.

"What about me?"

"You're pretty much good! I would recommend the Sauna. Or the Steam Room! Yes, go ask Pěkný, she's Krása's sister over there with the parrot, to run the Steam Room with… S-18-21T steam! That'll help with all the bruises and soreness. Some yoga in there would be good, maybe some meditating? You could ask Pěkný for a yoga pose pamphlet!" But Valkyrie had already hurried away. Bearah was still reading the back of the CD case when Sarah poked her cheek. Bearah looked up, startled.

"Bearah Victorya! What have I told you about overusing your powers?"

"That's the only way I'll-" Bearah defended.

"No! You're giving yourself hideous headaches! Go find Opustiti again. The Moon Pool with five minute HC intervals, with P-57-03R on cold and P-62-11R on hot. I swear, if I have to prescribe that AGAIN, you'll face the wrath of Candy!"

"Somehow, that wasn't very threatening. I think it was the 'Candy' part." But the redhead turned to find Opustiti anyway.

"Just go, Bearah. Anyway, back to the most interesting clients!" She sized up the fangirls again. "I'll be taking care of both of you today! Follow me!" They headed into one of the rooms leading off from the lobby. Sarah held the curtain for them and Avis and Alex stepped in. Both gasped. The room was extravagant, dripping in luxury. The floor, walls, and ceiling were covered with Spanish tiles, which Avis instantly ran towards.

"These tiles are beautiful! I tried to paint one once, in my art class. It was so hard, but these... These are perfect!" The shorter said reverently. Alex barely spared a glance. Instead, she went to the bath. The whole perimeter, besides where you enter the crystal clear water, was lined with faucets.

"It's like the Prefect bath in Harry Potter! The one where Moaning Myrtle gets all creepy!" Sarah giggled.

"That it is! Here, let me get it set up!" The pink-haired nurse peered at the faucets. She found the one she was looking for but, instead of twisting it, she pulled it up about an inch and turned it until it clicked loudly three times. Then, she pushed it back down. Almost instantly, three yellow porous rocks fell out of the faucet, into the water. They dissolved, leaving a film of yellow dust on the bottom of the pool. Sarah pressed a button on the wall and the water started bubbling. Alex stared at it in delight. She grabbed a robe, changed into it, and hopped into the water, sighing with pleasure. Sarah smiled, happy at her client's reaction. She turned to the other girl in the room, who was still looking at the tiles.

"Now, Avis! Let's get you started, shall we?" Avis cheered and followed the beauty and medicine expert to a hair washing station. Sarah adjusted the chair and then motioned for Avis to sit down. She opened a side cabinet and pulled out a bottle. "PMS 301, you said?"

"Yup!"

"Then let's get the party started!" The pinkhead put Avis's hair into the sink and hummed as she turned on the water. She grabbed a bottle of mixed shampoo and conditioner and massaged it into the blonde hair. A few minutes later, after putting the blue hair in a towel and filling the bath with bright orange bubbles, Sarah moved to a steel counter with various jars on it. Avis craned her head, trying to see what the nurse was doing.

"What are you doing?"

"Hm? Oh, making a healing facial to get rid of that scar," she explained while grounding some black leaves into a powder. "Hey Alex? Do you want a facial?"

"Sure. I love this pool so much," replied the bather lazily. "So relaxing…" Sarah shook her head slightly and pulled down a bag of ground cocoa beans. She cracked an egg into a bowl, poured in the chocolate, and added some other unidentifiable substances. With the black leaf powder, she added some water, and then some different gels. After stirring, it got warmed up on the two burner stove. Sarah then spooned some onto Avis' swollen cut.

"Wow, that's really weird… It's like warm and cold at the same time! What is it?"

"Oh, just a concoction I created! I really like mixing beauty stuff and magic, you know? I'm pretty well known for my healing lotions. They're used in the majority of mage hospitals now. I also have my own line of magical beauty supplies." She held up the chocolate mixture. "This is my most famous. Candy's Magical Facial! I do a play on the 'Candy' part. You see, I use some sort of sweet in all my products. Chocolate in this one, I have a caramel lotion out!" Sarah headed to Alex and applied the mixture.

"There! Well, chicas, I have to go check on my other charges! Avis, no moving! Alex, no touching or getting the mask wet! I will check back in soon!" And with that, the door closed.

"Hey Alex?"

"Hmm?"

"What do you think of all this?"

"Oh my Golden God, the pool is so-"

"Not the spa, idiot. This. Our idols being real!"

"Oh. Really freakin' cool an-"

"Like, is this really real? Is it, like, a dream? Or an experiment?"

"It's perfectly logical! It fits!"

"I know… But…" Avis trailed off. "If it's real, I want to stay here forever."

"Same."

"But we can't! We have families!"

"Avis, we don't have to worry about it right now. Our trip lasts until the end of the summer. We can stay here until then! And if we want to stay, I'm sure Skulduggery can think of something. Right now, I think we should thank EVERYONE that we are talking with the Skulduggery Pleasant characters." Avis laughed.

"True that!" The two friends continued talking, joking about Gravis (Gracious and Avis), until Sarah came back in. She bustled around, peeling off Alex's face mask, draining the pool, and then brought out a package.

"What's that?" Both girls asked, curious. Sarah pulled out a pair of navy blue nerd glasses. Alex snatched them up and shoved them on her face. The nurse held up a mirror.

"Gah! I love them!"

"You have good reason to! They have protective spells and everything, even if you get punched, they'll stay on! Can you see perfectly?"

"Yes! They are so COOL!"

"Great!" Sarah ushered Alex out. "Now go show the rest! They're all waiting in the lobby."

"What about Avis?" she asked as she left.

"She'll come out in a second. I want to have a big reveal for her hair!" Alex shrugged and closed the curtain behind her. Sarah started wiping off the healing cream. She held up a mirror for Avis.

"It's gone!"

"What, did you think my goop wouldn't work?"

"No, but it's truly gone! Wow!"

"Just wait until you see the hair!" Sarah fussed around with the now-gone cut, and then pulled off the towel. Avis gasped. Her bobbed, light honey colored hair was now a bright slightly-turquoise blue from the ends to almost the tips of her ears. She looked at it from all angles, taking in the shine.

"I love it! So much!" she squealed. "Oh my Golden God, thank you! Thank you!" She pulled Sarah in for a hug.

"I'm glad! I love it too, almost as much as my hair!" The nurse put a bottle in Avis' hand. "Now, the hair dye I used is permanent. Really permanent. It stays there for forever! It also always turns blue in that spot. That bottle is the only stuff that will get it out. Just use it like shampoo if you want it gone."

"I'm never taking it out!"

"Take the bottle, just in case. Oh, the color matches your eyes perfectly! They're the exact same blue!"

"Thank you so much," Avis' replied earnestly.

"Now let's go show those non hair-dying sissies what they're missing out on!" They high-fived and Sarah folded the hair back up into the towel. Then, ducking through the curtain, they entered the lobby. Valkyrie, Alex, Bearah, Gracious, and Donegan were sitting in the plush chairs, talking animatedly. Valkyrie saw them first.

"Look! Avis is back!" The rest of the group looked up.

"Hello, friends," she said, walking up to them. "Feast your eyes on the amazingness that is this." She pulled the towel off gracefully. "BLUEBERRY AVIS!" The reactions were all noteworthy, Bearah's huge eyes, Gracious' fish impression. But most dramatic of all, was Alex's.

"DI IMMORTALS!" She screeched, loud and high enough to shatter glass and eardrums. "IT'S ELECTRIC BLUE!"

**Aaaannndddd, there you go! Two chappies in two days!**

_Aren't you proud? And you got some blue hair!_

**We'll probably have another chappy, too! This weekend! Anyway, we'd like to mention that Sarah Candy is based off, yet another, amazing friend! Shoutout to you, Lucius!**

_Well, we should call it a night!_

**Yep. I got to go do homework… *pout***

_And… We're off!_

_***board Catbus from My Neighbor Totoro* **_

_**BYE!**_


	10. The Fellowship of the Sanctuary

**You guys are SO FREAKIN' AWESOME! I am so glad to see our story slowly achieve world dominance, and all you people saying all these WONDERFUL things! **

**To Saige Chia (because you don't have an account): Thank you so MUCH! I'm glad you love me, (I'm the shorty!), and we will never ever ever give up this! We're even planning the next book! (Tele had the idea for the plot. But we haven't decided we're going to use that one!)** _We haven't? _**Thank you, thank you, thank you! I feel speechless too. I love you for those words. And addressing the marriage one... Well, I'm certainly flattered, but you see, I have this really long list of people I want to marry (99.9% fictional). I'll put you on the list though…? Also, I, uh, don't really know you. Another thing, I don't know you. **_You don't know ALL the fictional characters! _**Finally, I still don't know you! You're really nice and cool, but, well. I kinda want to wait for Gracious, ahem, I mean, the one. **_You don't KNOW Gracious!_ **So, I can't really marry you, but we can be best friends, which is the highest compliment I give people. **_What am I, chopped liver!? _**Just know that I value you so so so so much. Thanks. Truly. *hug* **

**As for TotallyAwesome: I believe in Sherlock Holmes too. **_I do as well!_ **And we're doing the best we can! You have to admit, two chappies in two days is pretty good. Right? *looks down at the floor sheepishly* We're doing our best. We are like just recently teenagers, you know. I'm not even a teen yet. Please don't sic Umbridge on me. Just cheer me on with nice praise, yeah? **_Sic her on Mancer, just NOT me!_

_Ahhh, morning peeps! *yawns and stretches*_

**Did you just wake up? I have been on here ALL DAY!**

_YEP, though I have been annoying you for a bit if you look above. I have had a swim meet since Thursday and had to get up REALLY early. Plus, all the swimmers staying at my hotel named it the Murder Motel. Not nice at ALL! (Our lock didn't work!) *frightened look*_

**No wonder it took you so long to write this chappy!**

_Hey, my shoulders are mad at me for making them do a 200 breaststroke! They refuse to move!_

**Your shoulders can't refuse you! You control them!**

_Well then, they are just really mad at me! This is how my race went first: 50 GOOD, next 50 shoulders are getting tired, at 150 they start hurting a ton because I won't let them stop. Last 50 me screaming OW OW OW I only have a 50 left I can do this. When I am done, I'm on my couch saying just think of how well you would have done if you hadn't been injured!_

**Sounds bad, but that is no excuse to stop writing for 3 WHOLE DAYS!**

_I can't work in these conditions, I am going to ice my shoulders and watch My Little Pony *slams computer shut, then lets out a yelp of pain, and lightly opens the door to leave*_

**Well, you know what? You're always like 'OMG, you got to work and finish this and edit this!' and I'm like 'Why can't you do it? I'm reading!' and you're like 'I gotta relax!' SUCH A HIPPO-CRETIN! He-he okay then, on with the story? *looking over her shoulder* Oh perhaps, I should mention Tele has an injury in both her shoulders, something that is mostly found in old people. Just like how I have presbyopia eyes! GRANDMAS! *goes for high-five* Oh, wait she's not here. Well, we don't own Skulduggery. On to the story, I guess. And one more thing, this chapter is starting as Alex walks in. I know, kinda weird.**

Chapter 10 of 'And The Fangirls Rained Upon Them'

When Alex walked out of the spa room and into the lobby, full of her waiting friends, she was greeted by smiles.

"Those glass look great on you!"

"They fit you so well!"

"Aw, so nerdy with those glasses and those freckles!" Alex grinned and thanked them before seating herself in one of the chairs. The group started talking animatedly about miscellaneous subjects. Valkyrie was reenacting one of her cases when she noticed Avis. Smiling, Val got everyone's attention and pointed to Avis. Alex turned. And gasped. Loudly.

"DI IMMORTALS!" She screeched, loud and high enough to shatter glass and eardrums. "IT'S ELECTRIC BLUE!" Alex ran up to the hair, fidgeting with it. "So… Blue!"

"Do you like it? What do you think?" Avis inquired of her friend.

"Well, uh, it's blue."

"Astute observation."

"It's nice, I think, and cool. Just needs some time to get used to!" Gracious stood up and stepped toward Avis.

"I love it!" He held a fist out to the blue haired girl and bumped it. They jellyfished, Avis doing it Baymax style, away. Bearah stood up too.

"Ditto. I'll have to show Fletch and convince him to do it too! Val, what do you think?" But Valkyrie was staring at her phone, a surprised look on her face. Everyone crowded around.

"Val, what is it?" Donegan asked. "Anything terrible? Read it to us!" She glanced up at them, confused.

"Oh, no! It's just Skulduggery. But apparently, the Council is holding an emergency meeting! He texted that there is an emergency meeting in twenty minutes. Held by Elders and Respected. Weird!"

"I wonder what it's about…? An emergency meeting. And China didn't-" Bearah stopped abruptly and her hands flicked to her temples. "Oh, here's the message. Emergency meeting in Council Hall. Come at once with Valkyrie, Avis, Alex, and anyone else trustworthy who wants to come." Gracious and Donegan's hand shot up.

"We're coming!" They chorused. Bearah shrugged. Alex held up a finger.

"Wait, so Avis and I?"

"I guess," Valkyrie said. The two girls exchanged a look. Avis gave an excited jump.

"Who do we get to meet this time? Who do we get to meet?" she squealed, still hopping. Valkyrie smirk and elbowed Bearah.

"We wouldn't want to give away the surprise!" Valkyrie sang. Bearah returning the elbow but grinned nevertheless. Avis pulled on puppydog eyes and Alex pouted. However, a few seconds later, a grin appeared on the brown-haired girl.

"I'm sorry. I just can't be anything but happy in these glasses! I can see perfectly!" Alex commenced spinning around happily, only to be cut short by a chair. She stumbled over the leg, falling spectacularly towards the small pool, tripping again over the small ledge acting as a barrier between the water and everything else. However, this trip wasn't one where you lose your balance, it was one where your legs topple out from underneath you and fall straight down. Alex Banter plunged straight down, her arms rushing out to cushion the fall but they meet only water. The pool liquid splashed up, attacking Alex's newly returned shirt and her newly made glasses. Valkyrie and Bearah rushed forward, but Avis slumped against Gracious, clutching her sides and shaking with mirth. Alex recovered and get to her feet, wiping the water off her drenched arms. Alex glared at her friends who were laughing now that they knew she wasn't hurt. "Ahem. That didn't happen, okay? Let's just erase that from our memories." Avis shook her head.

"Never! Oh, the irony! You tripped right after you said you had perfect vision!" The fangirl broke into giggles once more. Alex rolled her eyes and changed the subject.

"So what's this meeting about?" Everyone shrugged. "Then let's find out!" The six left the spa, waving to Sarah, and headed down the staircase. Valkyrie and Bearah led them down a few more hallways before arriving at a pair of important wooden doors.

"Here we are!"

"The Council Hall," Bearah said as she gestured to the doors. Avis ran towards them, pushing as hard as she could. She finally gave up and looked towards Valkyrie.

"These doors suck! They don't work!" Gracious rolled his eyes and took the handle, pulling one open.

"You have to pull, Avis. Even I know that and I've been here once. " The blue-haired girl facepalmed. Alex grabbed her arm and pulled her into the room expecting to see a bunch of idols. But the room was empty. They all headed towards the rectangle table and slid into the chairs, leaving the three at the head empty. Avis slumped down in her chair, fidgeting with her hair. Alex stole a pen from a cup on the table and started writing 'I must not tell lies' on the back of her hand. Avis finished flattening her hair and noticed the three empty head chairs.

"Oh, who are the Elders? I know China is Grand Mage."

"You'll see." Valkyrie said, grinning at Bearah. "You'll like them though, I know that." Alex moaned but sensed defeat. Avis flattened her hair at the mention of someone she would like.

"Does it look okay?" Bearah sighed.

"Avis, you literally got it done ten minutes ago. By a beauty expert I might add. Of course it looks fine!"

"Better than mine at least." Alex complained holding up a broken band. "My hair-tie just broke! Do you know how curly it will get!" Avis nodded.

"It will! You should've seen it in the London-" Just then, the door opened. Avis' mouth dropped open and Alex's eyes widened. Skulduggery Pleasant, Fletcher Renn, Tanith Low, Dexter Vex, Saracen Rue, and Finbar Wrong. Bearah headed over to Fletcher and pecked his cheek, throwing her arms around him. Valkyrie instantly started a conversation with Tanith and Skulduggery while the Monster Hunters talked to Dexter and Saracen. Gracious motioned to the fangirls.

"Guys, this is Avis Drubbing, the short blue one, and Alex Banter, the one with the glasses." Saracen waved. Alex regained her senses and waved back. Avis still gaped.

"You should shut your mouth, you're catching flies," Valkyrie teased. Dexter started to approach them.

"Hi, I'm Dexter Vex, an Elder. Are you two the ones we're having this meeting about?" Alex ignored him, muttering to herself about the laws of probability being special again.

"Fletcher, Tanith, Dexter, Saracen. Fletcher, Tanith, Dexter, Saracen." Avis wavered back and forth before finally standing up. Gracious saw this and opened his mouth to yell something.

"Watch out, she's a hugger!" He warned but was too late. Avis' arms were around Dexter and she looked up at him.

"You are so cool! And as handsome as the books say! Alex still doesn't think you have abs you can cut yourself on though." She ran towards Saracen, not waiting for a response.

"Oh my Golden God, I think your power is the coolest and you're on the list right after Gracious and Arthur from Inception but you exist so you get moved up!" She continued down the line, trying to poke Fletcher's hair but failing as he continually swatted her hand away. Avis soon gave up and started ranting about how brave he was and sensitive. She moved away, on to the next victim, but suddenly whirled around and ran back towards Fletcher, catapulting towards his spiky hair, an inch away, but she tumbled down as Fletcher teleported out of reach.

"Um, you really want to touch my awesome hair that badly?"

"I will not rest until I touch the magicalness!" Fletcher sighed and bent down, permitting Avis to touch his hair. She stood up and poked a hair spray encrusted peak. She giggled and thanked Fletcher before heading towards the lady in the leathers. When the blue hair came to Tanith, she stared at her sword for a while and then carefully poked the tip.

"OW!" She yelped and pulled her index finger away, examining the cut and then sucking on the blood sheepishly. "Where's Baymax when you need him?" She then embraced Tanith too and then yelled to Alex.

"Al, don't touch the sword, it's real!" When Alex didn't respond, she went over to investigate. Alex was busy interrogating Dexter.

"So, are you two a thing?" she said, motioning to Dexter and Saracen. They shared a glance.

"I don't think we're obligated to answer that question," Saracen ruled, looking ever so Elder-y. Both girls scowled.

"Please? We ship Sexter! And we want to know what happens!" Alex begged. Avis clapped her hands over her ears.

"I hate that ship name, I hate that ship name. I hate-" Just then, Bearah shushed the small crowd.

"Everyone, shut up and act sophisticated and like you know what you're doing! China's coming!" Everyone pulled thoughtful expressions as China strode into the Council Hall with grace. The group took their respected seats and the emergency meeting began.

"Hello everyone. We are here today to discuss the matter of two mortals who have accidentally discovered our world. I know our usual procedure is to limit exposure and try to put the person back into their life without remembering the magical world. However, the circumstances here are different, and Skulduggery has brought up an… Interesting proposal. As we all know, far too well I might add, we are not a very well cushioned Sanctuary. Our two detectives have been complaining for quite a while now about having to take so many less priority cases."

"Such as Jerry the Butterfly Man, the Fish Market case, the Sherlock-Jumping-Off-

A-Building Not-A-Case, the-" Valkyrie interjected.

"Skulduggery has suggested we hire Avis Drubbing and Alex Banter as Junior Detectives."

_Well people this is the End Massage!_

**(Message!) Meaning?**

_As soon as this is over I get to get a massage!_

**Well I get to rewatch Starkid!**

_I can do that WHILE I get a massage!_

**Underneath these stairs I feel the glares and hear the sneers of my cousin, my uncle, and my aunt!**

_I can't believe how cruel they are it pains my lightning scar to know they'll never ever give me what I want!_

_**I know I don't deserve these stupid rules made by the Dursley's here on Privet Drive. Can't take all of these muggles but despite all of my troubles. I'm still alive!**_

_**I'm sick of summer and this waiting around. (Doo, doo) Now it's september and I'm skipping this town!**_

_**It ain't no mystery theres nothing here for me NOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW!**_

_**i gotta get back to Hogwarts i gotta get back to school!**_

_**I gotta get myself to Hogwarts where everyone thinks I'm COOOOOOL!**_

**Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts!**

_Back to goblins and ghosts and some magical feasts!_

_**It's all that I love and it's all that I need at Hogwarts HOGWARTS!**_

_**I think I'm going back!**_

**That was the first third of the first part of the first act of team Starkids A Very Potter Musical!**

_To anyone who has read HP that is hilarious!_

**And the rest of the song, part, act, musical, you can find it on youtube! Along with the sequel!**

_Now we should probably tell you why it took us are longest time YET to write this Chappy!_

**I was on a boat in the middle of the ocean, in the Galapagos!**

_STOP complaining! You were in the Galapagos! Sheesh! I on the other hand didn't go anywhere, AND my Dad took my computer to Africa so I could hardly go online! I had to borrow my Moms, and could not go on 24-7 *sighs dramatically*_

**Poor baby! You got to hang out with the crew of fangirls! **

_Well anything else? No? _

**Bye, wonderful readers!**

_Don't let the Muggles get you down!_


	11. AVPM

**Hey guys! What's up on this fine day of the beginning of April? Just some info about this chapter: We were rushed and we didn't edit as much as I'd like… **_And I was sick a-choo a-choo vomit cough *Goes back to reading her book*._

Alex and Avis sat there stunned. Mouths hanging open looking slightly faint.

"Well, lets take a vote.' said China.

Alex was the first with her hand in the air, closely followed by Avis when she put up both her hands. all around the table different hands went up till they were all in the air.

"We need the help!" said Tanaith

"They seem chill!" Said Finbar. Everyone else nodded their heads in agreement, except for Skulduggery who was too busy drinking water.

Avis promptly passed out, well Alex simply bounced around the room hugging people.

_**FFFLLLAAASSSHHHFFFOOOWWWAAARRRDDD TTTIIIMMMEEE WWWAAARRRPPP**_

"Hey Alex! What are you wearing?" Allix was wearing a cheerleading uniform, her hair curled and was wearing loads of makeup.

"I, like, ran into some preps and they, like, asked me to join their group and I, like, did."

"What? I disown you as a friend!"

"Why? Oh yeah. You're, like, a goth vampire…"

"WHAT? I'm a vampire?"

"Yeah! Remember, Jeff was all like 'Animals!', 'Vampire!', 'EAT YOU!'"

"Oh… We should probably have a flashback then."

"I guess. It all, like, happened when,like, …" They look off into the distance.

_*******FFFLLLAAASSSHHHBBBAAACCCKKK TTTIIIMMMEEE WWWAAARRRPPP*******_

"Hi Jeff."

"hi guys."

"Where have you been?"

"Killing defenseless and innocent animals."

Before they could do anything, Jeff turned Avis into a vampire.

_**FFFLLLAAASSSHHHFFFOOOWWWAAARRRDDD TTTIIIMMMEEE WWWAAARRRPPP**_

"Oh yeah. That's what happened!" Just then Gracious walks up.

"Ooh girl you're shining, like a Twilight vampire, and they don't them like Stephanie did. You're never going off the shelves." Gracious sang in the tune of Classic by MKTO. (Disclaimer: Song not ours! Really good though, look it up!) Avis joined in.

"Ooh pretty Gra Gra, this world might've gone crazy. The way you read me, who can blame me, when I just wanna make you smile?" She sang. Gracious picked up the tune.

"I wanna thrill you like Derek, I wanna kiss you like Percy. Let's get it on like Christian Grey, like Hathaway. Write a book for you like this!" He finished loud and Aviz continued.

"You're over my head, I'm out of my mind. Thinking I was born in the wrong dimension. One of a kind, living in a world gone shunting, baby you're so magic. Gra- Gra, you're so magic."

"Four dozen books, anything for you to notice. All the way to serenade you, doing

it Frozen style! I'm a pick you up in a Rebel Spaceship, like a Kenobi bringin' Leia back. Keep it read in the way I feel, I could walk you down the library." Gracious sang, as Avis began to repeat the chorus, followed by Gracious' part.

"Avis, you're over my head, I'm out of my mind. Thinking I was born in the wrong dimension. It's love on reread, everything is so goodbook-ish (I kinda like it, like it). Out of my league, old school geek. Like a character, from the book pages. You're one of a kind living in a world gone shunting, Avis, you're so magic. Baby you're so magic, baby you're so magic!" Avis picked it up with a rap, Gracious beatboxing.

"Baby you're Landy and baby you're Rowling, I never met a boy like you ever til we met. A wizard in the HP, demigod in the Riordan. Got me freaking out like the fandoms. Ghost King of the Underworld, a fan's dream and an NY Times best. Rowling, Derek, Tolkien, Riordan. Boy you're timeless, just so magic!" Avis finished rapping, perfecting the look with her goth vampire attire. Gracious and the fangirl finished the chorus together, nodding their heads to the beat. Just then, Avis turned him into a vampire.

"Wow, like, you're both like vamps now!"

Just then, they heard singing. They turned the corner and saw Valkyrie singing.

"SKULLL-DUGGER-YYYY, SKUULLL-DUGGER-YYYY, why can't you seeee probably cause you don't have eyes!"

Just then, they heard singing around a different corner and when they went around it they saw Skulduggery singing in the rain between bites of potato chips.

"I'm falling in love, falling in love, falling in love… With Valkyrie Cain."

Just then, someone moved in the shadows and they saw it was China, sobbing. She was singing through her tears, in the same tune as Valkyrie.

"SKULLL-DUGGER-YYYY, SKUULLL-DUGGER-YYYY, how can you noooot be in love with me?"

They turned the corner before they were spotted. Just then, Sanguine burst out of the ground.

"Tanith ran off with Ghastly because he grew his hair out. So I am kidnapping one of you!"

He grabbed Alex and disappeared underground.

Just then, Dexter walked up.

"Wassup?"

"Well me and Gracious are both vampires, but we have straight teeth."

"Where is Al?"

"Who's Al?"

"Alex, all goth vampire kids shorten words."

"Oh she just got kidnapped by Sanguine." Gracious explained to Dextar. Just then, he fell down on the steps of the nearby house and yelled,

"SANGUINE, NOOOOOOOO, I shall get you back. For tomorrow is another day!"

Dexter in a blind rage, didn't even bother to do research. He simply started walking assuming his love for Aex would guide him to her.

He didn't know what guided him there but he soon found himself at a huge castle that was in ruins. He walked through the front doors without finding anyone there. However once he was inside he started to hear people talking. He avoided him and started walking down the stairs because his instincts told him to. as he walked he started singing to himself.

" It's just a bit of makeup Dexter wake up! This could mean… I'm falling in love falling in love with Alex Banter!

Alex was bored so she started singing.

"Here I am face to face with a situation, I never thought I would be trapped in a cell. The way sanguine makes a mess, and makes him nothing less than a hero to me. This could mean… I'm falling in love, falling in love with Dexter Vex!"

All of the sudden, she heard someone coming and was worried it was Sanguine, but in walked in Dexter. He got down on his knee and started singing.

"You're tall, fun, and skinny, you're really, really pretty, Alex. You're the Micky to my Minnie, wanna take you out to dinny, Alex. Cuter than a guinea pig, wanna take you down to Winnipeg. THAT'S IN CANADA! Will you marry me!"

"Yes!"

There wedding was a week later, and Avis and Gracious went.

"Well," said Avis, "I think we both learned to never-"

***laughing maniacally***

_*also laughing maniacally*_

**Whew, okay… So how'd you guys like the chappy? Hehe. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-**

_Mancy, shut it so I can explain!_

**-HAHAHAHA- Fine…**

_Well. You might be wondering about this chapter… It's a little different than the others…_

**I'll say! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-**

_OH MY GOLDEN GOD! SHUT IT! As I was saying, today is April Fool's Day where we live! It's a day of practical jokes, so that's why we did this. I am really sorry-_

**NO APOLOGIES! MY SLYTHERINESS REFUSES! NO MERCY! SHOW NO MERCY!**

_Ahem. I suppose I won't make excuses then, even though a Ravenclaw would. Just know this is ALL a joke, and we did it with NO relation to the real plot, we did it just to play a joke on you guys and confuse you! So APRIL FOOLS! Next chapter should be up soon, but in the meantime-_

**OOH! I WANT TO SAY IT! We would really like to know what you guys thought of the story as you were reading it when you didn't know it was a joke. Please, please, please, if you like Skulduggery Pleasant at all, tell us what you thought. We want to laugh!**

_Oh and AVPM stands for a very Pleasant musical! GET IT! I was the one who thought of it!_

**Oh oh and all the songs are parodies to a very Potter musical, except one that is a parody to classic!**

_Oh and I wasn't sick it was just part of the prank so all of you don't need to worry constinatly about me! Well… Our work here is done! LOVE YOU GUYS (well most of you), KEEP BEING AMAZING! Unless you aren't then AIM to be amazing! Like me! *Eats a banana with a self-satisfied smile on her face*._

**And believe in Sherlock Holmes and count the days till the new DL novel!**

_**BYE!**_

_**HAPPY APRIL FOOLS' DAY!**_


	12. The Two Fangirls (Sequel to the Meeting)

**SUPER IMPORTANT****:**

**EVERYONE MUST READ THIS, **_**ESPECIALLY**_ **PEOPLE WHO DON'T USUALLY READ A/N'S!**

**Okay people, we are going to go over this ONE MORE TIME (!) for the people who**

**didn't catch it last time! The last chappy was a practical joke! It was** _**supposed**_ **to**

**be a 'cringe fest.' We just wanted to psych you guys out for April Fool's Day (an**

**American holiday where people exchange jokes and pranks****)** **NONE OF THE STORY**

**ACTUALLY HAPPENED IN THE PLOT, IT IS ALL TO BE DISREGARDED! Entirely**

**forget it, except for it being HILARIOUS! **

_Calm yourself my pet, I think they got it! At least I HOPE so!_

**I just want to make sure they understand!**

_Well, onto other things, there was a mistake in the previous chappies. It said that Alex had_

_blonde hair but she has brown hair. You got that, MANCER!?_

**Hey, don't put this on me! Someone told me she had blonde hair… I mean it could**

**have been my brain but still! And, I just checked, it doesn't say anywhere that Alex**

**has blonde hair!**

_Oh well then, just know Alex has brown hair and blue eyes! _

**And that Avis has brown eyes… And of course, the blue hair, no can forget that.**

_Now onto what you have ALL been waiting for… The STORRRRRRY! (Dedicated to Bearah, Sarah, Ebony Silk, Derek Landy, J.K Rowling, and my long-awaited birthday party! [My birthday was in February]) *does jazz hands*_

**Without further ado, Telemancer presents… THE NEXT CHAPTER!**

_***they jump off a building together, Sherlock style***_

***Mancer flies back up, bouncing on a trampoline***

**Oh and by the way, the polls were taken down, and the most popular choice**

**chosen, mainly for the plot… And the name (you'll know what I'm talking about)**

**belongs to Twilight! Bye!**

***salutes and falls back down to trampoline***

"Skulduggery has suggested we hire Avis Drubbing and Alex Banter as Junior

Detectives." China deadpanned. Alex yelped and grabbed her friend's arm in amazement, right as Avis' elbow slid off the table, her body following. The two girls fell to the ground, Gracious jumping out of his chair to dodge them and hitting Donegan's chair next to him. The shorter Monster Hunter's power made Donegan and his chair fly across the room, only to be stopped by the wall. Valkyrie saw this and ran towards him but didn't manage to dodge Alex, who was getting up from her tumble. The fangirl's face smashed into Valkyrie's jacket and Alex fell on Avis again. Valkyrie reached Donegan and helped him up. Donegan winced as he started walking but managed to regain his seat with composure. The rest of the disrupted Council sat down again, eagerly awaiting the final decision. China looked around the room in little less than disgust.

"Now that you have managed to pretend you have the maturity levels of adults, let the meeting go to Skulduggery, who will give us more information on the proposal."

"Thank you, China." Skulduggery stood up and addressed the group. "Valkyrie and I have been trying to find some mages who would be successful as Junior Detectives, but it has been exceedingly difficult with all of our other duties. Avis Drubbing and Alex Banter showed up, and I heard their story. It amazed me that they were able to enter Gordon's Mansion Museum, what with the amount of guards the Sanctuaries have stationed. Whoever does that must have a lot of perseverance, strategy, and ingenuity, and those things are perfect for Irish detectives. I know that it is against our laws and morals to put mortals into danger, but I must bring up that fact that these particular mortals will not leave without a fight. Either way, we would have to put them in the magic world. To prepare Drubbing and Banter, we would put them through rigorous training for combat, stealth, and other necessary skills and have many trial missions. If it turns out they are not fit for this job, we will take the obligatory measures, hiring a Sensitive to erase memories and reintroduce the mortals to their former lives. Valkyrie and I believe this would be helpful and a big step towards possibly living alongside mortals. Please truly consider our proposal." The Skeleton Detective took his seat once again, nodding to the group in thanks. After the initial muttering, Saracen stood up to say something.

"I think all of us would like some time to deliberate. Perhaps without the mortals?" The Council nodded and the fangirls pouted but stood up to leave reluctantly. Right as Avis was about to let the door close, she muttered something.

"We have names you know. Not just 'mortals'. I mean, come on, even Skulduggery knows them!" Bearah, Tanith, and Valkyrie stifled laughter and Avis sent them a smirk as she left. China coughed delicately, drawing attention to her.

"Does anyone have anything to add?" China added primly. Valkyrie sat forward a bit, laughter still etched on her features.

"I vote yes, we should hire them. They're hilar-, I mean, they seem to be very apt for this job. They would definitely have to go through training, but Skulduggery and I could take care of that." The room considered this as Donegan started speaking.

"It's a fine idea, getting other detectives, something we should be prioritizing but I think Avis and Alex are too young and innocent. They don't know the state we're in right now. If they get captured, I'm sure no one would be merciful to get information. They're just too young." Bearah scowled at Donegan throughout this speech. She peered down the table to glare at him.

"Donegan, did you have any qualms against Valkyrie first joining Skulduggery?"

"Well, no, but-"

"She was twelve then! Avis and Alex are fourteen! Too young, my-" Gracious quickly interrupted Bearah before she could start yelling and swearing.

"I too think we shouldn't." Gracious said calmly, Bearah huffed.

"Really Gracious?"

"Hear me out, Bearah! I don't think we should be putting such vibrant nerdy lives in danger. We nerds are a dying breed, we must prevail against-" Everyone rolled their eyes, except for Skulduggery, of course, but he would've.

"That's very interesting." Valkyrie said quickly, interrupting Gracious. "Tanith, would you like to say something?"

"I agree with Val and Skulduggery, I'd just like to add that we should make sure they won't have a chance of even being in combat, and if they do, we put certified mages in with them." Tanith finished, looking around at the group. Finbar's head jerked up from where he was nodding off.

"Hey, Skullman! Sword-Woman, Val… Wassup? You guys want to meet Sharon and the kid today? We're having Sharon's book club over today, anyone want to join?" He looked around the room expectantly. "Wait… We're having a meeting, aren't we? Oh yeah, about Axis and Alice! They seem chill, you know? Anyone with a name like Axis has to be chill. And alice in wonderland was a good movie!They should totally join the team! We should get a name and tattoos of it. Like… The Sanctuary Superheroes! No, definitely not." Finbar continued musing about a name as Valkyrie started counting on her fingers

"So that's two for no and… Tanith, Skulduggery, Bearah, and I, so four for yes, not counting Finbar, no offense to him, but he got their names wrong so I don't think he entirely knows what we're even having a meeting about. Who hasn't said anything? Fletcher? Dexter? Saracen?" Fletcher jerked his head up from where he was half asleep.

"Gah! I'm sorry, Gracious! I didn't mean to…" Fletcher faded away, realizing where he was. "Um, what are we talking about?" Everyone rolled their eyes again, even if they were non-existent.

"Why were you talking about Gracious? Oh never mind, I'm not going to go into that! Fletcher, do you have _anything _useful to add to this discussion?" Valkyrie patronized.

"Surprisingly enough, I do."

"Oh yeah?" Val challenged. "What?"

"Well, I officially have 47 followers on Twitter, 56 on Facebook, 13 on Instagram because I only started my account three days ago. I'm thinking of making a Linkedin but I can't decide between 'TheLastTeleporter' or 'FreakingFantabulousHair' as a username…" Bearah and Valkyrie cringed.

"Uh, Fletcher, I like you and all, but Di Immortals, that is just strange! Elder Vex, Elder Rue, what do you think?" Bearah questioned. Saracen pondered for a second before sharing his opinion.

"Bearah, you can call us by our first names! As for what I think… Well, the surprise we would have on our side are certainly appealing and they would have such an easier time going undercover. I feel that the resources we would be gaining by doing this outweigh the dangers and risks."

"What?" Dexter exclaimed at this proclamation, staring at Saracen. "Really? I think this is a horrible idea! What if they died? What would we do with two dead mortals who work for us? The Sanctuaries would tear us apart, fire everyone here, and the Irish Sanctuary would be gone. Forever!" Dexter finished and China nodded, her exquisite beaded earrings catching the light.

"Exactly. These mortals won't be helpful alive and they'll be positively dreadful dead." The Grand Mage said as if it settled the matter entirely. Skulduggery finally joined the conversation again as everyone cast their vote.

"China, they won't die! The training they will go through will prevent that."

"We can't control if they die or not, this is a ludicrous proposal, I don't understand why we're even discussing this." Bearah death-stared China as she spoke.

"Excuse me, Grand Mage, but if Avis and Alex were mages we would have no such qualms! This is discrimination if we're basing it on whether or not they're mortals!" Valkyrie put a calming hand on Bearah's shoulder, gently guiding her back into her seat she had risen from while making her passionate outburst.

"Why don't we just have a vote?" Valkyrie suggested. Dexter nodded.

"Good idea. Who votes to hire Avis Drubbing and Alex Banter?" Dexter asked, looking around the room. Valkyrie, Skulduggery, Bearah, Tanith, and Saracen's hands flew up, Bearah's narrowly missing Fletcher's head which was once again buried in his arms snoring. Elder Vex counted the hands.

"And who votes we _not _hire them?" Dexter asked as he raised his hand, followed by the Monster Hunters', China's, and Finbar's. Valkyrie scowled at the last to raise his hand.

"Finbar! I thought you said we should hire them!"

"Not if they're only fourteen," the tattoo artist said seriously. "I would not let my kid do this sort of thing at fourteen he should be out getting a tattoo, and like pledging his life to a cult." Valkyrie didn't say anything, but her moody expression said enough. China, at the head of the table, sighed loudly.

"It's exactly like this Sanctuary to tie on votes. We're at an impasse then. Is there anyone else we can ask to give their vote?" The group thought about it for a second.

"Everyone I can think of is dead, a traitor, or is in a prison being held by another Sanctuary." Valkyrie added unhelpfully.

"What about Sarah?" Bearah asked.

"Sarah?" Gracious looked confused. "You mean that spa lady?" Bearah rolled her eyes.

"Yes, 'that spa lady'. I've talked to her before about the other Sanctuaries and she is really interested in the politics of it. I'm sure her view would be helpful for us."

"Well, someone has to go get her." China said, looking at Valkyrie pointedly.

"No, no, no. I've ran enough errands for Skulduggery today! I'm not doing it." Valkyrie argued defensively.

"I'll do it, I brought up the idea." Bearah got up, walking out. She paused as Valkyrie grabbed her hand.

"Watch out for Avis and Alex, I'll bet they're waiting right outside!"

"I will, I will," Bearah chuckled. "I'm sure it can't be that bad!" And with that, Bearah Victorya walked out.

The Grand Mage's assistant expected some ruckus, they were fourteen year old girls about to be hired by their book idols they thought are fictional. But she certainly didn't expect this much madness. As soon as she opened the door, Alex ran over, a terrified look on her face.

"Bearah! Help me! I've been trying to preach peace for five whole minutes but they won't stop! I don't even know why they're, they're... Doing whatever they're doing!" Alex shoved a panicked finger towards a few feet away where... Where _something _was happening. Avis was currently trying to climb over a full grown, very indignant cow wearing a saddle bag to reach a lanky African American man cowering behind the cow. Every time Avis actually got over the cow, the man would run down the hallway and then coax the cow to come towards him. The large white and brown mammal would run, as fast as a cow could, towards the pale man and the blue haired girl would fly off the back. Bearah stared at them, her mouth hanging open.

"What the Holmes are they doing?" The redhead asked Alex.

"All I know is that the wimpy guy is trying to get into Council Hall but Avis doesn't want him to because he would disrupt the decision making. Oh yeah, the decision making! What is the verdict? Do you even have one? What's everyone-" Alex's eyes grew bigger at every question. Bearah ran away while she could. Alex saw this and ran after her, quickly overtaking the woman in the high heeled boots. Bearah stopped when Alex ran in front of her.

"If I were wearing tennis shoes, I would have been long gone!"

"Bearah, please help me!" Bearah sighed, resigned.

"Fine, Alex." Bearah walked back to the doors, pulled them open and stuck her head in. "Hey guys, we sort of have an emergency!" Instantly, the Elders hurried out. Dexter took one look at the cow fiasco and went back inside. Saracen quickly followed.

"It's a cow," Saracen announced to the Council, once safely in the Hall. "I don't know why. Who wants to take care of it?" Nobody volunteered. Dexter looked around the room.

"Who wants to leave it there and let someone else deal with it?" The blonde asked. Everyone raised their hand and Saracen shoved the doors closed. Everyone gave a sigh of relief. Meanwhile, back outside, Alex was ranting at the doors.

"Really? None of you are going to help me? _Really?_" Bearah edged away from the tall fangirl.

"Bye Alex! I have to go find Sarah!" Bearah started sprinting away before anyway could stop her again. The tall, cocoa-skinned man looked up at the mention of a 'Sarah'. He straightened up from where he was calling the cow and looked at Alex.

"Sarah? As in Sarah Candy?" Alex looked at him cautiously.

"Um, yeah, that's-" The man interrupted her excitedly.

"Is she here?"

"No, but-" The man once again interrupted the brunette by dramatically falling to the floor yelling about 'that cursed Murphy' while banging on the floor.

"But Bearah, the redhead, is going to get her." Alex continued. The man instantly stood up, a grin splitting his face in half.

"So Miss Candy is coming?"

"Yeah... Um, may I ask who you are, why you're here, and, uh, why there's a cow in the middle of the room?"

"Oh, I'm, ah, -" He muttered something unintelligible.

"I'm sorry, what?" Alex asked.

"My name Edward Cullen… I hate Twilight and I hate my name and I want to change it, but my 'friends', who gave me the name because I'm such a 'wimpy vampire' won't stop calling me that."

"YOU'RE A VAMPIRE?" Avis shrieked as she rode the cow towards them. The cow reached them and stopped while the fangirl slid off, it long tongue sneaking out to lick her blue hair. Avis made a face.

"Only at night! And I hate being a vampire! Everyone thinks vampires are mean and vicious and pale, but I'm really nice, I have a cow and a flower garden, and Fluttershy is my favorite pony, and… Anywho, I came to Sarah Candy to see if she could make me not be a vampire! And because Truffle here stopped giving milk." Edward Cullen finished ranting, his arms folded angrily. Avis patted his elbow, not able to reach his shoulder.

"Hey, it's okay, I'm sure Sarah will be able to-" Avis rolled her eyes as Alex squealed.

"OH. MY. GOLDEN. GOD. Fluttershy is my favorite too!"

"Alex, I'm sorry, now is not the time to fangirl, no matter how much we'd like to. Sarah's coming!" Sure enough, Bearah and Sarah were turning down the corridor. Sarah waved enthusiastically as she approached.

"Hey guys! What's up? Why is there a cow in the middle of the corridor?" The pink haired beauty expert smiled at them and Edward fell to his knees in front of her.

"Miss Candy, I come seeking your wise assistance on two matters. One, I am a vampire of two years and I have tried for that same amount to stop my supernatural urges. When I heard of you, I knew I must ask for your help. Two, right after I decided to come to you, my cow Truffle stopped giving milk. I felt it fate that I should bring my cow to you. Will you help me?" He looked pleadingly up to her, obviously employing the clever tactic of 'puppy dog eyes.'

"Aw, how can I say no? The cow will be no problem, I love cows. But for the vampire thing… Well, I can try! Luckily for you, I've been working recently on a pet project of trying to make the serum stronger, so maybe I can help you!" Edward clambered to a standing position, smiling goofily.

"Thank you, Miss Candy! I will be forever in your debt. I know I've asked many favors on this day, but I have one more. By coming to you, I've been shunned by my vampire coven. Do you know where I could stay?"

"Well, I'm not sure seeing as you're a vampire and you'll be testing medicines with unknown side effects, but if you'd like, you could stay at my spa. I bet we could find a comfy bed somehow!"

"You're too kind-"

"But then you'd have to owe me something… Become my assistant perhaps? Although, we'd need a new name for you…" Sarah looked up at the man, a small smile on her face. Edward Cullen struggled to find words, looking remarkably like a fish out of water.

"That, that'd be wonderful! And you choose the name, I've never thought of a nice plain but good name."

"Great! I christen you… JEFF!" Sarah clapped her hands excitedly. "We'll start right away, Jeff, just let me do one thing for the Council." She pulled the door open, Bearah following. Right away, Alex and Avis commenced a not-really-scuffle to see who got the keyhole. Avis won, then realized there was no keyhole to listen at and dropped down to join Alex at the gap between the door and the floor. They were able to catch only a few strands of sentences.

"_Drubbing and Banter… Dangers… NEVER! Shush… Fine… Not… Hired…"_

"I don't know what's going on." Alex said huffily, sitting up. Avis joined her.

"What I wouldn't give for a pack of Extendable Ears right now. Or, you know, any time…" Avis sighed, defeated. "I guess we're going to have to do it the old-fashioned way."

"Wait until they tell us?"

"I was thinking more like kick down the door and then…" The bluehead trailed away, realizing how terrible said plan was. "But yours work too."

"Yeah." There was a few moments' pause before Avis started tapping her fingers and Alex began humming the beginning of 'The Dragon Song' by Team Starkid. Pretty soon, they were both singing the song, quite loudly. They had just yelled "I BEAT THE DRAGON!" when Valkyrie stuck her head out, Sarah leaving with Jeff.

"Hey guys, nice song… Anyway, it took some deliberating, but we're ready to decide. Come on in!" The fangirls shared a nervous look and headed into the lions' den.

The group had obviously been arguing, judging by their overall disheveledness, Fletcher's lack of, well, _alertness_, and the bruise forming on Gracious' arm, the arm that was next to Bearah. Even China didn't look her usual runway gorgeous, and that's saying something. The friends took a seat and China began the final speech of the meeting.

"After an arduous process, we have come to a conclusion to whether or not this Sanctuary will hire Avis and Alex as Junior Detectives. We have decided to hire them-" Avis cheered very loudly, jumping up and pulling Alex with her to perform a war dance.

"HE GOT OFF! WE GOT HIRED! HE GOT OFF! WE GOT HIRED!" They chanted. The Grand Mage's lips twisted into what resembled a sneer.

"However," The chanting stopped. "They are on strict trial, and could be fired at any mistake. Thank you for this meeting, Elder's please deal with the rest." And with that, China Sorrow's hurried out. Saracen located the fangirls.

"So, possible employees… Do you accept the position?" He asked. Avis nodded her head vigorously but stopped when Alex elbowed her in the arm.

"We have a few conditions first…" Alex stated cryptically. Avis caught on and spoke up.

"I want a galaxy traversing rocketship with enough fuel to get me to Mars! And an utterly ridiculous amount of naan."

"I want a Pygmy Puff, Butterbeer, real Butterbeer, not that crappy sweet stuff, a magical chicken, my Element of Harmony back, and I want to know if SEXTER is a THING!" Everyone stared, before either bursting out in laughter or turning the stare into a glare. Saracen chose the latter.

"What? No, we're doing you a favor by offering you a job! We're going to pay you, of course, but not buy you special gifts! Let alone a ROCKETSHIP! And a MAGICAL CHICKEN!" Alex and Avis frowned.

"But I need to get to Pigfarts and it's on Mars! Rumbleroar won't help me and Draco already left!"

"Can I at least know if Sexter is a thing?"

"Take it or leave it." Dexter just about growled, obviously mad about the Sexter interrogating.

"I guess we'll take it…" Alex "relented". Valkyrie, Bearah, and the Monster Hunters cheered, awaking Fletcher.

"Welcome to the team!" They congratulated. Saracen smiled.

"You can go with Skulduggery and Valkyrie to get some appropriate clothes, I'm assuming you don't have them in this dimension. And find some housing. Meanwhile," He looked at the rest of the group. "We have to get back to our jobs. Meeting adjourned." Tanith, Gracious, Donegan, Finbar, Fletcher, and the Elders were leaving Council Hall when Bearah gasped, her hands rubbing her temples.

"Wait! The Grand Mage is sending a message. Kitana Kellaway has disappeared from her cell. A few Cleavers and Combat Mage Ekwueme are the search team, they're dispatching now. And... That's it. Doesn't seem to be too big of a deal."

"Kitana… The mortal who stole my jacket?" Valkyrie asked.

"Yes, and killed around fifty people, mages and mortals." Skulduggery added.

"But she doesn't have any magic anymore, does she? It was just Argeddion." Valkyrie asked.

"Wait, be quiet for a second. I'm getting another message. China thinks… She's saying they think Kitana may have been helped by someone else. Obviously someone important, perhaps a Sanctuary official from the stories we've been getting from our friends at other Sanctuaries. We've also been getting rumors of unease from the Australian and African." Bearah finished and Fletcher's eyebrows furrowed.

"But I thought the Australian and African were allies?" Dexter shook his head at Fletcher's comment.

"They were, in the war. But they've publicly blamed us for losing so many of their mages in combat."

"That's ridiculous!" Fletcher exclaimed. Bearah, Valkyrie, Avis, and Alex agreed.

"It is." Skulduggery said. "We've tried reasoning with them, but they've closed face-to-face contact. Only a few mages are talking to us on good terms! But there's no use talking about it, we need more definite information to do anything."

"We'll just have to keep our eyes open." Saracen sighed.

"**CONSTANT VIGILANCE!**" Alex yelled dramatically. Avis held up a finger, the other hand on her hip, and a smirk on her lips.

"And remember kids, careful where you put your wand, better wizards than you have lost buttocks!"

**So are you guys totally flabbergasted, we built up plot in this over five page long chapter? (And took a ridiculously large amount of time to type it? But I needed to get that GOSH DANGED FUDGING meeting done!)**

_Bananas-_

**Wait... Haven't we already been through this before?**

_Bananas-_

**Fine, let's just get this over with… I can't stop you!**

_Bananas-_

**Wait, wait, one second, the disclaimer! (Insert proper disclaimer here) Okay, go ahead, Tele.**

_Bananas are what hold the world together, they are potassium filled string that fix stuff!_

**Actually, that is duct tape!**

_Bananas peels can do that to!_

**What? No they can't!**

_Oh really? What if you put little rolls of duct tape on the banana peels!_

**That is still the duct tape!**

_But the banana peels are holding the duct tape rolls together!_

**So yeah, plot stuff happened, please review if you liked it! Or if you didn't! Or if you just want to talk about the importance of thumbtacks etc. Tele do you have anything to add?**

_Lalalalalalala mmmmmmhhhhhhhh… *sways back and fourth*_

…

_WAIT! I do, my art work is going on display in an ART SHOW! Cool, right?_

**Are you referring to the beautiful sketches I made of Jily and Tom Felton?**

_Oh, yeah, totally… * dipped in sarcasm*_

**Um, my drawing of Pixie Hollow?**

_Nope._

**You mean your amazing phoenix! **

_Ding, ding, ding! Anyway, we should probably go…_

_**BYE!**_

_*randomly turns into MLP (pegasus) self and flies away after a snitch*_

***also turns into MLP (also pegasus) self and flies away with many loops and swirls while squealing about her many fandoms***


	13. Suiting Up - Onesie Style

**Disclaimer: You get the idea… Anyway, **_**SORRY WE TOOK SO LONG! **_

**I wasn't in the writing mood for the longest time, I know, stupidest excuse ever.**

_And I didn't want to force Mancy sooo… Plus, it's the end of the year so we had tests to study for! But we only have 6 days of school so then we will be able to write LOADS! Oh and I will start writing the next chappy tomorrow!_

_**We are really sorry though! Hopefully some fluffles makes up for it…? **_

**And now… After a very very long wait… Telemancer presents… **

_The next chappy!_

**(I don't even know what number it is, we've had so many sequels… We'll just count each publish as a chappy, yeah? **_I counted 421… Actually, just twelve, so this is thirteen?_**) **

The group filed out of the hall, everyone talking and laughing, the Elders enjoying the last few moments before having to get back to work. Sarah joined Jeff, together heading up to the spa, Truffles the cow in tow. Donegan and Gracious headed off to continue what they were doing before, finding the Administrator. The Elders and Bearah walked up.

"Congratulations on your new position, I'm sure you'll do great!"

"Thank you! And no dip, Sherlock! Alex and I will definitely not get fired. You guys will be blown away, just you wait." Avis grinned up at Dexter and Saracen. Alex pouted.

"I still want to know if you two are a thing," she muttered. Dexter rolled his eyes.

"Shall we get to work? Skulduggery, Valkyrie, you offered to mentor! I'm pretty sure they don't have other clothes here, and we're not risking the mortal dimension unless we absolutely have to. I propose a shopping trip! And trying to find housing."

"Oh, housing won't be a problem!" Bearah injected. "I have an apartment." They all looked at her. Bearah shrugged. "I had a phase. In real estate. I'm actually making a fair amount of money."

"Just shopping then. Victorya, thanks for helping, but you have work to do. So do we. Skulduggery, Valkyrie, reasonable expenses will be paid for by the Sanctuary. Have fun shopping!" With that, Dexter, Saracen, and Bearah left. Valkyrie sighed.

"So we have to take them shopping?"

"Yes. Let's just get this over with."

"We're right here, you know!" Alex said, ruffled. Val smiled.

"C'mon, we have to go find the Bentley."

The parking lot was small, about ten of the thirty spaces filled. The day was cool, a dry wind raising goosebumps on uncovered skin. It was dreary, the sort of day that shuts you inside. The lot was empty, except the four. Skulduggery placed a gloved hand on his hat, holding it on as he strided towards the car. Valkyrie followed right beside, pulled her hood over the black ponytail, a few strands escaping, dancing in the wind. Avis and Alex had their heads down, arms wrapped around themselves, trying to keep warm. They looked up as the Bentley came into view. The polished black exterior gleamed, even on this lightless day. Skulduggery patted it. He pulled out the keys, unlocked the car so he didn't set off the perfectly normal, non-magical car alarm, and got in. Valkyrie slid into the passenger seat, an obviously habitual routine. The fangirls stood there, transfixed. Avis held out a timid finger, slowly approaching the side. Skulduggery poked his head out right as she poked it.

"Are you guys going to get - DON'T TOUCH THE BENTLEY, YOU'LL GET IT SMUDGED! I JUST CLEANED IT!"

"Sorry!" The blue haired girl pulled her finger away.

"Touch it again and I'll put you in the truck. Now would you please get in - _only touching the handle!_" They obeyed.

"Seatbelt." Skulduggery reminded. Two clicks resonated. The car purred to life. "Valkyrie, make sure they aren't touching the seats." He put it in gear, and they swung out of the lot, onto a bumpy, not-very-well-paved road. They had gone a few blocks before Avis began caressing the leather seat.

"It's so soft," she crooned.

"And shiny…" Alex added without touching it. Valkyrie craned her head to the backseat.

"She's petting the seat." Valkyrie informed Skulduggery.

"Stop! I will put you in the trunk!"

"Okay, okay!" Alex said for Avis.

"Al, it's so soft! Feel it!" The blue haired gushed unashamedly. The brunette glanced at Valkyrie and Skulduggery before petting the seat.

"It is!"

"That's it!" Skulduggery growled, stopping the car on the side of the road. "Out!"The fangirls shared at glance, rolling their eyes. All of a sudden, Avis' eyes widened.

"Watch - " Skulduggery swung open the left door and took a hold of Alex Banter's shoulders, pulling her out. Alex scrabbled at the seats, trying to hold onto something. She grabbed the inside handle, but she was no match for the Great Skeleton Detective. He picked the girl up, ignoring her kicking and flailing. Once the brunette was safely deposited, he turned towards Avis.

"Okay, okay, I'm moving!" She got out, muttering. She climbed into the truck with her friend. "Do I really have to do this?"

"I'll cut your blue hair!" And with that, he slammed the trunk closed. The fangirls blinked, adjusting to the darkness. Avis rummaged through her backpack, finding a flashlight and flicking it on. Alex looked around.

"Wow! This is really spacious!"

"Yeah! We should ask to ride in here every time!" Avis opened her bag wider, peering inside. "And I have a blanket we can leave here…" They arranged the fluffy MLP blanket. The taller pulled her iPod out of her hiking boots.

"Want to choose something, Shorty?"

"Sure!" She flipped through the songs before "Four Seasons" by Vivaldi filled the space. Alex sighed.

"Never mind! I'll choose it! Classical is boring."

"I'm going to pretend you _didn't _say that." Alex ignored the comment and hummed as "Foux du Fafa" came on. Soon, the shorter was bobbing her head too. By the time the car stopped, there was a full blown, sitting down dance party.

"Play dead!" Alex whispered.

Two car doors slammed and the fangirls quickly shut off the music. They laid back, tongues sticking out, eyes half open.

"You killed me with your terrible comment on classical music!" Avis hissed.

"Oh, shush." Alex responded. Just then, the trunk opened, the grey, dreary light pouring in. Valkyrie rolled her eyes - obviously, Skulduggery would've.

"What are you even doing?"

"I think they're… I don't even _know_.' Skulduggery added. "Come on, let's go get some clothes."

"Ooh, what kind?" Drubbing squealed, like a true fangirl, as she got out of the trunk. Alex followed. The foursome walked down the drab street, shops decrepitate, the few people giving a decidedly eerie aura. "Protective. For your missions, now that you're hired." Valkyrie explained. "We're going to a mage shop."

"Cool!" Alex said appreciatively. "What kind of protective clothing?"

"That's for you to choose!"

"As long as it's appropriate for a Cradle of Magic employees." The skeleton corrected Valkyrie, eyeing the two teenagers warily. "They're going to pick out the strangest things. Look at Drubbing's trousers!" Skulduggery grew quiet as they entered the shop, the bell on the door twinkling. They passed a broken, graffitied sign spelling out W-L-C-O-M T-O B-A-L-A-B-O-R.

"What is 'Wlcom to Balabor'?" Alex asked.

"It's supposed to say 'Welcome to Bawlharbor'. That's where we are. It's like the new Roarhaven." Valkyrie said in a hushed voice. They stepped farther in, looking around in the dusty room for a sign of life. A man stumbled out from behind a shelf of fabric, appraising his visitors.

"Skulduggery. Valkyrie. Back for another hat? Perhaps a trilby today." The man's voice was choppy, a sort of Chinese accent cutting the syllables in a gruesome way. He was average looking, this man, his plain face hiding behind darkened wrinkles and a well tailored, weathered bronze suit holding in his considerable pudge.

"Not a hat today, Quaggy. Protective clothing for these two."

"Ah. What'll it be? Any requests?" The 'q' was a 'k', the 't' a whole other word.

"Onesies, please." Alex said seriously, cleaning the dust off her glasses with her shirttails. Valkyrie choked, bending over, ailed with a sort of cough-laugh.

"What are onesies?" Skulduggery inquired, his voice lilting with confusement.

"Just a new style. They're work appropriate, promise." Banter looked at the detective, a picture of innocence. Avis forced the grin off her face to speak.

"Yeah. Solemnly swear." Skulduggery stared at the fangirl for a moment but shrugged and turned to the shop owner.

"Ones - onesi - _onesies_, then." The man looked at Skulduggery as the skeleton made his order.

"Uh. What color then?"

"RAINB-!"

"No." Skulduggery cut Alex off. "Black. Or grey."

"Fine. Black," Avis and Alex agreed.

They left the shop a few minutes later, Avis and Alex obviously proud of their not-getting-Skulduggery-mad-at-onesies-for-work.

"So… When do we get our paj-! I mean, onesies?" Avis asked, walking backwards so she could face the group.

"Weren't you listening? The man said to come back in an hour when they were ready!" Alex said, implying the obviousness of the answer.

"Ah, no. I tuned out after the onesie thing went down without a fight. When did he say that?"

"While we were being fitted! Oh, no! Avis, watch -" But it was too late. Avis walked backwards straight into a stocky person with a cloud of lemon-lime mist twirling calmly around his/hers, if there was one, head. Avis stumbled, regained her balance, and looked up at the being with a look of terror. The blue haired girl took in the muscled limbs and cloud of whatever-it-was. She flinched and instantly fled down the perilous path of self-defense.

"Kind, er, person, the English language cannot even begin to express the entirety of how sorry I am about running into you. I wasn't paying attention and that, good Samaritan, is a grievous misgiving on my part. I'm sorry doesn't even start to…" She trailed off as the cloud of smoke began producing queer hacking noises in time to its strange rippling movement. "I'm sorry, did I cause discomfort to you and your mist?" Valkyrie, Skulduggery, Alex, and especially Avis waited for a response. All they got was that muffled coughing and the bubbling stream formations of the greenish fog. And then-

"That" - _hack_ \- "is the funniest" - _hack _\- "response I've gotten in a long" - _hack _\- "time!" The person kept up hacking as he/she walked away and then, all of a sudden, it clicked.

"You're _laughing_!" Avis exclaimed in realization. The giggles grew even louder as he/she retreated, the cloud following.

"Who was that?" Valkyrie asked as she peered over Skulduggery's shoulder. "A human?"

"No. An alligator dressed as a human with a fog machine as a hat who can teleport to the moon." The skeleton turned to his partner. "Valkyrie, of course it's a human! The mist is probably an Adept power."

"Hey!" Avis defended. "You have to look at every angle of a case!"

"That's actually… Pretty smart." Alex said, surprise creeping into her voice.

"No dip, Sherlock! It's me we're talking about."

"Yes, the girl who just ran into a dangerous and very suspicious mage and totally faked an apology." Avis scowled and shot back-

"Says the person who put glitter in the-"

"WE DO NOT NEED TO BRING THAT UP!" Alex screeched. Avis smirked with success. Valkyrie listened in, interested.

"Glitter in what?"

"Nothing!" Alex growled. "Only two things exploded, nothing was permanently hurt, and only half the bowl of grapes fell apart. End of story!" The detectives looked at her strangely but moved on from the subject making small talk as they wandered down the street, peeking into stores. This neighborhood was a prime example of 'Don't judge a book by its cover,' but of course in different context. All the stores looked the same, in color, architecture, almost everything, but inside, they couldn't be more different. Department stores, swim equipment, vintage clothing, shops dedicated to only one thing - like the hat shop Skulduggery spend almost an hour in and didn't buy anything! He left saying 'I already have them all.' - furniture stores, you could find everything you would ever need in this one alleyway. Avis and Alex went crazy, trying everything on. They raided racks and racks of clothing, buying anything from sweatpants and swimsuits (Alex) to velvet skirts and new snakeskin leggings (Avis). Wallets were emptied and no bargain bin was left unturned. The fangirls took no prisoners.

Hours later, the group slumped into the Bentley, putting the numerous bags (stuffed with printed shirts, Avis' crazy slew of skirts and patterned leggings, Alex's multiple shorts and sunhats, two military style jackets (one cream for Avis, the other rust for Al), and two pairs of oldie movie star sunglasses) into the backseat.

"You know, you can ride in seats this time," Skulduggery said.

"NO, DON'T MAKE ME!" yelled Avis.

"TAKE HER INSTEAD! I HAVE TOO MUCH TO LIVE FOR!" proclaimed Alex.

"O-kay." The young teens clambered into the trunk, Avis holding a black fedora on her head. Valkyrie snapped her seatbelt in place and the car flew away, leaving the cold alleys of Bawlhabor. The fangirls sat in the darkness of the trunk.

"I can't believe we're working for the Irish Sanctuary." Alex voiced, setting up the iPod once again.

"Get used to it, sister. Embrace your new position, fun times guaranteed."

**So what do you think?**

_Of course it was amazing, I mean, we wrote it!_

**Sorry about Tele's ego, she learned it from Skulduggery!**

_It was based on a shopping trip we had, well the sun hats and sunglasses were! I got the coolest hat! _**(And I own a fedora and I have the aforementioned military jacket but in navy.) **

**Oh and by the way we have a telemancer email on our profile if you want to email us! I don't know why you would need to but…**

_If they don't have a account!_

**Right!**

_Oh and _Foux du Fafa _(the song) is by _Flight Of The Conchords_, they're a comedy band! I also love _Brett, You've Got It Going on_! Brett, you've got it going on! Not in a gay way, just in a, hey, I just wanted to say that you're looking okay man! Why can't a heterosexual guy tell a heterosexual guy that he thinks his booty is fly? Not all the time obviously, just when he's got a problem with his self esteem… *keeps singing*_

**Anywho, while she sings herself out, we hoped you like the new chappy, and review if you want to!**

_Don't worry we won't yell at you, or stalk you, or kill you, or…_

**Yeesh, what got into you?**

_Last night I had a dream that three murderers were chasing me through a parking lot wearing bunny ears, and caring easter baskets… What could that mean? Oh maybe I subconsciously know that secretly bunnies go around and kill people so they can plant their heads in the ground and turn them into bunnies! So they can one day take over the world!_

**Ookay. Well, see you guys next chappy! Thanks for being amazing!**


	14. A Bit of Lightsaber Jousting

**WE'RE DONE WITH SCHOOL! YAY! And right now, I'm in Maine for a vacation and -**

_I'm camping!_

**That's what I was going to say! I've never met someone who thinks so much like me!**

_Ditto. Anyway, we hope you like the new chappy and the update of the last chappy. _

**Go check it out if you haven't read it yet! It's not very important, just a little more meat after someone said we took a long time to write a really short chapter. I just want to point out that if you dislike something or think a chapter is too short, we will listen to you and take your suggestions or complaints into consideration! :)**

_Especially now that it's summer we're going to do a lot of editing and really focusing on the story. Now is the prime time to hate on previous chappies so we can change them!_

**Well when you put it that way… Oh, and I think we mentioned this somewhere but we're starting to plan some other stories! Not as big as this one, and they definitely won't take away from ATFRUT. Just some Harry Potter etc. drabbles! Also… WE PUBLISHED A MARAUDERS ERA DRABBLE!**

_I think we've talked enough, Mancer. We don't own any of Derek's copyrighted material, we are simply taking it for a loopy drive. We're very sorry if we crash it though. And… ON TO THE STORY!_

**(Please do our polls on our profile. We might do **_DRAMATIC _**readings of our story!)**

The fangirls laid in the trunk, once again listening to music and feeling the bumps of the street as the Bentley flew away from Bawlharbor towards Bearah's apartment complex. A few moments strolled by in silence.

"Can we please play some classical now?" Avis rolled over and picked up the iPod.

"No!" Alex swatted it out of the blue haired girl's hand. "If anything, we would play some White Stripes. Also, we're almost there. I can sense it…!"

"Oh really, it's not like _the car is slowing down_!" Avis said sarcastically. Skulduggery's car pulled to a stop. Miscellaneous noises commenced and soon, the trunk opened. This time, the laws of fangirl-ness did not call for playing dead because they had chosen to ride in the trunk. The foursome walked onto the sidewalk, Valkyrie next to the girls, giving them a bit of a tour.

"So we're about a block away from the Sanctuary, it's just behind that corner. The apartment Bearah owns is down on the left there. There are some officials living there, but from what I've heard it's mostly normal people. And if you take two rights and follow some boulevard, you'll get to the gym we're going to train at!"

"TRAIN?" the fangirls exclaimed almost in unison. Skulduggery turned his skull.

"Oh, yes. If you want to be detectives, you need to know how to fight."

"FIGHT?" the fangirls exclaimed almost in unison.

"As in punching people really hard. You have a huge disadvantage because you don't have magic."

"MAGIC?" the fangirls exclaimed almost in unison. Valkyrie rolled her eyes. Suddenly, a phone dinged. Val reached into her jacket pocket.

"But I'm a pacifist!" Alex protested weakly.

"Bearah says she's waiting in the lobby. Oh, there's a text from when we were shopping. There's a file we need to pick up today from the Administrator. And we have to finish the report on the arson case. How are we going to watch them and do all this, ?"

"We'll have to leave them with Victorya. We can bring in the shopping and come back tomorrow for training."

"I hope Bearah's fine with that." They approached the duplex, walked the path up to it and entered. Bearah looked up from her chair in the lobby.

"Hey guys! You finally came!" Bearah said, hugging Valkyrie. Valkyrie smiled sheepishly.

"Yeah, sorry it took so long! We spent so long shopping and now Skul and I are -"

"Skulduggery," Skulduggery growled.

"Skul and I are behind on our work and so -"

"I can take the girls for a bit, Val. I'll get them settled in Apartment Three and they can stay here until you want them tomorrow."

"Thank you! We'll just get the bags then." A few minutes later, the back seat was empty and the lobby had a new addition of piled clothes. The Senior Detectives waved and seconds later, you could hear the Bentley drive away. Bearah turned to her new clients.

"Okay, so I thought we'd start with what the first floor. You know, the garage and the pool-"

"Pool?" Alex exclaimed.

"Yep!"

"A real live pool?"

"Well, not living," Bearah corrected.

"Like, one you can swim in?"

"That's usually what you do in pools."

"With water and everything-"

"Alex, stop. I know back in the other dimension you swam on your team, but, build yourself a bridge, cry yourself a river, and get over it! There's a pool!" Avis finished her rant, arms crossed.

"I'm sorry!" Alex apologized. "It's just so cool though!"

"I know! It has to be at least twenty percent cooler than any other apartment!" Avis grinned at her own reference. Alex giggled.

"You guys have seen one room." Bearah pointed out.

"But that room was-" Avis started.

"Can we see the pool now?" Alex whined.

"Follow me!" They set off, trailing behind Bearah, down a modern hallway until they came to a semi-opaque door. Bearah unlocked it and, almost instantly, you could smell the chlorine in the air. The pool shimmered. It was real, you could swim in it, with had water and everything.

"Oh my Golden God, there's a fully functioning pool!" Alex bent down to it, still making random exclamations.

"Yes, there is," Bearah explained. "It goes outside also, and there's a hot tub over here. Unfortunately, they're a little small but-"

"It's perfect!" Alex was now making little ripples in the water.

"Maybe you can go swimming after the tour. If you're done here, I can show you the fitness room." Bearah motioned to the door on the other side of the pool. A couple minutes later, they left the treadmills, weights, and ellipticals and headed to the 'garage.' Bearah talked as the walked up the same modern hallway.

"I call it a garage, but it really isn't. Basically, we have a little abandoned coatroom and in the back of it, there's a storage unit. People put stuff there and forget about it and no one cleans it out. Feel free to use it for your things or to borrow anything that's in there." The redhead pulled open a bland door, walked to the back of a large closet filled with coats and scarves, opened another bland door, and let the new Junior Detectives enter.

"And here's the storage room!"

"Really? I thought it was a popcorn maker." Alex joked. The not-food-maker was cold and concrete, filled with memories from other lives. Bearah flicked on the light and suddenly illuminated all sorts of bikes and toys. Every oddity you could think of was all either in a pile on the cold, worn floor or dangling precariously from hooks. Against the left divider, there was a wall full of stacked boxes, towering over everything like a tsunami of mildew infested cardboard. Avis and Alex took it all in. Bearah pushed a few trainers to the side.

"So, go ahead and use this, and I would show you a bit more but I have to meet Fletcher in thirty minutes and I want to get to your apartment." The older female turned off the light and led them back to the hallway where they headed back the same way they'd come. After two lamps and some side tables, they turned left and stopped in front of an elevator and stairway. And so commenced a brutal race to press the button. Alex and Avis were neck and neck until Avis tripped on a rug and knocked over Alex. Then the fangirls were neck and neck, leg and leg, limb and limb, in a pile on the ground. Their guide calmly stepped over the obstruction and pushed the small arrow. It glowed. As the fangirls untangled themselves, Bearah pointed down the corridor.

"Flats One and Two are right around the corner. Some lady with this yappy dog, oh yeah, pets are allowed as long as they aren't dangerous or something like that, lives in the first one and the second is empty. And let's go see your rooms!" The elevator dinged and opened. Bearah stepped through, her red hair suddenly glistening in the artificial light. Alex followed behind, seeing the mirror in the car and instantly starting to making faces in it. Avis made it through right as the doors closed. Silence enveloped the friends for the minute long ride. Alex slowly inched towards the doors and Avis bounced on her feet. The door sounded open and they rushed out.

"Wait…" Alex said.

"Which one's ours?" Avis asked, taking in the white hallways going forward and the one going right.

"The one right on the left, number Three. But I'm not going to open it yet. I want to tell you about the other flats, just in case. All along the left, including your's, are two bedroom. So in number four, right next to you, there are two normal looking siblings, man and woman who look in their twenties. Some lady who works for the Irish Sanctuary named Adroit lives in Five with her son. All the way down the hallway is a number Eight, a three bedroom apartment, next to it is Six, one person with some weird teenager named Ebony something, and finally, Seven has some old hermit man with a beard. I think you'll fit right in." Bearah smiled at the fangirls, who laughed at the joke. The redhead presented a small circular key to Alex.

"Go ahead and open your new home!" she said. Alex did so, and they entered through a small wooden hallway with a mudroom closet. Right on the right was a cozy kitchen painted a darker apricot with an island counter and two large windows on one wall. Bearah led down the foyer and into the largest room.

"This is the living room and dining area. This is really the only table to eat at, but you could also take meals at the island or outside. The living room has the only TV and couch. I really like this room because of all the armchairs, so pretty and comfortable." Bearah sat on the arm of the said chair. They were quite nice, all the furniture colors were related greys, purples, and blues that went very well with the lavender walls. There were dark wood side tables coinciding with the navy carpet and floor lamps. But the best thing was the floor to ceiling bookshelf filled with, surprise, surprise, books! The fangirls went to scan the titles.

"They're all on magic!" Alex noticed. Bearah nodded.

"Of course, we'll have to get the classics. Harry Potter, Skulduggery Pleasant, Tolkien, Rebecca, all those." Avis said, pulling out a book and flipping through the pages. "But we can do this later!" The blue haired girl looked down the small hallway. "Hey Bearah, are these the bedrooms?"

"Yeah, one minute." Bearah located the lightswitch and pointed to a door on the left. "That's the bathroom. There's only one but it's huge so I think it's worth it." And sure enough, the bathroom was ridiculously big, with a hot tub sized bath. Avis laughed and high fived Alex. Bearah shut the door of the bathroom and walked on.

"And here on the right is the first bedroom, you can decide which one you want later and at the end of the hall is the second. The dimensions are the same and both have a normal closet, but the windows and furnishings are different. Go ahead and check them out, but I have to go! Bye!" Bearah gave Avis and Alex each a quick hug and waved as she left the apartment. The fangirls said goodbye and the turned to each other with a stare

"We'll look at them both with no opinion and then decide how to decide. Deal?" Avis offered.

"Deal," Alex agreed. They entered the first bedroom with poker faces but it didn't last long, at least for Alex. The brunette fought a grin down to a smirk and looked around towards the cheery yellow walls while Avis went to sit on a cushioned bench beneath the half circle window. In the middle of the room, against the wall was a large brass bed with a quilt patterned with pink and cream flowers on a light blue background folded at the end. Next to the bed was a brass lamp balanced on a small white table. Alex flicked it on. She walked over to the longer wall without the bed but with a closet. Inside was a dusty white wood dresser that Alex inwardly smiled at. She thought the room was so happy and full of life, and hoped that Avis didn't want it too. She kept looking around, feeling the specks of dust in the air, watching them settle on the textured white flowers of the seats of the plain wood chairs, the white desk in the corner, and the, once again white, floating wall shelves. Alex started to leave, Avis following. The brown haired girl tapped the lightswitch and the golden light flooding the room disappeared. They got to the end of the hall and opened the last door. It was almost the exact opposite of the golden room. Where the last room was comforting, perpetually happy, and reminded you of catching fireflies on a romantic summer evening, this room reminded you of a summer thunderstorm - dramatic, captivating, and temperamental. The walls were a deep greyish purple with a white slanted ceiling and one wall boasting a line of small, square windows. A bed sat in the corner, covered in a deep blue vintage-patterned comforter. There was a side table, by the royal blue armchair, in the same dark, almost black wood that the desk and scattered box shelf that took up almost half a wall were made out of. Avis instantly started planning how she would decorate. Use the box shelf for all her books and other small things and in the space next to it, she could hang all her fanart! The two by three foot sketch of Draco Malfoy would go very well with the wall color. But then, the blue haired girl saw her friend investigating the vintage patterned bedspread. Of course Alex would want this one too, it was so much better than that, although it was better than most rooms, shallow yellow bedroom. Avis sighed. She'd just have to get to the stormy one first. The fangirls walked back to the foyer, each with a steely look of determination. Alex spoke first.

"I know we want the same room because it is so much more happy," Here Avis nodded. Avis continued talking. "So we'll have to decide how to decide."

"I challenge you to… A JOUSTING MATCH! For the-" Avis exclaimed.

"First of all, we don't have horses and-"

"I saw some Big Wheels in the storage room!" Avis continued on despite Alex's protest.

"Second of all, we don't have the jousting poles!"

"Pool noodles from the pool! No dip, Sh-"

"What? No, we are not having a jousting match! How about a good, old lightsaber fight?" the brunette suggested.

"Alex... Pool noodles actually exist! Lightsabers don't!"

"Fine! Rock, Paper, Scissors!"

"Deal," Avis said.

"Rock, paper, scissors, SHOOT!" the fangirls yelled. Avis made a finger wand and yelled 'Avada Kadavra' and Alex made a death star that honestly just looked like a fist.

"You cheated!" Avis complained.

"So did you! We'll just have to do the classic."

"What? I'm not wrestling, tackling, or fighting you!" Avis folded her arms.

"Um, no, a race to see who gets there first!"

"Oh, okay. Ready. Set… GO!" They sprinted down the foyer, Alex right away stumbling on one of the shopping bags they'd gotten a few hours ago. She cursed herself, "Now I'll never get the bedroom, you nerfherder!"

Avis turned left, Alex a few steps behind. The blue haired girl disappeared from view, Alex cursed herself again and slowed down, not wanting to waste energy on a lost cause. She walked towards the yellow bedroom to meet Avis. Strangely, when the brunette turned down the hallway, the door was closed. She opened it and looked inside.

"Avis? Are you in here? You can rub getting this bedroom in my face now!" Avis walked up behind her, scaring the 'loser'.

"Uh, Al, I don't want that bedroom! It's so shallow! I want the expressive one!"

"Avis, the purple one is just moody and all Oh-my-Golden-God-my-life-is-so-horriblah-and-I'm-just-going-to-be-all-moody-so-there!"

"No, it's not! It has personality, unlike the yellow one which is just… YELLOW!"

"Definitely not! And… Wait, why are we arguing about this? We should be glad we don't like the same bedroom!"

"Oh yeah… Oops. But you have to admit, the room is a little facile and snobnoxious."

"If anything, the purple room is a little snobnoxious! It's like Raquelle on one of her mood swings!"

"But Raquelle is one of the best!"

"I guess that's true…" The friends smiled at each other and began unpacking into their new home in another dimension.

**So how'd you like the chappy? (Lol, my cousin I'm visiting is insisting that it's 'So how did you like the CHAPTER?')**

_I loved it because I wrote it!_

**I typed it all up! And suffered through designing a duplex!**

_Oh yeah, just like Cartman helped with the fishsticks joke!_

**What? Tele, you know I don't watch South Park!**

_Look up South Park Fishsticks and WATCH IT MANCER! (Only for an older audience)_

**Okay!**

…

_Hey Mancer, do you like fishsticks?_

**No because I'm a vegetarian**

_So am I, but before you were did you like fishsticks?_

**I mean, I ate them… **

_Did you like putting fishsticks in your mouth?_

**Well, that's how you eat them… **

_Then you're a gay fish… Wait you're a girl so you're a straight fish! South Park reference! Oh and we don't think it matters if you're a gay fish, a straight fish, a lesbian fish, or even a HUMAN - we love you all!_

**And we hope you enjoyed the chappy! **

_And if you do our polls we'll love you even more!_


	15. Our Wacky Neighbors

This chapter is dedicated to Ebony Silk (also known as 'A'), one of our very bestest best friends. Thanks for reading our story and reading Skulduggery at our suggestion! LYP and a very happy birthday to you! Postscript: We do not own any of le Golden God's stuff. All rights go to him.

**Hehehe… Please don't kill us for not updating this story for a really long time even though we're in summer right now! **

_Please, please, please! We love you and you don't want to kill someone who loves you, right? And who writes a fanfiction you're reading and hopefully like?_

**Well, we kept you waiting long enough!**

_On with the story! Wait one more thing check out; our youtube channel! It's new! The link is on our page!_

After an hour or so, the fangirls had successfully moved into their new apartment. It really hadn't taken long considering the only items to unpack were Alex's assorted knickknacks in her hiking boots and Avis' backpack. Since they hadn't planned breaking into a museum, falling out of the sky, and discovering the Skulduggery Pleasant stories were real, Avis and Alex hadn't brought any of their belongings to the new dimension and lots of things were still in the mortal world. The friends had found some blankets and gotten comfortable in the living room, flipping through television channels and wishing they had some snacks. After mindless conversation and laughing at the stupidity of children's shows, Alex turned off the telly and turned to Avis.

"Do you think our parents miss us? I mean, I know that we planned to have this vacation and we're staying here until our plane back to America but still, do you think they miss us? " the brunette asked hesitantly.

"About as much as Snape missed Lily after she died," Avis replied. Alex laughed.

"Oh, so right now they're all so sad that they began boycotting conditioner, dyed their hair black, got plastic surgery so their noses are hooked, and started a career as a Potions master?"

"Don't forget despising everyone and going behind the magical mafias' back!"

"And wearing robes! Our families walking down the street looking like Severus Snape and saying 'Turn to page 394' like…" Alex trailed off. "Did you just hear a knock?"

"No," Avis said. They were silent for a moment. All of a sudden, the fangirls heard thudding on the wooden door.

"Who could it be?" Alex asked. "Skulduggery said he was picking us up in the morning!"

"Maybe it's an emergency. I'm opening it!" Avis got up, Alex close behind, and opened the door. Standing in the glow of the artificial light were three people, all straining under the weight of a giant, overflowing gift basket. To the far right, hugging the woven handle of the basket, was a beautiful woman with perfect red tresses flowing down her back and sparkling green eyes. Strangely, she was wearing a man's shirt and trousers. In the middle, taking the bulk of the basket, was a tall, sandy-haired male with jaw-dropping muscles. Next to him was a younger girl with yellow-orange hair that looked like it had been chopped off with a chainsaw. The girl was wearing a blue dress decorated with angry kitties and only one sock was peeking out from her sandals. A minute of silence crawled by as the five examined each other.

"Just for the record," began the stunning female redhead. "I am a man."

"Scapegrace?" Avis asked after a moment. "And Gerald? And Clarabelle?"

"What are you doing here?" Alex said incredulously.

"We're your neighbors!" Gerald said. "And we bought you a Welcome To The Neighborhood gift basket!" He managed to set the huge basket down.

"The basket was my idea!" piped up Clarabelle. "Scapegrace and Gerald made the cookies! And they cut my hair! We couldn't find the scissors, so we just borrowed a chainsaw from the next door neighbor." The fangirls laughed nervously.

"Speaking of your hair, didn't it used to be blue?" Avis asked. The three neighbors gasped.

"Oh yeah!" Clarabelle sounded like she just remembered that fact. "When I moved in with Scapey and Ger Bear, I decided it was a new stage of my life so I dyed my hair orange!"

"How did you know her hair used to be blue?" Thrasher asked, wide-eyed. Scapegrace peeked out from behind Thrasher.

"Um… We know things?" Alex provided.

"Saracen Rue must be informed about this!" Vaurien exclaimed. "You three have the same power!"

"Oh, we were just joking. We don't have magic." Avis said.

"Anyway, my name is Alex Banter and my friend, the blue-nette over there, is Alex Banter." They shook hands. Alex turned to Clarabelle.

"You said you had cookies?" the brunette asked.

The three stood in the hallway, immersed in discussion, and began eating the hundreds of cookies spilling out of the huge basket, the conversation turned to Clarabelle, Scapegrace, and Gerald's current life. They were all living together platonically, gotten jobs (they had all pondered about occupations for a while, before Thrasher realized they still had the ice cream truck), and now drove around Bawlharbor selling Choco Tacos. The pay was extremely good, considering literally no-one else was willing to stoop to the level of driving around an ice cream truck. The only problem with relying on ice cream to be your only income was that it didn't sell in the winter. Scapegrace had ingeniously solved this problem by adding warm cookies and hot drinks to the menu. And since they were rich from driving around with delectable sweets, the three friends had decided to indulge in some pets.

"YOU HAVE CHICKENS?" Alex squealed. "Can I meet them sometime?"

"Sure!" Scapegrace said. "We keep them in the yard, you can go down there anytime. Make sure they don't get out of the enclosure though!"

"That is so cool. I love chickens!" Alex kept squealing, making little "squeee" noises when suddenly, a tall and tan teenage girl came stomping down the hallway.

"What is all this squealing?" she complained, her arms crossed defensively. "It's upsetting my dog."

"Oh, sorry! We just moved in and we didn't know that bothered you!" Avis apologized.

"What were you even squealing about? Probably something stupid," the girl glared, her dark eyes slightly unfocused, and tossed her dark brown and wavy hair. A large, husky-like dog trotted after her.

"How would you know?" Alex threw back, annoyed by the newcomer's attitude. "You've only just met us and you weren't here to know what the conversation was about!"

"Just don't be so loud next time. Please? It annoys Cobalt." The girl struggled for a second before managing to straighten her light blue sweater.

"Sorry," Avis said again.

"You were a tad rude about it though," Alex protested. The girl gave a little smile.

"I apologize." The girl gave no other explanation, only tapping her gold ballet flats on the floor. "My name is Ebony Silk. I live in apartment Six." The fangirls introduced themselves, still a little wary of this defensive neighbor, and held out their hands. "Well, it was nice to meet you."

"You too," Avis chirped.

"Even though this first impression wasn't great!" Alex added and Ebony laughed.

"Well, goodbye." Suddenly, the girl seemed to realize what she was doing, and her cheerfulness fell, replaced by a wry and patronizing attitude. She turned to her dog and began walking the way she had come. Ebony turned and said, "Try not to annoy my dog again." The fangirls, Scapegrace, Gerald, and Clarabelle watched her go.

"She was weird!" Clarabelle pointed out through a mouthful of cookie.

"I wonder what was making her so defensive?" Gerald pondered.

"We'll just have to get to know her better and I'm sure she'll become nicer," Alex assured.

"Maybe she's just shy. Or something like that," Avis concluded, and turned to Scapegrace and co. "It's been great meeting you three, but we should really get some sleep. It's been a long day. Falling out of the sky feels at least ten chapters ago!"

"You fell out of the sky?" Scapegrace exclaimed.

"Oh yeah… We can tell you about it another time! Bye!"

The three neighbors left, leaving Avis and Alex alone in the hallway.

"I could definitely use some sleep," Alex yawned as she twisted the doorknob. "Oh, it's locked. Hey Avis, can I have the key?" The blue haired girl fished in her pockets.

"I don't have it. Do you have it?"

"No." The fangirls looked at each other and then at the stubbornly locked door. "Great. We're locked out!"

"Curse you, Murphy," Avis proclaimed, half-heartedly shaking a fist at the ceiling. "Of course this happens to us."

**See you next time!**

_As always, review if you want to! Remember: the link for our youtube account is on our profile! _


	16. So You Think You Can Kick A Tire?

**Sorry we took so long! We just started school, and it's been very busy!**

_No more summer… :(_

**But… THERE'S SCHOOL! **

_At least there's that! Anyway, anything you recognize - references, characters - all belong to their respective owners. Enjoy!_

Alex Banter yawned lazily, turning over to see early morning light seeping through her yellow curtains. She sighed contentedly and breathed in the bright and early start to a glorious day. The fangirl found the digital clock on the white dresser and squinted to make out the time. 11:00. Okay, maybe just a bright and not early start to the day. She skipped out of her room hoping to find Avis and some breakfast, maybe even both. Alex walked through the apartment searching for her friend and, not finding the flatmate, figured Avis must still be sleeping. Alex, being the kind person she was, decided to wake her sleeping compadre up. She tiptoed down the hallway and surreptitiously opened the last door, then quietly stood on the end of the bed. The girl then commenced jumping up and down on the bed and singing very, very loudly.

"I LOVE TO KICK IT UP A NOTCH CAUSE I'M EVIL AND BAD TO THE BONE! Yeah, I'm -" Alex was abruptly cut off from singing her beautiful melody when girl in the bed blindly chucked a pillow at the source of the noise.

The brunette managed to dodge the pillow and said smugly, "I know you so well! I knew you would try to throw something at me!" What Alex did not know, however, was that a second pillow was now roaring towards her. She got a faceful of pillow and, losing her balance, flailed around before falling forward onto Avis' warm blanket cocoon. From right above the half-asleep girl's face, Alex muttered, "I think you should join me as a pacifist, for the safety of those around you." Alex whined.

"Do you want another pillow?" Avis Drubbing threatened, holding her second to last said dangerous weapon above her friend's head. Alex whimpered and hurried away.

"At last, peace and quiet!" Avis complained to no one in particular. She snuggled her covers and trusted pillows a bit longer before rolling out out of bed and opening her small closet. Avis unhooked the one thing hanging in there and, after changing out of her new TARDIS patterned pajamas pants and tank top, slipped on her black onesie. She finished performing her regular morning ritual, and skipped off to the kitchen ready for battle.

As Avis opened her bedroom door, she inhaled a warm and wonderful scent. She followed her nose and came upon Alex with her back turned. The shorter girl snuck up behind her friend and jumped onto her back, snarling. The victim let out a horrific shriek and thrashed about, hiding behind the spatula she was holding . Avis hopped off her back and went to inspect what was cooking on the stove. Alex calmed down and followed.

"You are so evil," muttered Alex. Avis responded by blowing her friend a kiss.

"Where'd you get the pancakes?" the shorter asked, inhaling the scent wafting above that frying pan.

Alex slowly lowered her spatula before speaking. "Gerald came over with ingredients and we made them together. Scapegrace and Clarabelle had already started driving the food truck which, by the way, is called 'Frozen Zombie Heads'. Very appetizing!" Avis laughed.

"Do you know when Skully-D is going to get us for training? "

"One, I dare you to call him that in person. And two, I have no clue."

"Challenge accepted!" Avis struck a dramatic pose. Alex ruined it by ruffling her perfectly arranged clue hair.

"Nice onesie, now you just need to brush your hair!" Alex's cavalier manner was ruined by her giggles.

"Ha-ha, I'm _dying _of laughter," Avis said sarcastically, hopelessly trying to fix her hair. "You still need to put on your onesie! Wearing pajamas to breakfast, how very rude!"

"Fine, I will go get ready. You can start on these delicious pancakes!" Alex came back a few minutes later, in her onsie and brown curls done up in two twists. Avis had fixed her hair, as it was now lying neatly, part to the side, shorter in the back, and long side bangs looking impeccable. She was now reading the newspaper from Gerald and was in the middle of pulling the last pancake off the platter.

"You jerk!" Alex glared at the last pancake slowly disappearing into Avis' mouth. "You ate all the pancakes!"

"Oops," Avis said realizing what she had done. Alex huffed and crossed her arms, while Avis laughed at her friend's reaction. "Hey Al, who insulted your hippogriff? Anyway, just kidding! I only ate two, the rest are on the stove!" Alex rolled her eyes, but nevertheless served herself some pancakes. She was halfway through her third one when someone knocked on the door, in the rhythm of the first line in "The Girl From Ipanema".

"It's Skulduggery!" cheered Avis.

"How do you know?" Alex asked through a mouth of pancake.

"Who else would knock 'The Girl From Ipanema'?" The fangirls hurried to the door, and wrenched it open. Leaning against the door-frame was the famous skeleton, gloved and with hat placed rakishly upon his skull. Skulduggery Pleasant had his gun out, and was in the middle of cleaning it. To his side, a beautiful dark haired girl in a black coat was nonchalantly glowing. Yes, that's right, glowing. White energy was threading out of her fingertips and slowly making its way around her body, playing with her hair, making it float around as though underwater. As Avis and Alex opened the door, both detectives looked up, stopping their respective tasks and greeted the fangirls.

"Hi Skully-D!" Avis said excitedly.

"I have fought Faceless Ones," the skeleton began, in that smooth velvet voice. "I have fought Serpine, Mevolent, Baron Vengeous, and so many more gruesome evils. And I have beat them all. You would think, after conquering the amount of criminals I have, that you would have earned enough respect for people to spend another half second pronouncing the rest of your name!"

Valkyrie turned to her partner, grinning. "You choose the name Skulduggery, you brought this upon yourself. And do you know how much time people waste saying Skulduggery? Think of the all the things I could do, if you'd just let me call you Skull."

"And how many of those people would be dead, Valkyrie?"

"Your name limits me. Your name prevents me from doing the things I want! How dare you?"

"My name does not limit you!" Skulduggery argued.

"So can I call you Skull?"

"No," the skeleton insisted. "You can all call me Skulduggery. Anyway, we're going to the gym. Are you two ready?"

"We are so ready, these are the onesies you ordered for us!" Avis exclaimed. There was a moment of silence as the detectives took in the onesies. Skulduggery shook his head slightly, and Valkyrie laughed.

"Explain to me what you are wearing," Skulduggery ordered. Avis was about to speak when Valkyrie interrupted.

"If you can fight in a suit, Tanith in leathers, Fletcher in, uh, well he never fought but Fletcher accompanying us with his hair, and me in these trousers and coat, they can fight in onesies."

"If you get hurt because of that attire, I will laugh. And I'm sure Valkyrie would too. Onto training!"

"To the Bentley!" Alex cried.

Small talk, quick questions, and mayhem ensued as the Senior and Junior Detectives made their way to the Bentley. The small talk was usual, quick questions on rapid fire from Avis and Alex who were set on catching up with the news and gossip in the magical world. Who was dating whom, who had what jobs, who was dead, who was insane and going on psychopathic murder sprees, all those normal things. Mayhem was relatively low on the scale, even though the scale of madness went all the way up to 43 when the normal continuum went to ten. For now, at least, nothing absolutely insane was happening.

"Moving away from the subject of whether it is possible to have waffle Necromancy, Alex and I were discussing something last night," Avis prompted.

"What are we going to tell our parents? To explain our absence, I mean."

"Nothing, for now," Skulduggery answered. "You said you have until the end of your vacation and we'll use that time to think of a plan."

"Because you're known for your plans," Valkyrie muttered. Skulduggery pretended not to hear her.

Skulduggery, Valkyrie, and the fangirls had to stop their discussion of what to do when they arrived at the gleaming and Tardissexy Bentley. Not because of having to drive but because Alex had stepped on a sharp rock and realized she didn't have shoes on, same as Avis. The girls had to hurry back to the apartment, remembering the key this time, and get shoes before coming back. Finally, the group was ready to leave, Skulduggery in the driver's seat, Valkyrie in shotgun, and the fangirls comfortably in the back, having made no attempts to pet the Bentley.

The arrived at the gym a few minutes later, and entered, Skulduggery having to take part in the mundane task that is waiting in line to get his membership card scanned by an incompetent man dressed in black. They watched him furiously swipe the card over and over again before yelling at the machine and throwing shadows at it. The man stomped away, shouting all the while about the unfairness of being kicked out of the Necromancy temple and having to take up card swiping. Valkyrie watched him, moaning about the wait.

"We're famous detectives, for God's sake! We shouldn't be waiting in a line!"

"Valkyrie, just because you could kill everyone in here single-handedly and your best friend is the most suave and attractive skeleton detective ever, let alone the only skeleton detective ever, does not mean you don't have to wait in lines," Skulduggery retorted.

"You might not eat, skeleton, but your ego feeds and grows every single day."

The fangirls were incredibly excited to start their training, and even more so when they entered the private training room Valkyrie and Skulduggery used and discovered all the fun activities. A large mat lay in the middle, on obstacle course darted along the sides, and lots of hanging objects that had obviously taken quite a beating. The fangirls stared in awe, not quite sure what to do. Skulduggery went off to the shooting range that supposedly laid just around the corner. The girls did a few stretches, Alex requesting a cross between a crunch and lunge but Valkyrie shot it down right away. After both arms and legs were loose, Valkyrie assigned their first training mission.

"Girls, run around the gym three times for a warmup then I can see what you might be good at!" Valkyrie encouraged, having been assigned to train the fangirls. They took off down the polished floor at a good pace, chatting all the while. By the third lap, the pace was barely faster than walking and they were breathing quite hard.

"Okay," Valkyrie said as the two bent over, hands on their knees. "That was horrible, we have a lot of work to do! Why don't we do something easy and fun? Like kicking that tire swing!"

The fangirls did as they were told and walked over to the tire swing hanging from a rope. Valkyrie jogged over and got a couple of cups of water. She poured the liquid into the tire and told the fangirls exactly what to do.

"So your goal is to kick the water out of this tire by passing it back and forth. Go ahead!"

"Awesome!" Avis exclaimed, kicking the tire and getting rid of some water. Alex was taken by surprise and lightly kicked the tire swing back. The two girls successfully made it through a couple of exchanges. Avis attempted it with more force, but her foot went through the hole and she lost her balance, getting water everywhere. The tire went flying, swinging wildly.

"Avis! Are you okay?" Alex ran to her friend, kneeling down. She examined her friend's injury when the tire came swinging back and ramming right into Alex's head. The brunette collapsed onto her friend, moaning. Valkyrie stood, shaking her head, before she walked over, helped them up, and started coaching on technique.

"Okay girls, let's start by _aiming_!"

**Yes, yes, a bit short, but either way we hope you liked it!**

_As always, read and review if you'd like! Chicken of Shadows OUT!_


	17. Let's Kill Kyubey!

_**It's been way too long, and we're really sorry about that. The rest of training will be soon! Enjoy!**_

A butterfly wafted along, multicolored wings twitching lazily, and stopped on a beautiful flower that seemed to grow out of nowhere. The day was glorious, cotton candy clouds on a blue sky, the purple sun glowing bright. Everything was perfect and no danger was to be seen anywhere, except for the giant dinosaur that stomped about, eating people and stepping on trees. It devoured a cottage and shook its tiny arms in satisfaction. The glittering prehistoric beast was wearing a fluffy purple party hat and a belt made of machine guns. It took no prisoners. Screams filled the air and the butterfly flew away. The dinosaur continued its path of destruction, desolation, and despair. It smiled, fangs glistening. Suddenly, the world shook with a great thud. The people shrieked as the Tyrannosaurus Rex fell to the ground. Its little arms cursed the world and the dinosaur didn't even try to get up, knowing its fate is sealed. It's funny how chickens are closer related to dinosaurs than turtles, for this prehistoric creature was definitely stuck on its back. The world shook again, this time with a louder wooden thud, and the T. Rex rolled down the hill like a young boy. It came to a stop and was still. Then, it turned its head slowly, and opened its mouth like every movement hurt.

"Avis insert-middle-name-here Drubbing," the dinosaur drawled. "Get up and answer the

door, or face the pain of a thousand multicolored suns."

Avis sprang up and collided heads with Alex, who was leaning over the blue-haired fangirl. They both recoiled and glared at each other. Wooden thuds rang through the apartment again.

"Alex, why did the dinosaur have your voice? And how did it know my name?" Avis questioned, sleep dripping through her words.

"Because I'm secretly a dinosaur. Now get the door and stop that infernal knocking!"

"Why don't you?"

"If I'm supposed to answer the door, I would have gotten wings. If you weren't supposed to answer the door, you would've been paralyzed everywhere except for your left ear." Alex folded her arms and flipped her hair. The knocking crescendoed.

"Such logic. Because it was so brilliantly true, I'll answer the door." Avis made no move to get out of bed.

"You're not answering the door," stated Alex.

"Astute observation."

"Why aren't you getting up?"

"Because the logic wasn't brilliantly true."

"Answer the door," Alex whined, drawing out each syllable.

"What will you give me?" Avis bargained.

"My undying gratitude?"

"Not good enough."

"Uh. A hug?"

"Definitely not good enough."

"I'll bring my Kyubey stuffed animal to our next training session and we can viciously stab it."

"You have a deal." Avis threw off her blankets and padded to the door in her soft T. Rex slippers that were wearing party hats. She opened the door and got punched in the face. Avis Drubbing mumbled incoherently and held her nose.

"Oh my god, Skulduggery, you just punched her in the face!" Valkyrie exclaimed.

"To be fair," that velvet voice mumbled guiltily, "I knocked her in the face. There's a difference."

Avis managed to stand up, her nose turning slightly red, and glared at Skulduggery.

"My name is Avis Drubbing. You killed my nose," the blue haired girl complained. "Prepare to die. Except not actually, because you would probably beat me in a second. So why did you insist on waking us up and punching me in the face?"

"There's training today," Skulduggery said.

"We told you already," added Valkyrie

"Really?" Avis asked. "Oops."

"So I'm guessing you're not ready."

"Nope," Avis replied. "Let me go get Alex." The fangirl disappeared into the apartment.

A few minutes later, Avis reappeared.

"We're almost ready to go. Alex is just getting some knives."

"Knives?" Valkyrie coughed in surprise.

"Yeah. To kill Kyubey. I answered the door."

Valkyrie and Skulduggery stared at Avis for a moment, but didn't say anything.

"Yo," Alex greeted, finally ready to leave. "What's up with Avis' nose? It looks worse than Kyubey after Homura shot him."

"And it still doesn't look as bad as your bedhead. Come on, my messy haired friend, for today is the day we learn how to kill people viciously!" Avis ended her short speech with a rallying war call, and the foursome trooped to the Bentley.

It was raining when they got to the gym. Skulduggery extended his air bubble to Valkyrie, Avis shielded herself with her giant backpack, and Alex got soaking wet, her onesie sticking to her skin. The door swung open with a blast from Skulduggery, and Alex squeaked along the tile floor.

"So," Alex began. "Are you guys the ones who will train us?"

"Maybe at some points," Valkyrie replied. "But we hired someone else to do most of it. She's a real veteran, really good with her weapon, and manages to fight in clothing that's far less comfortable than onesies."

"Who is it?" Avis squealed, ridiculously excited. "Is it someone who's in the books?"

"You'll see," Skulduggery responded, obviously endeared by their enthusiasm. The group turned off halfway down the hallway, into a large room carpeted with yoga mat material. A young woman was standing across the room, back to the group, holding a long and obviously sharp sword.

"Yo," Valkyrie greeted. "We have the trainees!"

"Val?" The woman turned around, blonde hair flying out behind her. She approached them, grinning, She held her hand out to the fangirls. "Hi. I'm Tanith Low."


	18. A Rare Sighting of the Plot Bunny!

_**Part two is finally here! AND THERE'S A RARE SIGHTING OF PLOT! Have fun reading!**_

"_Val?" The woman turned around, blonde hair flying out behind her. She approached them, grinning, She held her hand out to the fangirls. "Hi. I'm Tanith Low."_

A squeal thundered through the gym, four thousand horses of the fangirl apocalypse. The skeletal crows that decorated the grey roof flew away screaming, their ears bleeding at the sound of two fangirl attacks. Avis and Alex were dancing around, arms flailing and hands flapping. Valkyrie, Skulduggery, and Tanith stared at them, then shared a look of confusion and exasperation.

A good ten minutes later, Alex was bent over, hands on her knees, unintelligible sounds coming out of her mouth. Avis was hugging Tanith like the woman might disappear any moment. There was a few more moments of silence, save for Alex's muttering. Suddenly, the brunette jerked her head up.

"YOU'RE NOT DEAD!" she wailed, waving her arms about in celebration. "THIS IS SO EXCITING!"

"You know that we saw each other at the meeting where you got hired, right?" Tanith questioned. Avis looked up at her from where she was hugging the warrior.  
"But you didn't die in the meantime!"

Alex cheered again. Tanith and Valkyrie managed to pry Avis off of the blonde. Skulduggery had left during the squeal and was just now reappearing with three foam swords.

"Now that this cheerful reunion is over, let the training begin!" Valkyrie announced, then followed Skulduggery from the room.

"Why are they leaving?" Alex asked Tanith, watching Skulduggery and Valkyrie go.

"So I can teach you how to fight. Now kill each other with these fake swords!"

Skulduggery opened the door for Valkyrie, shaking his head at Tanith's directions. "I am really concerned about her teaching style."

After an introduction to sword-fighting, which included how to actually hold the sword so it doesn't sever your foot, Avis and Alex were ready to have their first sparring match.

"Prepare to die, Alex," Avis threatened, but her scary manner was ruined by the foam sword. Alex whimpered.

"But I don't like violence. I don't want to fight. Can't we resolve all conflicts peacefully?"

"I wish," Tanith replied, then quickly changed her mind. "Actually, no, I don't wish. Fighting and kicking evil people's butts is the best part of being a detective or agent. If you two want to survive this dimension, you're going to learn how to defend yourself or stay in your apartment all the time. Now come on, Alex."

The fangirls raised their foam swords, the tips flopping down. Avis made the first move, a childish jab at Alex's stomach. The brunette slammed her weapon down on Avis' sword. The next few minutes followed like this, the two friends moving in slow circles, an occasional offense attack followed by a strategic block. Tanith got bored quickly.

"Avis, stop waving your sword around and _aim_! Alex, actually fight back!"

Alex looked over at Tanith to protest, and Avis smacked her sword against the brunette's wrist. Alex turned back and sent Avis a death glare.

"Looks like someone isn't getting any of my fruit nuggets."

"No!" Avis protested quickly. "Alex, be reasonable!"

"You just cut off my hand! No fruit nuggets is a small price to pay."

"It was a foam sword! I didn't actually cut off your hand!"

Tanith groaned and stepped between them.

"Okay, okay," began Tanith. "I think I have gotten an idea of your styles. Avis, come with me and I'll teach you how to aim. Alex, go get Skulduggery to teach you how pick locks. He'll probably be in the shooting range, just follow the signs. In one hour, meet back here and we'll do some other activities."

"Does picking locks involve hurting someone?" Alex inquired.

"It's picking locks…" Tanith offered.

Alex sighed and gave Avis a farewell hug. "Don't die in there, Avis."

"It's not like I'm descending to Tartarus, friend. I get to hold a real, live sword!"

"Swords aren't sentient," Alex reminded as she walked away. The brunette opened the door and left the room.

"Are you ready, Avis?" Tanith asked. "You can take off your backpack."

"NO MY PRECIOUS."

"Okay… Ready? Let's go."

Avis immediately started making wild jabs with the sword. Tanith blocked them easily, but was so confused by the fangirl's tactics, she didn't see Avis' backpack until it was an inch from her face. Tanith instinctively brought her hands up and deflected the backpack.

"Ow! Avis, what do you keep in there? Oh, you know, the usual. Hot chocolate thermoses, stolen books, dead bodies, my rock collection…"

There was an awkward pause.

"I don't even want to know," Tanith moaned. "Even though that was good misdirection, we really need to work on your technique. How about, instead of jabbing, you actually swing the sword like you're supposed to?"

While Avis practiced aiming and swinging, Alex had found Skulduggery and successfully picked her first lock with Billy-Ray Sanguine's razor.

"You're actually pretty good at this," Skulduggery said, watching Alex wiggle the razor around in the lock. It clicked and Alex opened the door.

"Thanks, you're pretty good yourself! It's nice of you to teach me. I don't want to be a fighter so it's cool to learn peaceful skills."

"Alex," Skulduggery started, standing in the middle of the hallway where they were practicing, hands in his pockets. "I understand that you don't want to hurt people, but what if your life is at stake? I got you this job and it's my responsibility to make sure you don't die."

"If I'm in that sort of trouble, which I would never, ever, ever get myself into, I'll just get Avis to knock 'em out."

Skulduggery shook his head slightly. "I think I know how this partnership will work. Let's just hope it successful. I think you've mastered basic lock-picking, so we can go meet up with Tanith and Alex. I think she has more activities planned."

Alex followed Skulduggery back to the main room. They came upon Valkyrie sitting cross legged on a yoga mat, commentating Tanith and Avis' match. The two sword-fighters seemed to be locked in deadly combat, swords flashing. It would've been much more interesting if they were using real swords because every time the swords met, a squishy sort of slap rang through the gym. Tanith was in her element, the sword moving like lightning, moving closer and closer to Avis' defense. Meanwhile the blunette had her arms crossed in a very effective protective stance, and her sword flexible to scare away Tanith. They were moving in circles, around and around, Tanith looking for an opening, Avis making sure there is no opening. Tanith relaxed, trying to give a pretense of distraction, and Avis fell for it. Actually. She really fell for it. Avis lost her balance while making an attack and tripped over her own feet, falling to the floor.

"And the match is over!" Valkyrie announced. "Avis falls to the floor for reasons unknown and Tanith, master swordswoman, has her opponent in lockdown. One move from Avis, and Tanith could kill her in one blow."

"I surrender," Avis muttered, getting to her feet. Everyone clapped as the fangirl walked over to a yoga mat and sat down.

"Nice job on your first match! We fought for about twenty minutes and not once did you give me an opportunity to attack." Tanith gave Avis a high-five. "How about some basketball to cool down?"

The fangirls winced.

"What's wrong?" Tanith asked, noticing the wince.

"Basketball has never gone well with us before," Alex explained, looking pointedly at Avis.

"I'm sorry!" Avis began. "But how was I supposed to know that basketballs would be that-"

"It's in the past." Alex mimed wiping tears out of her eyes. "We've moved on."

"So are we going to play basketball or not?"

The fangirls winced again.

"We don't have enough people though, do we?" Valkyrie said.

"Not right now," Tanith said mysteriously. "Follow me to the court."

Skulduggery, Tanith, Valkyrie, and the fangirls headed out of the big room and down a few hallways before they got to their destination. It was a normal indoor court, two basketball hoops, basketballs, random lines on the floor, all the things that make basketball basketball. Except, the room wasn't empty. Scattered throughout the room was a collection of awesome people like Saracen Rue, Dexter Vex, Bearah Victorya, Sarah Candy, Jeff, China Sorrows, the owners of the food truck 'Frozen Zombie Heads', and many others that the fangirls recognized and didn't recognize. Avis and Alex greeted everyone for a little bit before they split off into teams, China complaining the whole time, and began playing.

Everyone was having so much fun, smiles on their faces, sharing a few hours of companionship before they had to go deal with real life. Until Avis and Alex ran into each other after Alex tried a 'Dellie Drop' and five people got hit in the face with some sort of object, like the basketball, or a wall. The game ended when the bench overflowed with injured people.

Things were good now, but nobody knew how long that would last. Storms were brewing, but the Irish Sanctuary doesn't realize.

"The time has come," the leader whispered. Quiet voices overlapped in the large room. Hundreds of murmurs filled the room, all saying one thing.

_The time has come. The time has come. The time has come. _

_**The time has come. **_


	19. Attack of the Lady Knife-Wielder!

_IT'S A CHAPTER! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY! _

**The true plot is finally starting to emerge! Enjoy! **

_**Only those with excellent fanfiction taste, and those from totally awesome fandoms, are lucky enough to spend their time here, at the elite fanfiction account, Telemancer. The Telemancer fanfiction account is where the fandom's weirdest writers with too much time on their hands, entertain young fanpeople who also have way too much time on their hands. Just think of it as 's elegant playground for the super nerdy and beautiful.**_

_**Welcome to this chapter! **_

**Attack of the Lady Knife-Wielder! **

_Or…_

_Tele's Not Dead, She's Just In An Asylum! _

When Avis and Alex finally got home from their first training session, the stars were out and the classic Bawlharbor rain was falling. Alex unlocked the door with the key they had finally managed to keep track of and stumbled inside, so exhausted that they were beyond dead tired.

"We exercised for so long! I never dreamed Tanith could be so heartless!" Avis waffled.

"Yeah, it reminds me of a certain blunette girl I know," replied Alex.

"Who? You know someone else who has blue hair? Why did you never tell me this?" exclaimed the shorter girl.

"If I weren't so tired, Avis, I would facepalm for you," and with a giant sigh, she fell back on the couch. Avis sat down next to her friend, leaning her head on the other girl's shoulder and almost falling asleep.

"Ahhh!" Avis shot up with a noise of surprise, startled by the sudden knock on the door. Alex was a tad calmer, but was still just as surprised.

"I thought we got the day off!" exclaimed the taller girl, almost insulted by the sheer audacity of whoever was knocking on the door. The loud noise rang through the apartment again. Alex looked thoughtful. "It's not Skulduggery. He would never hurt our door like that, even if it's only for people with no imagination. I wonder who would want to see us?"

"Maybe they have the wrong place?"

"Well, whoever they are, we should go answer the door so you don't get punched in the face. Again."

"Oh shush. C'mon, I want to see who it is!" cheered Avis, and took Alex's hand to yank her up.

They hurried to the door, somewhat excited to know who wanted to see them, hoping that it was another amazing character that they had always yearned to meet. They reached the end of the hallway, and Avis pulled open the door cautiously.

Only to be knocked in the face. For the second time.

"Really, Skulduggery?" Avis asked, frustrated at the pain in her nose. "Was that really necessary - "

"Avis," warned Alex quietly. "Back away. Back away _now_."

The shorter fangirl looked up quickly, alarmed at the seriousness in her friend's usually cheerful voice. She let out a sharp gasp and stepped back too fast, almost running into Alex. Standing in the fangirl's doorway stood two people, cloaked in black, faces hidden by shadows.

"Hello. Can we help you?" Alex said shakily, a hand on Avis' arm. One of the figures pushed back the hem of their dark coat, revealing a gleaming blade hooked in a belt loop. Avis looked around wildly for her backpack, but it was all the way in the back of the apartment. The fangirls had no way to defend themselves against these intruders.

"Actually," the person with the knife spoke, her voice low but definitely female. "We are looking for two Sanctuary officials. We've been told they live here."

Avis and Alex shuddered.

"Oh. Yes. We, we aren't them, but we know who you are talking about. We work for them, actually," Alex lied, trying to buy herself time.

"We can go get them for you. They're down by the… the - "

"The pool!" Alex saved the lie with her quick thinking. Avis looked at her strangely for a moment. _Really, Alex? The pool?_

"So if you'll just follow us," Avis offered, creeping past the strangers, Alex following closely behind.

After a moment, the two people continued after the fangirls.

"Do you think they're lying?" asked the female with the knife.

"No. These two idiots don't have the guts. And even if they are, we'll find out soon enough," responded the other. The female unsheathed her knife at the perfect moment, moonlight reflecting off of the blade, right into their eyes. The two vicious intruders, cloaked in black, swore and hopped around for a moment before lowering the weapon and regaining their dignity. The female raised the blade again, making sure it wouldn't blind them this time.

"And if they are lying… We'll slit their throats."

Meanwhile, a couple feet ahead of the people in black, the fangirls were having a whispered conversation of their own.

"What do we do?" Avis worried. "They could kill us!"

"Calm down, Avis. Let's be logical about this. Right now, they are stronger than us, but we have the mental upper hand. Let's use the second plan we came up with the day after we got here and we were snooping around. Remember it? They don't know where the pool is, so we can lead them astray."

"Okay," Avis said, calming down now that they had a plan. "Okay. Let's do this."

The fangirls led the two strangers down the stairs, slowly walking faster and faster so they had time to sneak a few things out of the pool room. Avis and Alex grabbed two pool noodles, under the skeptical watch of the strangers, then kicked one of them in the shins and the other in the crotch and sprinted down the hallway. The two in black recovered quickly and hurried after them. Seeing this, the fangirls hopped on the closest mode of transportation.

Big Wheels.

Then the fangirls pedalled. They pedalled as hard and as fast as they possibly could, fueled by fear and adrenaline. They sped around corners like maniacs, narrowly missing tables and vases, even bouncing down a flight of stairs and skidding through the lobby. After a minute or two of insane driving, they had made it outside and and down the driveway.

After a minute or two of normal walking, the two in black made it outside and down the driveway and past the fangirls.

Avis let out a scream. It was raw and loud and scared. The girl in black threw off her hood, revealing dark blonde hair and cold eyes. She raised her knife. The fangirls got up off of their tricycles. Alex picked hers up and chucked it at the woman. It missed and hit the other person in black. Avis cheered, then grabbed her friend's arm as the woman charged at them. They began running in tight circles, always just out of reach of the no-longer-scary knife woman. The female stranger was yelling and kicking and practically frothing at the mouth because of the anger and frustration at not being able to catch the two idiots in front of her.

"Gryffin!" she shrieked. "Help me!"

"No," he whined sassily. "That tricycle hurt!"

While the woman wasn't paying attention, Avis had run in a full circle, so she was behind the girl with the knife.

"YOUR SOUL IS MINE!" Avis crowed, tackling the woman.

"I WILL EAT YOUR SOUL LIKE IT IS A GIANT GUMMY BEAR!" Alex yelled, followed with a cackle. A small scuffle went down, Alex and Avis and the woman all fighting like three year olds. The woman totally forgot about her knife until Gryffin pointed it out from his spot on the pavement. But, unfortunately for the people in black, Avis had stolen the knife by then and smashed it on the ground. It broke with surprising ease.

"Hey!" the woman yelled. "That thing is a ceramic antique!"

"It wasn't real?" Avis asked, sitting on the knife-wielder's legs.

"Whatever! Whatever! I do what I want!" sang Alex. And with that last yell, Bearah Victorya came speeding down the street in her bright red cubecar. She parked with a loud screech and rushed out of her car, slamming the door. Fearing being caught, the two people cloaked in black pushed the fangirls away and ran off, vanishing into the shadows along the side of the apartment complex.

"What the heck was that about? What's going on? Are you two okay?"

"These two people just attacked us! I have no idea what's going on!" Avis explained.

"We're fine though! We fought them off with Big Wheels!" Alex continued. The fangirls continued their story and after several questions, telepathic connections to China, and phone calls, everything was explained to Bearah and the Sanctuary.

"Wait, Bearah…" Alex began, after the excitement had died down. "How did you know to come down here?"

"Yeah. It's seems convenient. Too convenient."

"Oh. Well," Bearah explained, then shook her head. "Look, maybe you should just come see for yourself…"

"Bearah, what's going on?" Avis asked cautiously. "Is something wrong?"

The redhead turned around sharply and stared the fangirls right in the eyes.

"Come with me. To… The nurse's office!"

**You have no idea how long I have been waiting to make that nurse's office joke/reference.**

_Hey can we name this chapter Black Friday Doomsday?_

**How does that apply?**

_It's a South Park Reference! What about "I just ran over Kyubey"?_

**Um…**

_Or what about "Tele didn't die she went to an insane asylum"?_

**How about Attack of the lady knife-wielder?**

_Ouran Highschool Host Club reference! I like it!_

**Thanks for reading… Adieu, adieu, parting is such sweet… Actually, it just sucks. **

_And we bid you farewell! _


	20. A Cup of Death-flavored Tea

**Hello new chapter!**

_Wow really! It's not like they are reading it as we speak!_

**Haha very funny Tele!**

_I try my best!_

**Anyway we developed even more plot in this chapter!**

_Yep and this is the plotiest plot I have ever ploted! _

**Nicely said! Read on and have a nice day! **

Avis, Alex, and Bearah walked down the street to the new Sanctuary. The fangirls could still feel the adrenaline pumping through their veins, still shaken over the attack. Avis quickly shook it off and hurried up next to Bearah.

"So where are you taking us?" Avis inquired.

"To your doom," Bearah said seriously. There was a pause, then Bearah started laughing. "Just kidding! We're going to see Sarah Candy. What did you think I meant by 'nurse's office'?"

"Oh really? I hope Truffles is there! That cow is so cute," squealed Alex, letting the bad memories slip away and joining in on the fake happiness. Bearah grinned.

"Yeah, I heard Sarah finally got him to produce milk - chocolate milk. And I think Jeff is doing well."

"Well it's nice to hear about Jeff, but that cow is infuriating! He blocks me everywhere I go!"

"He's the Northern Wall of Briggs…" Alex joked. Avis giggled.

"Guys," Bearah began, stopping them on the sidewalk. "I'm glad that you are alright and able to joke after that, but this is really serious. We have a crime scene, you have to act professional."

Avis and Alex shared a look before the taller girl grabbed Bearah's wrist and looked straight at her.

"Bearah, what is going on?"

The redhead responded with a sigh. "Even I don't know the whole story. Just wait and the people who know what is going on will explain all of this."

The fangirls stepped an inch closer to the other, fear and worry creeping into their minds, overriding the giddiness of having their dreams of meeting these people who don't exist fulfilled.

When the party arrived at Sarah's office, there were two low-rank Sanctuary officials guarding the door. They recognized Bearah, but were reluctant to let her and the fangirls in.

"I have permission from the Grand Mage herself. You must let us in," commanded Bearah. One of the guards stepped away from the door and the other guard opened the door for them. Inside was Sarah's empty office, but Bearah led them through another door and into a coroner's lab. There was a large metal table in the center of the room with a white sheet draped over what looked suspiciously like a person. Sarah Candy was at the head of the table, a pink lab coat on that matched her hair. She peeled her medical gloves off and threw them in the trash, then turned around to address her audience. Gathered around the steel table were the fangirls and Bearah, as well as Skulduggery, Valkyrie, China, Tanith, Dexter, and Saracen.

"I have confirmed," Sarah began. "that the cause of death was the puncture and internal wounds caused by multiple magic attacks such as Necromancy and some sort of electrical Adept magic. This poor man was a minor Sanctuary official who was attacked and killed approximately nine hours ago. I have studied this body since it came in. The only information that I have been able to find is that this crime wasn't particularly violent. It was to merely kill the person and to show their strength, to leave a message. The attackers had a fairly easy time, for there was more of them and only one of him. There is little DNA on the body, so I doubt the murderers even touched him, only hitting him with their magic attacks. Have we found any other information?"

China took over, delicate voice commanding the attention of everyone in the room.

"Thanks to a phone call to the Sanctuary about someone screaming next door, Skulduggery and Valkyrie were able to get there quickly. Unfortunately, the man was already dead. However, our detectives were able to apprehend someone who looked as though she was acting as a guard, who is now in Cell Four, refusing to talk. Skulduggery reports to me that it seemed all too easy. Considering Candy's examination of the body, and the facts that the murderers did nothing to silence the screams, allowed someone to call in, and Skulduggery catching a suspect so easily, I would agree with the assumption that this is some sort of message directed towards our Sanctuary. Our efforts will be focused on figuring out what this message means in hope that we can then figure out who sent the message. Skulduggery Pleasant and Valkyrie Cain will be leading this investigation. I want everyone on the case to realize that this could be a one time spite crime to hurt the Sanctuary, or it could be bigger than this one crime. I want the people in this room to be careful, to make sure that no one else who is part of my Sanctuary will die. "

With that, China Sorrows left, heels clicking quietly on the white tiles. Tanith, Dexter, and Saracen followed her soon after, grim expressions throughout the room.

"Someone is dead," Alex whispered. "Someone has died."

Skulduggery turned to her sharply.

"This is your job, you are training to have the job of Valkyrie and I. We went to the house where this man was murdered, we saw his blood on the floor. If you aren't prepared to handle that, you should get out of this while you can." The two senior Detectives stared at their juniors, waiting for an answer.

"No, we are prepared. The person who committed this crime has to be brought to justice. And we want to help to that!" Avis declared, emotion getting the best of her voice.

"There's no way we're just going to sit around and watch. We'd leave right now if we thought this weren't real. But we know it is, and we're going to make the criminals pay!"

"Yeah?" Valkyrie asked, taking advantage of the fangirl's shock and determination to make them motivated. "And how are you going to do that?"

"We're going to make that suspect speak!" yelled Avis.  
"Yeah!" responded Alex. "We'll interrogate her until she tells us how many times she clipped her pinky toenail!"

There was an awkward pause.

"We can be really annoying!" Avis offered, eyes growing wider and wider.

"That is true, but I don't think we can let you do this," Skulduggery decided. Avis and Alex looked at each other quite sadly, then wicked grins spread across their faces. The fangirls turned back to Valkyrie and Skulduggery and began chanting in unison.

"Please, please, please, please, please, please - "

Skulduggery caved quickly. "Okay, fine, you have ten minutes!" The fangirls cheered.

"Commence operation!" Avis crowed.

"Attack of the fangirls!" finished Alex.

The fangirls strutted into the interrogation room, smug with their recent victory. The woman sitting there burst into laughter. Avis and Alex's looks of uppityness fell and shattered at their shoes.

"They, he he, sent the, he he, two girls I almost killed, he he, to interrogate me?"

Avis approached the table and swung a chair around, sitting on it backwards with a leg on each side, looking like a boss. Alex merely leaned against the wall, one leg curled up by her other knee. She shook two packs of fruit nuggets out of her boot and tossed one to Avis. It hit the shorter in the ear. Avis swore. The mask of cool shattered. Again. The girl, who had now been identified as the person with the knife who had attacked the fangirls, burst into laughter again. Fueled by the girl's laugh, the fangirls shared a look of determination.

"Mmm," Alex hummed. "Fruit nuggets are so delicious!"

"I know! These are my favorite snack! They're just so chewy and fruity and yum!"

The fangirls then made a show of consuming the fruit nuggets. The woman looked pleadingly towards the snacks, mouth watering.

"You know, maybe if you tell us who you are, we would give you a fruit nugget," Alex offered slowly. The girl considered that for less than a second.

"Did you _really_ think that would work?

"No, of course not. It was just a warm up," Avis said, an evil smile spreading across her face. The fangirls sat down at the table across from the suspect.

And began staring.

Literally, just staring at the girl. Not blinking, not tapping, not anything.

Just staring.

After five minutes of complete silence and an insane amount of awkwardness, the woman cracked.

"Stop staring at me! It's weird!" she yelled, turning away from the fangirls.

"Would you rather we make some noise?" asked Alex.

"Yes," the woman pleaded. "Anything but the staring!"

"Neoowww," Alex began. The noise was loud and high pitched and obnoxious. "Neeeooowww."

Avis joined in, screeches permeating the room.

"Neeoowww, nneeeooowwww, neeeooowwwwww, nnneeeoooowww…"

The woman's nostrils flared, her hands squeezing into fists. She tried to hold out for as long as she could, but the noise was too much.

"Okay! Okay, I'll tell you everything! Just shut up!"

"Yes!" Avis and Alex cheered, cutting off a screech midway.

"I'll go get Skulduggery, alright?" Avis offered. She hurried out of the interrogation room and found Skulduggery and Valkyrie right outside the door. "She said she would talk."

There was a moment of silent surprise before the detectives entered the room. The prisoner saw them and, madness, fear, and anger flashing in her eyes, began to talk.

"I will answer any and all questions you have for me."

"Thank you," Skulduggery voiced. "Now, who are you?"

"I am Rowena Nashi, a former Sanctuary official."

"Former? Under what circumstances did you leave?"

"I worked under China Sorrows. Everyday, she would ask for tea. And everyday, she would not drink it. It began to drive me insane and soon, all I could think about was tea. Why wouldn't she drink it? Was my tea not good enough for her? Did she just really want tea and then the second she saw it was instantly repulsed? I couldn't let it go. At the end of each day, I would have to pour the cold tea that I had worked so hard to make down the sink. It became a metaphor for my life. I would build myself up so much then let myself down just like that. I finally resigned so I wouldn't have to look at that tea anymore. The tea was the reason I left. And also, China stole my husband away from me with her stupid powers."

There was a moment of bewildered silence in the room.

Then Skulduggery moved on to the next question.

"What did you do after you left the Sanctuary?"

"I… I joined an Anti-Sanctuary agency. That's why those two girls were attacked, that's why that man was killed. We were trying to send a message. To show that we're strong and ready to fight."

"May I ask you a few questions about this Sanctuary? Will you be found and hurt if you give information?"

Rowena looked scared, but pushed ahead shakily. "Go ahead. If I'm in prison, they can't hurt me."

"Who is in charge of this organization?"

"I'm not high enough in the ranks to know that. I get orders in the mail or hidden in some shady neighborhood. There are a few other people that I get sent on missions with. I don't know anyone well, but in our group there is Gryffin who attacked the fangirls with me, Glen or Gwen or George - a woman with dyed black hair, and finally, a brunette named William."

Valkyrie had been listening quietly during this, but now spoke up.

"Where is this agency located?"

"Once again, I don't know. I've heard rumors of a more serious branch that has a meeting room but that's all I know."

"One last question," Skulduggery said. "What the name of this anti-Sanctuary organization?"

There was another pregnant pause. Finally, Rowena looked up.

"It's called… The name of this organization that I worked for… They call themselves… ATFRUT."

**We are so so so sorry for taking so long.**

**Life got in the way. **

_Summer is in another few weeks and then we will write waaayyyyyy more frequently!_

**We hoped you liked the chapter! **

_And stay tuned for a new one!_

_Tele_**mancer** _**out!**_


	21. A Fight You Say, A Fight Maybe

**Hi guys!**

_Soooooo sorry for the long break! First this got pushed aside so we could work on our other fics, then we were on vacations, then school started, plus we've been working on a different project! Sorry!_

**I'm *sniff* so *sniff* sorry!**

_We'll try and do better! But thanks for sticking with us and here is a new chapter!_

"_It's called… The name of this organization that I worked for… They call themselves… ATFRUT."_

The two Senior Detectives shared a look, a rather dramatic look, and thanked Rowena. The four - Alex, Avis, Skulduggery, and Valkyrie - escorted their prisoner to the jail in order to begin the legal process. They ran into China on the way there, and she started formulating a battle strategy.

"My network of intelligence has named a small house on the outskirts of town as where multiple groups of suspicious looking people met up every now and again. Nashi has been identified as one of those persons. I want Valkyrie and Skulduggery to lock down this location _right now_. Moving fast is a necessity because, as this case has proved, they are ready to kill. The rest of you are dismissed."

Avis mumbled a few words of gratitude, grabbed Alex's wrist, and dashed away, not stopping until they were out of the building.

"I _cannot_ believe the day we just had!" groaned Alex.

"I just wanna go home and eat peanut butter cereal," Avis cried, slumping against her friend and refusing to move. "Push me back to the apartment?"

Alex rolled her eyes but still complied, shoving the bluenette all the way back to the complex.

On the way up to their room, the fangirls heard what sounded like a large group of people down the hallway. Curiosity winning against exhaustion, they decided to check it out. Rounding the corner, they came face to face with none other than their neighbor Ebony. Avis promptly hid behind Alex who managed to stutter out a sentence.

"Sal - salutations! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be in your way, I was just curious, I will go hide now!"

Ebony glared at them for a moment, then softened. "It's fine. I was just listening to Rent, you know, the musical."

Avis took a hesitant step out from behind Alex.

"Oh, that's what the noises were! I thought you were have a party!"

"Same here," agreed Alex, twisting a strand of hair between her fingers. "And I didn't know you liked musicals! Rent is pretty great, but I'll always and forever be a Les Miserables fan."

"Hamilton," muttered Alex. "Hamilton."

"Les Mis?" Ebony scoffed. "It's good, sure, but Rent is clearly superior. The only reason you like Les Mis is because your tastes are immature. You probably just relate to Eponine, even though she should've been chasing after Enjolras, because let's face it, Marius is completely in love with the blonde girl and Enjolras is way hotter."

Alex's nostrils flared, and Avis gasped.

"Oh, _please_! Eponine is awesome, for sure, but she's not the reason I like Les Mis. Les Mis takes a dark subject, but very important subject, and makes it accessible to all listeners! I cry every time I watch the movie! Each song is an anthem that makes you want to get up and build a barricade! While trying to kill everyone with a Nerf guns! Rent is just a musical that tries to be deep but comes out completely cheesy! So cheesy, in fact, that you could put it in a spray cheese can and sell it and no one would even know the difference!"

"Don't even - "

"As for _Eponine _and _Enjolras_, what is wrong with you, lady! Grantaire is the only man for Enjolras!"

"Grantaire and Enjolras is a pathetic ship, Angel and Collins is much better! Les Mis is so depressing, Rent is uplifting! Les Mis is just a - "

"Woah, woah, ladies, calm down! Be civil! Do you really want to argue about this?" Avis cried, finally stepping in. "Also, Hamilton."

"If _she_ really thinks that Les Mis is better than Rent, then yes, I do want to argue!" growled Ebony, an inch away from Alex, her finger in the brunette's face.

"Well, if _she_ really thinks that _Rent_ is better than Les Miserables, then I want to argue too!"

Avis rolled her eyes, muttering under her breath about immature children and how Hamilton is clearly superior, but eventually addressed the two.

"Fine! Fine, you can argue! But only on one condition. We are having a cabinet battle, I mean, a rap battle!"

Alex turned to Avis, an expression of sheer panic on her face, while Ebony began laughing nervously.

"Like _I'm_ going to stoop to the level of an impromptu rap battle with _her_," spat Ebony.

Alex's head whipped around, smelling weakness. "Oh, you think you can't win in a rap battle against me?"

"No, I could wipe the floor with you, I'm just tired, and my voice is sore because I was singing all of Rent's _wonderful_ songs!" Ebony fired back.

"I mean if your voice is actually sore then we shouldn't have one, but those just sound like ex-cah-ouse-ses to me!"

"You know what! Just for that, I'm going to rap anyway, and beat you! Because my voice isn't too bad, thanks for asking."

"Yeah, of course!" Alex gushed, cracking her knuckles in preparation for what lay ahead.

Avis glanced between the two competitors, before pretending to hold a microphone up to her mouth.

"Alright, alright! Everyone, give it up, for the great beatboxer… Avis Drubbing! Now… Are you ready for a rap battle!"

**Hey guys so what did you think of the new chapter? Excited for the rap battle (it'll be the next chapter, so the word count will be short, but it's a rap battle!?)? We already have one line! **

_And I already have the plan for the chapter after that so hopefully it won't be long before that's up!_

**Then again we say that every chapter!**

_Whatever we just have to try hard!_

**Love y'all, see you next time!**

_Bye-nii!_


	22. Epic Rap Battle: Rent vs Les Mis

"Now… Are you ready for a rap battle?"

Avis hummed a little, rolling her next, then continued. "The issue on the table: Alex Banter's and Ebony Silk's argument over the better musical. Silk, you have the floor, ma'am."

Avis dropped some sick beats, Ebony took a deep breath, and then began rapping.

"Rent's so cool, Rent's so great, weasels are known for eating snakes. Rent teaches you life lessons and warms your heart. Les Mis just feels in need of a restart. You say it's inspiring but it's simply just tiring. Rent, on the other hand, I watch all day, what else can I say, it's simply that BAE! And Les Mis characters? They're just caricatures with no allure, you're so immature, you should just grow fur, Les Mis is a bore, while Rent is pure… GENIUS!"

Ebony mimed a mic drop, and crossed her arms sassily. Alex shook her head until Avis shoved her and pretended to give her a mic.

"Wow, Ebony, what a bland display. You make me wish you could go away! Qué means what in Spanish, I wish that you would vanish! Banished, because now it's time for my sick rhyme! You talk about Rent as if you're a teacher, as if you're a preacher, when the only redeemable feature is that no one feels bad when they don't even finish! The first song is the limit! You're a musical bigot who's not seen a ticket! With Les Mis you cry from the feels, you get the chills, people are dying for their ideals. In Rent, however, you cry from laughter because of the horrible cheese-iful factor!"

"How dare you say that?"

"How dare you think that Rent could be better - "

"Go hide in your sweater!"

"You must be a debtor!"

"More like a go-getter!"

"You smell of leather!"

"I hope you're not a Tony bettor!"

"How disappointed is your begetter?"

"In volleyball, I'm a setter!"

"You look like an Irish Setter!"

"At least I'm a pacesetter!"

"My fic is sick!"

"You make me sick!"

"If you really like Rent better, then you must be thick!"

"At least I'm not a - "

"Ebony! Alex! Calm down! Be mature!" Avis cut in, effectively ending the battle. "Good job, both of you."

"Thanks," Ebony and Alex said in unison. "Now, who won?"

Avis rolled her eyes. "No one, it's a tie."

"Oh, come on!" whined Alex. "I was faster!"

"Faster doesn't mean better," Ebony said primly, her nose in the air.  
"True. You did a really amazing job."

Ebony glanced at Alex, smiling a little. "So did you."

"Truce?"

"Yeah, of course. Truce. And Avis, that was some amazing beatboxing. Your mouth cello was scarily realistic."

"Aw thanks, Ebony! You're scarily… Scary. You're scary."

Ebony laughed, and the fangirls joined in.

"Well, you two, I have to get back to my apartment. I have some… Things to do. I had a lot of fun! Maybe we should do this again? Have some sort of band? A capella?"

"Totally!" Alex replied, as Ebony walked away. As soon as she turned the corner, Alex swung around to face Avis. "Okay, but who did better?"

"I said it before," the bluenette repeated, stifling a yawn. "It was a…" And then the fangirl collapsed on the floor, fast asleep.

"Of course she goes to bed," Alex muttered, bending over to roll her friend down the hall. "I don't blame her though. What a day… Just take it one day at a time. One day more."


	23. The Fall Of Fence Maria

_Hey everyone!_

**It's been wayyy too long since you've said that, Tele. **

_Ugh, I know! Sorry everyone! But at least we're still posting?_

**True, true. Though last time didn't you say the new chapter would be up soon? Whenever you say that they never are.**

_You can't prove that!_

**Uh-huh except I can...**

_Enjoy the chapter!_

Once upon a time, there was a girl who really didn't want to get out of bed.

Wait, Avis Drubbing thought, rubbing her eyes why am I in bed? Last thing I remember is complementing Alex's rapping! I'm confused! But then again, this whole thing is confusing. I'm in a constant state of confusing! Avis the Confused! Bewildered! I need to get out of bed. Avis opened an eye, her bladder begging her to get up.

"Hey Avis," A voice called from outside her her bedroom, "Get up, Skullduggery has a job for us!" Avis whined loudly.

"Not worth it!"

"Muffins!" Alex replied, knowing that the one word would get her friend out of finally got Avis moving, and within five minutes she had changed into her Onesie, run a brush through her blue hair, and was ready for to leave.

"Muffins? Where are they?" Avis cried, sliding into the kitchen on one foot, a dinosaur patterned sock in one hand and a glass of water in the other.

"I just said muffins, not that we had muffins," smirked Alex, already completely ready to go, munching on a banana.

"You're such a -! Fine. Whatever. Let's get this mission started!" Avis began humming excitedly, and did the whole am-I-hungry-or-bored-ah-well-I'll still-look-in-the-fridge-and-all-the-cabinets thing.

"If only you could have had this energy last night, I wouldn't have thrown my back out!"

"What do you mean?"

"Oh," Alex smirked, "Not much, we just got attacked by aliens but because you fell asleep, I had to fight them all by myself. They tried to abduct me like I was a Sim, but then my glare was so intense that they all got blown up. Then I rolled you back to our apartment and put you in bed like the superhero I am!"

"Wow, really believable. What actually happened, doofus?" Avis scoffed.

"Oh, look at that, it's time to go o'clock! I'll have to answer that question later! Cheerio, my friend!"

When the two fangirls arrived at the sanctuary, they were immediately greeted by Bearah Victorya, who was wearing heels that seemed, impossibly, taller than those of yesterday.

"Hey girls! I have orders to bring you immediately to China's office, and it's best not to anger her, so let's go!" Bearah tried to smile, but she was clearly too tense to do so. The three girls hurried along, all spurred by the fear of China's wrath.

China looked at them when they walked into her office, a polite smile dancing on her lips. "Sit down. Valkyrie was just about to tell us what happened when she and Skullduggery stormed the hideout owned by the organization called ATFRUT yesterday, the one that Nashi mentioned. This will be important, so do try and pay attention."

"Yes," Valkyrie began, slouching in her chair. Skulduggery looked bored. And slightly evil. As usual. "Thanks, China. Basically, when we got to the place, the property was surrounded by a big fence. Since we couldn't tell how many were inside, we decided to come back and find a way to proceed with more caution so the sanctuary isn't launched into all out war."

"Why didn't you just magic yourself over? Or pick the lock? Or look for a hole in a fence?" asked Alex accusingly.

"There's always a hole in the fence. I learned that from movies," added Avis unhelpfully.

"Or make a hole in the - "

"We all make mistakes sometimes!" China explained in a very unlike China manner. She turned and smiled at the two fangirls, something akin to evil in her eyes. "It just means that this will be your big chance! I hope there aren't too many guards for you to go through!"

"Who? Us?" Alex questioned.

"Yes, you were just talking about how you wanted to prove yourself, weren't you?" The skeleton in the corner finally spoke up.

"Yeah, but we're not ready for a mission of this level, are we?" Avis stammered.

"Nonsense, the mission is simple. Scale the fence, observe the number of people, if you fight them - don't, if you get kidnapped - don't! I even had Bearah make a leaflet." China explained, smiling evilly. She slid a the twice folded piece of paper across the table. Avis accepted it, and began to read. It was a pamphlet titled "What to expect when you're expecting!: A guide to childbirth".

"But I'm not pregnant," Avis worried. "Are you? Is Valkyrie? Alex? Oh my god. Is Skulduggery having a baby?!"

Alex's forehead made a resounding crack on the table.

"No. Skulduggery is not with child." China had the decency to blush slightly. Valkyrie stammered. "Flip the leaflet over."

Avis complied. "'The mission'," she read, "'is to get into the building without being seen and get a close estimate of how many people are there, then to leave without being seen. Do not get captured. Do not engage in battle. Do not die. If you happen to see a silver necklace with pink jewels, take note of exactly where it is. If it is possible, identify what people are doing in the building and what exactly the building is, but don't take any risks. Do not be seen.' Wait. I'm unclear on just one thing."

"Yes?" asked China.

"Do we want to be seen, or do we not want to be seen? I don't think it says, not even once."

China Sorrows sighed with such pain that even Avis looked sorry. "I don't think you two should be taking this so lightly. What the leaflet didn't say is that this is a test for you two. Be seen, and you're fired. Make any careless or immature decisions and you are out of this Sanctuary for good. Valkyrie convinced me to give you this chance to prove yourselves, so perhaps you might take this slightly more seriously."

"What?" Alex screeched. "We could be fired because of this? We've never counted people before! Or gotten over a really big fence! We can't do this!"

"Yes, you can!" Valkyrie countered. "You two are the most fun the Sanctuary's ever had! Just because China's a tiny bit angry at you doesn't mean that Avis and Alex, fangirls extraordinaires, can't do this mission!"

"China's mad as us?" cried Avis. "She's one of my favorite characters!"

Alex seemed to have not heard any of this, and was still hopeless. "We just can't do it!"

Skulduggery stood up quietly, and everyone jumped, forgetting he was there. "You can complete this mission. Tiny Valkyrie could've, and you two managed to sneak into Gordon's mansion, which couldn't have been easy. If anything goes badly, you have Valkyrie and I as back-up."

"So you aren't giving us a choice in this matter?" Alex sighed.

"Not in the slightest. That is, unless you want to get fired." China said this with such finality that no one dared protest.

Alex sniffled slightly. "We'll try our best. And… just… If we do fail, please don't take away our onesies."

Half an hour later, the two fangirls crawled out of the Bentley's trunk. Valkyrie stared at them.

"You know that you guys can stop riding in the trunk, right?"

"How dare you! That trunk is our bat cave, we wouldn't abandon it for the world!" Avis shouted.

"It's like being in a womb! Safe and warm!" Alex earned several weird looks.

"Um… Okay. Anyway, the hideout is about half a mile that way. You'll have to walk the rest of the way. You won't be able to miss it! Remember though, your main objective is to get up the fence, stand on one of those concrete pillars, and to observe but NOT engage." Valkyrie reiterated.

"Try not to die, the paperwork would take hours," Skulduggery sighed, like it was inevitable.

"Yeah yeah, we've got this!" Avis yelled, already walking away.

"Thank you for the ride!" Alex said, trying to make sure she would be rescued if things went badly.

When the fence, a giant monstrosity that should've been called a wall, came into view, Avis collapsed against a tree and Alex threw her hands up into the air.

"How are we going to get up that?! How? We aren't Spiderman! Spidermen? Can you make Spiderman plural? I mean, it's a name, so -"

"Valkyrie told us the walk was only half a mile! That had to be at least two!" Avis complained. Alex turned towards her friend.

"You're complaining about that? Do you not see giant fence wall ten feet away? That thing is at least five LeBron James high, and maybe half a Stephen Curry!"

"Oh," realized Avis. "The fence. It's not that tall."

"It's okay," Alex tried to reassure herself. "We can do it. We won't be fired. This isn't going to end."

"Alright then, Miss Optimist, how do you propose we get on top of this wall?"

"I hadn't thought of that yet! We need supplies. What do you have in your backpack today? Toodles!"

"Did you just make a Mickey Mouse reference? That is so lame! Let's see… Books, rocks, fruit nuggets... Oh! Maybe if you lifted me up, I could throw this cooler over to see if it hit anyone!" Avis ranted, looking excited.

"Oh, brilliant plan Sherlock! Weren't you listening! No engaging! No violence! Let alone the fact that I can't lift you up that high!" Alex rolled her eyes, "Are you sure you don't have any rope?"

"Oh yes, I just carry rope around in my backpack! Plus, how would that even help? We can't throw that high... " Avis argued.

"Touche… Well, I guess we'll just have to scale it! I mean, it is a fence, so there are foot and hand holds. We've got this!"

"If you say so! Besides, I'm a great rock climber."

The fangirls began their painful climb up the tall fence. What seemed like a short time later, because they kept up a conversation, Avis and Alex had reached the top of the fence and managed to climb onto a concrete tower holding the fence up.

"I can't believe I didn't die!" Alex panted.

"That one slip was pretty scary, though!"

"It's just the moe factor, what can I say? How long did that take us anyway? 20 minutes?"

"Let me check…" Avis paused and checked her watch. "Wow, that took us just over an hour!"

"Huh… Speaking of the time, when did Skullduggery say he was picking us up?" Alex questioned.

"He didn't mention picking us up at all. But we'll deal with that when we come to it!"

"Yeah, let's get this show on the road!"cheered Alex, quietly.

The fangirls peered over the edge of the concrete pillar to scout out the hideout.

"Wow, that's a big house!" Avis whispered appreciatively.

"Do you have any idea what houses look like? That's a mansion, idiot. Anyway, there's not many people out. Maybe we can't see them? What do you think we should do? We can't report back!"

"Go back anyway! It's not our fault the mission was badly planned!" Avis said, already prepared to begin the climb down the wall.

"No way! We'll be fired, don't you remember?"

"Oh my gods," realized Avis. "They were serious?"

"Of course they were, Avis! This is important! China is really not happy with us!"

"Then what do you propose?"

"I say we wait here. We have to get an estimate of the people here, no matter how long it takes. Maybe we can even figure out where China's necklace might be!" schemed Alex.

"You're right. Let's wait."

"Ha ha, I win," Alex teased, shoving her friend gently.

"Hey there, be careful! We're fairly high up!"

"Sorry, sorry. I'll watch first, keep an eye out for the necklace and tally the amount of people in sight."

"Sounds good, Alex! We should do as much as we can to get that necklace and a good estimate. We've got to get China to like us again. Or at least, tolerate us."

Avis and Alex settled in to wait until they felt confident in the amount of people in the ATFRUT headquarters. Alex took the first watch shift while Avis pulled out a book and began reading. Five minutes passed this way before Avis decided to explore the concrete column they were on. After getting to the top of the fence, the two fangirls had climbed onto what seemed to be a watchtower - to which the fence was connected. They were on the very top of it, and quickly Avis found a trapdoor. She pried it open.

"Alex, there are some stairs down! They must go down to the mansion! Maybe so guards can come and climb these, then get onto the top of the tower to watch. Can I explore?"

Alex walked over to investigate.

"Yeah! We can go together! There's about thirty people out and I doubt we're going to see any more. There must be more members than that, so we still have to wait."

The fangirls set off down the stairs, taking their time, not wanting Alex's clumsiness to get them discovered. After a flight of stairs, the fangirls heard the whisper of voices. They hurried over to one of the tower's security doors, opened it, and stepped out onto a small balcony. They crouched beside the wall and listened.

"God, this is the part of ATFRUT I hate the most!" a voice complained.

"Being a sentry is so boring. I mean, no one's just gonna walk right to the front of a building to attack. They'd have to break down the fence, and then what are we going to do against a bulldozer?"

Avis and Alex grinned to each other, then crawled closer to the voices and peaked over the edge of the balcony. Gathered below them, on a path that led to the mansion, was a group of around seven guards.

"What do we do now?" Avis whispered.

"That's an easy one! We turn around and call Skullduggery. This is a lost cause!"

"What? You were just saying that we need to wait around and do the job! Now you're just backing out? Lame! We should go and fight! If everyone is beaten, they can't report to the Sanctuary and say they saw us."

"Whatever," countered Alex, rolling her eyes. "Look over the edge more, maybe they'll drop some important information."

"Yeah, Alex! I win this - " Avis was cut off when Alex forcefully pushed her off of the balcony and towards the guards.

"Good luck!" Alex called, slightly sorry, slightly excited.

Avis screamed on the way down, alerting the guards of her presence, but for the two poor souls standing under her, it was too late. Avis crashed onto the guards, knocking them to the ground. The two lay there, out cold. The five other guards shook off their shock and hurried to get out their weapons. Avis was too quick however, and was spinning her backpack around her, sending guards flying left and right. By the time Avis finished spinning, only one guard remained.

Avis crouched slightly, clutching her backpack strap with two hands. She began moving in a circle, eyes narrowed. The blue-haired fangirl thought of something and began scuffling along, feet swirling and stomping. She began muttering a strange chant, something that could've gone "hoggy, warty, hoggy, warty".

The last guard standing looked at Avis, fear in his eyes. What magic is this? Some kind of witchcraft? Is she going to curse me?

Avis' chant grew louder and louder - "Puella magi madoka magica!"

The man flinched. Another language? Latin? Just how powerful is she?

Avis yelled something along the lines of, "I'M ALL FIRED UP NOW," and charged the poor man. He didn't stand a chance and was turned into a sidewalk under Avis's feet.

Alex dropped down beside a now panting Avis. She landed on her hands and feet, stood up, dusted her hands together, then stuck them into her pockets. She tried to spit onto the concrete path, like a cool movie hero, and just drooled all over herself. She wiped her mouth and pretended nothing happened.

"Nice job, partner," Alex intoned. She flipped her hair. "Looks like my plan succeeded. Those guards need to learn something about constant vigilance."

Avis rounded on her best friend.

"ALEX BANTER! Why in the world did you push me off the tower?! I could've gotten really hurt! I could've splatted on the pavement! I could've been overpowered! I felt like Azack!"

"Because you fight better under pressure... It was your idea anyway, so don't pout. I'm sorry, but it felt like the right risk to take. Now come on! Let's get to that warehouse and hide..."

"Hmph, stupid pacifist!" Avis huffed, but hurried after Alex to the small shed. "Hey, Alex… Did you see me though? I pretended I had magic! I defeated them all! I bet I looked so cool! Did I?"

"Yeah, of course you did, Avis," grinned the brunette.

The fangirls made their way towards the mansion, Avis dramatically recounting the fight, Alex narrating the whole thing.

The guard frowned, and looked around at his fallen companions. He had to get word to his superiors that someone had broken in. He couldn't allow anyone who made him feel like a doormat to live!

"Help… Code Blue!," the guard weakly called into his walkie talkie. "Two otakus have made it onto the premises, and one of them is armed with a backpack!"

**See you next time! **

_We're getting together soon, to plan the ending of the fic. So the next chapter should be out soon!_

**TELE STOP JINXING IT! There are some, shall we say, interesting ideas floating around!**

_Have fun (insert verb here)_

**Bye everyone!**

_Okay so, I think we should end the fic with Alex and Avis taking some knives from their wall. Then they would go up to-_


	24. Truck, We Don't Have A Funny Title!

_Hey y'all we're baaacck *creepy face*_

**Is it just me or did we write this chapter more quickly?**

_For us it was pretty good!_

**Hope you enjoy!**

_Yyyyaaasss!_

**n o stop Tele 2k16**

_Or should it be stop Tele 2k17?_

**That is the question… **

Avis and Alex stumbled down the path, giddy over their win against the ATFRUT guards.

"Hey, Alex?" asked Avis in an angelic voice.

"Yeah?"

"What would you have done if I had broke my neck when you _shoved_ me off a _tower_?"

"Been inconsolable," Alex responded sarcastically. Avis missed the sarcasm.

"Probably!" exclaimed the blue haired girl. "Since it would be the second time you've killed something!"

"Oh yeah? And what's the first time?" Alex huffed.

"Don't you remember a certain cactus named… Daveed?" Avis wiggled for dramatic drama. Alex collapsed to the pavement and let out a pained scream.

"Shush!" Avis shushed. "Or you'll get us killed!"

Alex pulled herself out of her emo corner and the fangirls continued their walk.

"Hey Alex," Avis asked after a few moments. "Want to hear a really good pun?"

"No."

"Okay! Here it is! You know the guy who invented knock knock jokes? He should win a _No-bell_ Prize!"

Alex screamed. From their right, the fangirls heard shouting.

"What was that?"

"Did you hear that?"

"A scream, right?"

"I bet it's the people we were just told about, the ones breaking in!"

"Probably, let's go check it out. Roll out, men!"

The guards fell silent, but they made no effort to move.

"It could just be nothing," one of the guards said. "And we'd waste our time."

"Yeah, probably. We should just keep watching Yuri! On Ice…"

"I read this fanfiction the other day, it was really funny."

The fangirls gasped, excited, and hurried towards the guards until they could see the group. There were three generic guards, and then a young man and woman in charge. The boy was speaking.

"One of the girls breaking in has blue hair, so be on the lookout!"

The second guard looked up, seeing Avis and Alex hiding behind a garbage container.

"Like the girl over there?"

Everyone in the vicinity gasped, and Avis and Alex began sprinting away.

"Get them!" the woman commanded. "Random guards one through three, get them!"

And so commenced a dramatic chase scene never to be forgotten.

Two fangirls, screaming and crying, running around a dumpster, being chased by three very professional looking guards. Around and around they went, before Alex realized that her friend had a weapon.

"Avis! I choose you!" the brunette yelled, getting an annoyed look from Avis before the fangirl swung her backpack off her shoulders. The blunette stopped running, and settled into a fighting stance.

"Come any closer," Avis spat, dribbling a little saliva on her chin. "and you have to feel my wrath!"

The three guards didn't stand a chance against the beautiful whirlwind of backpack and blue hair.

"So maybe the girls do have some skills," the woman in charge said, watching the girls fight from a distance. Her voice sounded like a horrible imitation of Kim Kardashian's.

"Yeah, we actually have to do something even though I was planning on playing football with the bros," responded the guy.

Avis lifted up her backpack and Alex shimmied "threateningly".

The ATFRUT agents charged at the same time, the guy going for Alex. Avis went on the offensive, swinging her backpack and kicking, basically just raving violently. The woman fighting her seemed taken aback, having not expecting there to be much of a fight.

"Damn, I'm going to have to use magic!" She brought her hand to her back and unsheathed her ultimate weapon.

What's that a… selfie stick?

The other fight, with Alex and the guy, had taken a completely different route, with Alex doing nothing but dodging. The boy threw punches fast, but clumsily, so Alex could move out of their reach easily, thanks to the training with Tanith.

"I must be smooth, but solid, like water. Or spray can cheese," she mumbled under her breath, concentrating.

"Truck, spam, lit!" cursed the boy. "I have no choice but to use magic!" He glared daggers at Alex, preparing to use his magic, tilted his head and… flipped his hair? Alex burst into laughter.

"What, was that supposed to do anything?" Then, suddenly - "Blerg, gross!"

Avis gasped. Her best friend had collapsed to her knees, a small red stain spreading over the shoulder of her shirt.

"You may laugh at my fake fringe," the boy cackled. "But I'm still a Necromancer, and I can still kick your grass!"

"Your item of power is a hair extension?" Alex asked incredulously, slowly getting to her feet, and hand pressed against her wound.

"Yes, it is! Now prepare for death by bangs!" He lunged, whipping his hair with such a force that even Willow Smith herself would cringe, and black shadows wrapped around Alex's legs and brought her to the ground once more. He secured Alex's wrists together with a rope before turning to watch his partner finish Avis off.

The three watched on in amazement as the girl controlled shadows with a selfie stick. They swirled around in a spiral of darkness that would've been much more threatening if she didn't keep pausing to take selfies.

"You are so obnoxious! Your selfie skills suck!" Avis insulted, trying to rile up her opponent. Sadly for her, it worked a little too well.

"How dare you say that! I will end you and then have your corpse in my next selfie! Say 'death'!" screeched the crazy young woman, clearly a teen, and snapped a picture. The selfie stick wielding Necromancer charger her, yelling something about sepia filters. There was nothing Avis could do in the face of that hurricane of popularity.

"Alex," the blunette yelled dramatically as she was tied up. "I'm sorry!"

The woman kneed her in the chin so hard that Avis shut up. The fangirls suddenly seemed to realize what had happened and their faces fell. They had disobeyed the Sanctuary's orders by being seen, engaging in battle, being captured and kidnapped, and they had even failed to count how many people were stationed at ATFRUT, as well as figuring out where China's necklace was! All the fangirls could hope for now was that they didn't disobey orders even more by dying…

A little less than five minutes later, the fangirls were inside the ATFRUT organization building, all dressed up in medieval chains and padlocks. It was clear that Avis and Alex were completely panicking, while still trying to put a positive spin on things.

"Look, we already told you guys," Alex pleaded. "We only got lost on our way to the fabled potato field!"

"I _so_ totally believe you," mocked the female teen.

"Where are you taking us anyway?" Avis pouted, still, as the selfie stick lady would say, "salty" over her resounding defeat.

"Oh," magic fringe boy spoke up. "No where special. Just to a dungeon that will remove all magic from you!"

"We don't have any magic!" Alex tried to reason.

"Yeah sure," selfie stick girl said and rolled her eyes.

"Honestly, we have absolutely no power!" Avis said, and tried to dab, but the chains were too restricting, and she ended up just spasming pathetically instead. Alex cringed.

"Not buying it, motherplucker," the boy remarked.

"Fine," Alex gave in. "But at least tell us one thing."

"Alright," the woman said. "But only because the blue one tried to dab."

"How do you extract the magic?"

"Simple, really!" the fringe boy began explaining, opening the door to a dark room and switching on the lights. He gestured to a necklace attached to a wall with packaging tape. "That cool as duck necklace right there sucks up all the magic of anyone in these cells! We've already done it a ton of times, so you two won't be a problem."

"Problem?! I'll show you a problem!" Avis screamed. "Alex, hand me my sudoku book!"

The group ignored Avis and continued dragging the fangirls into the two cells. They were roughly shoved into one together, and the prison door slammed shut behind them. Alex began pounding on the door, and Avis was starting to sniffle.

"Now be good little girls and behave!" the selfie stick lady spat. "All we're going to do is steal your magic!"

"For the last time," Avis begged. "don't do this, we aren't magical!"

Alex pulled her friend away from the bars and hugged her.

"It'll be okay, Avis. All we have to do is be annoying, which we're so good at, and then they'll let us go! It worked last time!"

But it was too late. The boy began to activate sigils around the necklace and light filled the room.

"Wait!" Alex yelled, desperate. "Tell me one more thing, what does ATFRUT even stand for?"

The young woman laughed, and her lips turned up into a gruesome smile.

"Do you really want to know? Well, little brat, it stands for 'Annihilate The Fucking Republic of Traitors'!"

The woman spit at the fangirls' feet and stepped back, slamming her palm onto the final sigil. Alex Banter and Avis Drubbing grabbed each other, faces screwed up in fearful anticipation. A slight buzzing filled the air, and Avis remembered what Alex always used to say, something along the lines of _stay positive, because you never know what great anime will come out next!_ The blue haired girl fell to her knees and opened her mouth. A hideous scream filled the room, raising the hair on everyone's necks, causing goosebumps, but then the screech turned into something else, something even worse.

"AND IIIIIII-EEEEE-IIIIII WILLL ALWAYSSSS LOVE YOOOUUU-OOOOOOOOO!" the two fangirls bellowed together.

And then, with a finality akin to the kind when a curtain closes on a performance all too short, the noises stopped and the room fell to pitch black.


	25. Adventures of Fringe Boi and Selfie Girl

Fringe boi slid down the wall to the floor, covering his ears with his hands. He was used to people in the magic removal cells screaming, but never had they been quite this obnoxiously loud. Who in their right mind sing-screamed? Or rather, who in their _wrong_ mind sing-screamed?

All of a sudden, the screeching from the fangirls stopped, and selfie stick girl lowered her hands from her ears.

"Is it done? I don't think it's been an hour year, so the cells wouldn't have finished stealing their magic." Fringe boy shrugged at her, unsure.

Little did those poor souls know that this was just the eye of the hurricane. The fangirls began screaming once more, even louder. Lyrics began emerging out of the inhuman noises.

"_Can you hear my heartbeat?_"

"What the hell?" selfie girl growled.

"_Tired of feeling never enough!"_

"I have to get out of here, I'll be back soon," announced the female guard, stumbling out of the room, closely followed by fringe boy.

The screaming continued until the end of the song, and then morphed into some strange electro-pop opera adaptation of the classic novel _War and Peace_ by Leo Tolstoy, a work of art that crossed boundaries and lines set by people who will never appreciate the true beauty of mixing history and the present. Many minutes passed before there was even a second of silence.

"Think we can stop singing now?" Alex questioned, holding her throat, voice scratchy.

"Alright! I'm just glad I got "On My Own" in," Avis cheered. The two fangirls peered through the bars of the cells, down the hallway, and saw the two guards leaning against the front of the glass door.

"They're gone!" Alex grinned. "I can't believe that worked! We are truly women of espionage!"

Avis was examining the cell, trying to find a way out.

"Wouldn't it be awesome if, because we're mortals, the cells backfired and gave us magic instead of taking our magic?" Avis pondered.

"That would be awesome! It probably won't happen though, since that seems slightly overcomplicated and confusing," responded Alex.

"Yeah, I guess. Ugh, I can't find a way out!"

The fangirls continued searching for a secret door or something, but there was nothing.

"Well, I'm stumped," Alex finalized, collapsing to the concrete floor.

"I'm not giving up!" Avis promised. "I'm not some weak teddy bear who's eaten too much cake!" She stuck out her tongue at her fellow fangirl, and began surveying the cell once more.

"Maybe we could dig a hole!" Avis suggested.  
"Not gonna work," sang Alex. The bluenette threaded her arm through the bars and grabbed a hold of the lock.

"We could try to pick this lock!"

Alex considered this, then stood up.

"Only one way to find out!" The taller girl pulled a hair pin out of Avis' hair, eliciting a screech from the girl, and tried to pick the lock. After a minute of fumbling around, she withdrew her arm and shook her head sadly.

"Avis, are you smol enough to fit through the bars?" Alex asked, running out of options.

"Pft, as if!" Avis grumbled, walking over to the bars to prove her point. She squeezed through easily.

There was a long minute of stunned silence.  
"I stand corrected," said Avis finally. Alex began laughing, tears streaming out of her eyes, yelling something along the lines of "this is why you shouldn't stereotype prisoners as big, bulky men!" She tried to wiggle through the bars herself. Emphasis on tried. She probably made it to mid shoulder before her eyes filled with fear.

"Avis. I'm stuck."

"Wait… Really? No!" Avis began to panic. Alex took a deep breath.

"Don't worry about me. Just go ahead!"

"No way! I'll stay here! Skulduggery and Valkyrie and Tanith can come to rescue us!"

"'Tis a small sacrifice for our noble cause, Avis dearest!"

"Those bars must be cutting circulation off to your brain, aren't they!?"

"Remember me, my truest friend! Remember me as brave, and clever, and ridiculously fashionable!" Alex burst into tears, fat droplets of water dripping down her face at an alarming pace.

Now, this scene may seem helpless, but have you ever heard of the fun fact that water makes things slippery? Because it's true!

After about a minute of sobbing, Alex reached out to hug Avis for the "last time" and slipped through the bars with relative ease.

The two fangirls stared at each other, amazed.

"Shall we just mosey along, then?" Alex suggested, her face frozen in an expression of surprise. Avis shook her head before following. The fangirls crept through the hallway at a snail's pace, secreting a sticky substance behind them, checking for guards, but it was strangely quiet.

"Well, we certainly completed the part of the mission where we count how many people there are!" Avis whispered. Alex nodded enthusiastically.

"What else were we supposed to do?"

"Not be seen, oops, not be captured, oops, and not die! We did one part, at least… Oh, and find China's necklace! We can still make this a successful mission!" Avis pumped her fist. The fangirls grinned at each other and headed towards the room where the necklace was.

"We're doing so well!" Avis boasted as they made it into the necklace room without interference. "Next thing you know, we're going to be Skulduggery and Valkyrie's equals!"

"How do we get the necklace though?" questioned Alex, staring where it hung from the wall of the room were the guards had activated the cells.

"Simple!" Avis reached up and ripped the necklace off, duck tape and all. The fangirls then proceeded to dab and have a victory rave.

Five minutes later, sweaty and breathless from their dancing session, the fangirls slipped out of the room. They found the journey out of ATFRUT's headquarters relatively easy, exempting the time they got lost and the time Alex fell over. Now they were back at the start of their mission, staring at the wall.  
"How are we going to get back over this monstrosity?" asked Avis, worried.

"We could climb over it again… but that would take too long, and Fringe Boy will figure out that we're missing from the prison!" Alex responded, fiddling with the jewels on the necklace.

Avis looked around, searching for something they could use to escape.

"Wait," Alex said slowly. "Do you know how to drive?"

Their eyes had landed on an armored jeep that was idle outside of the building, keys still in, engine running. Clearly someone had missed the memo that Avis and Alex had broken into ATFRUT's headquarters.

"No," Avis pouted. "I was just about to learn before we got sucked into this alternate dimension."

"Oh. I mean, it can't be that hard, right? One pedal is forward, and one pedal is stop."

"And you just turn the steering wheel when you want to go not straight!"

"Exactly! And this vehicle looks strong enough for our purposes." Alex concluded, jogging over to the jeep. She struggled to climb into the driver's seat, Avis hopping into the other side. They shut the doors and Alex smashed down on the gas pedal, the car shaking wildly before sorting itself out and lurching forward.

The fence got ever closer, like death, but if death were a fence.

Avis gripped the chain of the stolen necklace and gave one more defiant cry.

Alex accelerated the jeep even more, way past any speed limit there might be.

In a beautiful image of rubble and blue hair, the jeep exploded through the fence, ripping it apart. The fangirls screamed as they drove to their freedom, then promptly ran directly into a tree. The engine proceeded to puff out a tiny bit of smoke and shut off.

"Well," Avis stated, staring at the wreckage. "That worked, I think."

"Let's just follow along the main road until Skulduggery drives by," proposed Alex.

About forty minutes of running away later, a Bentley stopped in front of the fangirls. They collapsed into the trunk, without exchanging a word. In the front seat, however, it wasn't as quiet.

"Do you think they really did it, Skulduggery?" Valkyrie asked.

"Well, given the fact that they were running like they were being chased, they must have done _something_."

The fangirls didn't care about these insults to their pride and dignity, instead proceeded to nap all the way back to the Sanctuary.

Skulduggery and Valkyrie led the fangirls to China's office. The black-haired girl looked at the fangirl's kindly.

"We're going to notify China that you made it back alive and then come back and get you, okay? Just wait here."

Avis grunted in agreement before playing with the necklace she was still holding.

"We did well, huh!?" Avis cheered.

"Considering the fact that China expected us to be dead, I'd say we did fantastically!" joked Alex.

This made Avis even happier and she spun the necklace in her hands even faster.

"I wish I could have seen those two Necromancer's faces when they found out that we escaped!"

"They probably looked like this," Alex said, doing her best impression of a surprised beaver.

Avis laughed a little too hard, choking on air.

"Hey, Avis, pass me that necklace!" requested the taller fangirl. In her excitement and mirth, Avis threw the priceless jewelry a little too hard. It made a beautiful sight, flying right through Alex's fingers like a winged snake. Sadly, all snakes must perish, and the necklace hit the wall like a certain jeep, shattering into a million pieces.

Just kidding. It was more like ten pieces.

The fangirls looked at each other in horror and fear as the office door opened and China stepped out, a heel grinding down on a small shard of necklace.

"What happened here? Is that my _necklace_?"

**Bump bumo baaaaaaaaaaa**

_Beep booo_

**And so finished this chapter!**

_The next chapter will be the last!_

**Tho we're gonna do a really really short follow up story**

_Mostly because we thought of a funny name_

**Yay anywho, telemancer out!**

_*dabs*_

**Ugh… **


End file.
